Thoughts and Discussion

Emotional Foolishness

2012-01-18T12:49:00.000-05:00

So today may be my last post here. It's been a good run and I appreciate all your support, comments and of course, thoughts over the years. I'm transitioning to another blog space; hopefully it'll be more interactive. I'll share the link when it's up. BUT, to what's on my mind; if my phone stops going off long enough for me to get my thoughts out. Where was I...ah yes, here.

So I'm still in my "let's be candid with myself" stage and came to this harsh realization that I actually hate to admit, but somehow I believe if I put it out there as something I want to change, then I can possibly recover from it. Lately...well not lately...for a LONG time, I've been attaching myself or taking the acquaintance of men that don't really want anything more from me than "emotional intercourse". All of them are seemingly appealing, some I can even see a future with, but none of the feel that way about me; at least from what I'm seeing. What bothers me most about the situation is that I'm fully aware none of these men want anything more from me than just an emotional security blanket, or aren't even in the mental space for "more"; and yet I can't seem (or don't want to) remove myself from this hamster wheel. As I try to put into words what I feel when I'm around them, I'm realizing what "feeds" me most is that connection...the affection I receive when I'm around them. Nothing sexual, just a feeling of security, strength, attention <-- I've admitted before I'm an attention-whore...it truly tugs at my heartstrings.

Part of me knows the deposits made to my emotional bank account are just there to collect interest for larger withdrawals, another part of me feels slightly used because I'm sure all the late night talks, midday motivation texts and moments of "disclosure" are nothing different from any other woman, and another part...well...maybe it just doesn't feel at all. As I'm writing this, I'm getting BBMs from a man who's been a placeholder in my life for years. Always a visitor, never anything more.

So am I an emotional fool, or just foolish?

The person I truly wanted - I discovered - was never really that into me or even remotely ready to achieve some of the "plans" that were discussed, even though he threw the marriage word around like it was fertilizer. Well he accomplished planting a seed, it just never grew.

I know, I hear your comments, "girl you need to work on you", "change what you put out in the Universe", "stop being so negative", "love yourself more...where's your confidence!?" I know you're saying it cause I would say it to me too, and I've said it to other women. The thing is I DO love me (I hear the rebuttal), and I AM confident and secure in who I am. I was a burlesque dancer for Halloween, and I'm a FULL size 12, D's on it and everythang, but really that's just aesthetics. I'm sure there's some psychological reasoning behind my settling for emotional intercourse, and not allowing or demanding myself to want more. I'm attempting to date but right now, no one is really appealing to me. Maybe it's cause I have my emotions tied to these dead end roads, or maybe the dudes are just not my cup of tea. All the time, wanting something we can't have is always of interest.

Could it be that the emotional depositors don't require work? Maybe it's just easier for me to have my cravings satisfied, but then does that make me just as bad as them? There's so many questions and not enough answers, but what I do know is for the last six years I've made myself purposefully unavailable, to not only preserve my heart but to also re-build myself from all the hurt and bitterness I experience from people in general. Relationships have burned me raw (Jill Scott's Hear My Call speaks loudly to my soul) and it took me awhile just to get where I am now. To even talk about my mishaps is a "titan-like" step. The point in this seemingly long ramble, is to get to the root of the issue and spray some weed killer on it.

One of my closest friends recently asked me to write down 10 qualities I want in a man/potential mate (I actually want to get married) and although it took me some time, I was able to do it. I haven't printed it out yet, but it's on my Evernote app so I can always refer back. In the interim, I want a companion (not like a dog) but someone with whom I can spend my time...real quality time. I realize I just sound lonely as hell, but work and school - thank God I'm done in May - have become my husband and boyfriend. There's no balance, which could be why I allow those deposits to occur.

Before I make this a full therapy session, I'll end here.

I believe there's still some inner peace within me that needs to be achieved. Well, I still have that yoga voucher, clearly I need to use it. I'll make the overall goal for this year, and going forth, balance and discipline.

As always, your thoughts are welcome...

VaughnySweet

Sort of an oxymoron

2011-12-01T00:48:00.001-05:00

Figured I'd start somewhere so....Ask Vee ;)

Paranormal Activity

2011-10-23T14:54:00.003-04:00

I'd like to say "lately I've been feeling like people are giving me double-sided stories" but unfortunately I feel like this all the time. It's safe to say I have a hard time trusting people. I always believe folks have ill-intentions, specifically if they've showed me their tail first then tried to clean it up with being nice. People who do that will always be suspect to me. So unfortunate for them.

If any "sane" person monitored my brain, I'd be admitted for schizophrenia. I'd almost swear people are grouping up to conspire against me. Horrible, I know.

There are people on this Earth who have opened their soul to me, in confidence, and I still believe they are full of crap. Terrible, I know.

It's simply because I see how they treat others and watch how they move. It's not reflective of how and who they are with me. Do I believe people act differently behind closed doors? Sure...*cue in the closet freak statement*. However, I've been doing my best to be cognizant of my instincts and I'm sure that these people have agendas. I mean, who hates your guts one minute then tries to befriend you the next? Someone who wants something from you and THEY know, you're the only person who can properly provide them with it. Or even that butter on your toast you keep getting from your "ex" or so-called BFF? Even the boss at work who hates the last fiber of your intestines. You know they keep giving you sweet words cause they want something. Always checking on you, knowing darn full well they didn't care about you two months ago when you were about to have that nervous breakdown. Ish like that is what keeps me not trusting folks. People will say and do anything to keep you close and create smoking mirrors to keep you at bay from the truth. In one of my latter posts, "Catching up and letting go", I provided this insight when I reflected on my current relationship with people:

Words are things people say to you to have one of two affects: (1) to keep you around because the person who's offering you the words is afraid of losing you and (2) to keep you at bay because the person who's offering you the words does not want you to see how trifling they are.

I believe this wholeheartedly. Sure, you're reading this and thinking "damn she got issues" and so what, maybe I do but how can you blame me? I'm a product of disappointment and "misadvantage". Yes, I coined another word...misadvantage - the act of people consistently taking advantage of you. Yep, I hear your follow-up statement, "it's on you because you allowed people to use you" and maybe you're right. It still doesn't negate my statement, but I will admit that it does redirect a sense of accountability to myself. I'll give you half of a point.

Recently, a good friend of mine who I'm a bit sweet on - totally closeted emotions - said something that still resonates with me, "if you keep a wall up, you'll always find yourself trapped". I'm usually good with come backs, but that one stopped me dead in my tracks. I mean, yes, I have up a wall but....never mind, what I was about to say sounded like an excuse. I'm trying to avoid those. What I will say is when people are giving mixed signals, it leaves room for questioning. I say this, if you don't want me to pull your card, show your hand upfront. Seems unfair; however, I'm a skeptic of people because people have used me. I'm always analyzing, over-analyzing....it just never fails. If you claim you care and respect me, why are you constantly giving me your ass to kiss, while talking out the side of your neck? It bewilders me. People say and do different things constantly. How can I NOT be paranoid about how they treat me!? I watch them do it to other people ALL THE TIME! What makes me different? How does that exclude me from possibly being a victim? It doesn't, we're all at risk. Now I'm having thoughts of the "misadvantage epidemic"...not too far-fetched.

So if the stories in my head keep me from being attacked by the "paranormal activity" then so be it. I'd rather drive myself insane, than let someone else do it. Inflicted insanity by another is grounds for violence and dammit I have a future! I'm sayin....

Your thoughts, as always as, are welcome.

VaughnySweet

2nd Quarter Reflections

2011-09-16T13:06:00.001-04:00

It's been a long time...I shouldn't of left you...without some dope words to lean on....

So much has gone on since my last post which was two months ago. I turned 30, lost a woman who was instrumental in making me the person who I am today, along with 5 other family members. Became the glue to keep a program from falling and embarked on my final year of graduate studies...among other things.

For the first time in forever, I feel so disconnected from people, extremely overwhelmed and in no control of my emotions, although I've seemingly kept myself together...not sure how though. I don't even have time for a mental, emotional or spiritual breakdown. My schedule doesn't call for it. Not sure how that's possible but somehow in my world, it is...

Over the last several months, I've experience levels of "unprofessionalism" that one would only see in the movies. I feel like I'm in this big soap opera (in my Yo-Yo voice) filled with sex, lies and treachery; trapped in this confined room with a sloo (peep my coining of words) of chaotic animals who are trying to force me to eat from this tree insanity. I swear this is what's going on...I promise I'm not making this up!

Their own insanity is starting to ooze its way into my mental space, throwing off my chi something serious. At this point, I just want out. I realized a long time ago that I have issues working in groups and working for other people. Everybody don't move the way I move and while I'm perfectly fine with that, having to wait on others before I can move, picking up slack from others' lack of initiative and time management, being blocked from resources needed to be effective and having people throw stones at everything you do is beyond draining. I've spent so much time caring for and ensuring the needs of others are met that I completely forgot that I have a thesis to finish...I mean I do graduate May 2012. It's really only 8 months from now and that's like waiting for a baby to pop out. Figuratively speaking, that baby is my Masters degree.

In the midst of all this, I still feel like a slacker. The workaholic tendencies that were just "tendencies" are now becoming part of who I am and this is scaring me immensely. I mean, at some point, I'd like to date (really date) and get married. Well, how can I if I'm literally in my office until 10pm, then having to driving 20-30mins home. I barely eat a balanced three-course meal, let alone snacks in between. I've totally lost track of me..through it all, I've only had at least three people consistently ask me am I OK. In contrast, I have to give a special thanks to the Fall 2011 graduating class of Seton Hall's Masters of Strategic Communication and Leadership. In the most humbling experience ever, they assured me that all of what I'm doing is not in vain. I've never had anyone praise me. It gave ease to all the frustration, aggravation and tears I've shed over the last two months.

At this very moment, I'm spent. I don't know how much more I can bear, but I do know that it's very little. Should I talk to those involved? Sure. Problem is...I've been talking for the last I don't know how many months and I've only seen small progression. Maybe my expectations are too high..it's possible. Here's the thing, if you tell me you're ready make change and you want me to help, then I take it just as it is...you're ready to make CHANGE. Change can't be expected to occur if the same moves keep being made...that's the definition of insanity. If you're curious to know how I feel about insanity, refer back to the third paragraph.

I laugh I as write this because I can literally write a crafty novel on all that has taken place in the last 4 months. I have title pages in my head and everything...lol. But alas, it doesn't change the fact that I need to remain an agent of change for myself. My mom said something very profound to me this morning that I shared on Facebook, "despite how much you see the vision, sometimes you just have to know when to walk away". As much as it pains me, I have to make the strong decision to say...I quit.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

VaughnySweet

Ponder This

2011-07-06T13:26:00.000-04:00

Lately,I’ve been pondering. There is so much going on in the world not to mention myown personal realm. I have been constantly thinking about where I am and what Ihave been doing with my time over the last few years. I have managed to work ajob where I feel completely unappreciated and used. This for a woman who hasbeen a dedicated employee of said company for two years, nine months, two weeksand five days.

Whenyou position yourself in something that sucks up all of your energy and youperpetuate it because of whatever reason, you can find yourself feeling quitedrained. There is really nothing sexy at all about that feeling. To feel as ifyou have had your emotional bubble burst by a person who knows not the meaningof the inner being of true humanism, radiates no beauty.

I findthat becoming complacent in a circumstance such as the one I have described canafford anyone the opportunity to have their identity wrapped within themadness. During the course of my employment at this particular job, I haveallowed myself to be defined by the job, the way the job treats me and what the it thinks of me. How dare me! How dare I give them more energy and attentionthan I give myself. My self worth does not deserve to be smothered in theignorant soggy sandwich of the job. I am not what I do for employment.

I toldyou I have been pondering. You may feel that this is a given, like I shouldhave already known that. Well, it is one thing to be able to say fancy quotesand post them on your wall or say to the people you see during the course ofthe day. It is an entirely different thing to live it. Live the quotes andinspiring thoughts of the day. This takes work. It is not always an easy featto see your worth and know it everyday of your life; especially if a snippet ofyour situation smells like seven day old broccoli. So yes, I know who I am, Iknow from where I have come, I understand things I have been through, and Iknow that God has scripted a picturesque future for me. I also know thatsometimes life is something that yanks on your innards like they are made ofrubber and snaps them back in ferociously; yet, other days pour a copious amountof rich loving into them.

Irefuse to hold onto the anger or regret about this job. It has been useful. What I will do is remindmyself that I am not this job and vice versa.

CamilleInkwell

Catching Up and Letting Go...

2011-05-17T18:22:00.000-04:00

I'm so quiet today....mainly because I'm in deep thought; although it could possibly be other outside noise, deep thought is where I am. I said to a friend today, sometimes I wish I could crack open my brain so that people could read it. What I didn't follow-up with is that folks would definitely judge the hell outta me once they saw what was is it (lol, as if they already don't). At any rate, these last two weeks have been the best times of my life to date. I've been so at peace with many of the decisions I've made. My semester is over for the summer and I got a small glimpse into what my future could possibly look like, so far deep that it drove me to tears. I still well up a little with emotion when I think about it.

If you haven't noticed, I'm rambling. I have so much on my mind and a strong wave of negative energy has come over me. I haven't prayed in awhile but last night I took out my book of prayers to read, just so I could sleep comfortably. It's a strange thing when you know all the things that have been brewing for so long are about to boil over. I've been inadvertently asking for space from all these extracurricular activities that I've willingly involved myself in. Although the inundate of being around the same group of people on a consistent basis is now starting to weigh on me (only because I'm a Leo and we don't do well with groups), I've learned a lot about the person who I've become. Seems as if turning 30 has really become a turning point. Here are some of the things I've learned thus far:

Learn to be candid with your emotions, if you cannot be REAL with how you feel, you won't be able to communicate them effectively or resolve the problem (s) succinctly.
As soon as you see someone acting a donkey - yes acting a DONKEY - tell them about themselves IMMEDIATELY. It will save you time going down a journey that you probably weren't supposed to take.
Priorities are not just some things on your "to do list", they are tasks that require order of importance, sacrifice and focus. If you are unable to accomplish mastering those three attributes efficiently, you will never collect your $200 upon passing GO.
Words are things people say to you to have one of two effects: (1) to keep you around because the person who's offering you the words are afraid of losing you and (2) to keep you at bay because the person who's offering you the words does not want you to see how trifling they are.

There are many more lessons I've learned, but those are the most reflective at this current time. I honestly say that I'm really getting set in my ways and the ability to edit my words before I say them is a skill I'm slowly losing. Come to think of it, I doubt that's a bad thing; however, I will always want to remain tactful in my speech. I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life to begin. Unlike most, I haven't spent time in my career, although I have dibbled and dabbled in it a bit so I kinda know what it feels like. What I do know is that I want to feel like that forever. As I work to reduce all this negative energy in my environment, I place focus on the things that matter most. Hard pill to swallow (I say this often), but people - in general - just aren't part of that focus. For once, I'm finally considering myself as a first priority (lesson learned # 3) and I see the change because of the change in my focus. Things are becoming more clear to me, even my intuition has gotten stronger, which is something I ask for...every now and again.

Who knew writing could be such a liberating task - well OK, I did obviously, but ever notice (if you do write) that when you leave your words on a page in black and white, life seems to be so much more manageable? Maybe it's just me...

I appreciate you all tuning in this time and as always, your thoughts are welcome.

VaughnySweet

Party for a Cause

2011-04-18T15:47:00.000-04:00

Hola Folks!

It's been a minute but this time I have a valid excuse, it's two syllables...THE-SIS! This has got to be the most humbling time for me. I almost feel like my life (business and personal) depends on this thang and it's really been stressing me. Although the hardest part I've overcome slightly, there's still more to be achieved. I'll be completely finished in May 2012 but that's not the reason for today's post.

Over the last six months, I've been working with a good friend of mine who has now become a great colleague and business partner. Myself and a team of folks have been working together to marry health and wellness with nightlife. Seemingly it hasn't been a difficult task and the response has been overwhelming. As we work to continue this venture, we've embarked on a new challenge. Making our event stationary. Before I delve into that, let me give some background.

The name of the event is called The SWEAT Party (www.thesweatparty.com). As I mentioned before, the concept is marrying health and wellness with nightlife. We do this through the means of music, fashion, dance and now art. It's a party where everyone no matter race, color, creed or religion can come and literally SWEAT IT OUT on the dance floor to some of the best music this world has to offer. We even have our own "signature" DJs [DJ Snatch-1 & DJ CEO] who have notoriety in our area and abroad. We've expounded the event idea to include a Wellness Hour that includes blood pressure screening (this has worked well thus far) and a Zumba class [yes we've taken a piece of the Zumba craze]. For those who purchase pre-sale tickets, they receive what's called the SWEAT Pack, which includes our signature paraphernalia (SWEAT rag and sometimes a SWEAT tank), other incentives vary from free cooking classes to fitness classes, CDs and water bottles. It's an all inclusive event that costs no more than $10 - well if you get there on time. Social media and word of mouth has increased the buzz for this event, so much that we are looking to tour in 2012. So what's the reason for the post? No catch, more of a request to receive your support, which is something I don't do but because I believe so much in what we do I'm more than compelled to bug the hell out of everyone I know - included my followers of this blog.

The We Came to SWEAT campaign is in full effect. Although I'd like for people to pledge some of the higher incentives, really all it takes is $2.00 for us to reach our goal. See, this campaign is two-fold. This not only affects the venue costs for our event (scheduled on May 21st at Tribeca Cinemas - New York), it affects the grade of our Brand Manager - Sheri Ferdz of RamenBerry - who is working on her Master's in Integrated Digital Media. The success of this campaign would mean an A for her and who doesn't want an A in class!?

Below is the link to our campaign. Please contribute what you can. One simple dollar gets your name recognized on our "SWEAT screen" as a "SWEAT supporter" and your contribution is tax deductible. If we make our goal, your charged, if we don't; it's like you didn't even spend it....but we'd like to reach our goal :)

If I ask nothing else, please support the revolution to make lives healthy through the means of dance, music, fashion and art.

I welcome your thoughts as always.

VaughnySweet

kickstarter.com/e/I31re/projects/ramenberry/we-came-to-sweat

A Virtual Vent

2011-03-27T03:22:00.000-04:00

I don't think I ever vented to someone. If I did, I can't even recall who the lucky person was who I allowed to share that moment of disclosure with. Somehow I allowed myself to be "the couch", that people need when they're frustrated, feeling emotional or just need an ear. I'd like to believe I'm a good listener, although my best friend recently told me I suck ass at it. That 24hr discussion via text (which is not the best way to resolve an issue of course) change the nature of our friendship, which I honestly believe no longer exists. Sad thing to report.

This is the hardest pill to swallow but I realize (or at least coming to the realization) that no one really gives a shit about what I have to say. Well, maybe except all of you because you keep reading my blog, lol. But seriously, no one cares. As I self-confess, that really bothers me. I believe the information I share is equally important and I also believe I deserve an ear to lean on as much as everyone leans mine over. Could it be possible that I developed this hard of a shell, alienating myself from the help of others, that no one thinks I could use a sounding board?

For now, this blog space is all I have and there's still much I omit, just for the sake of this not becoming an open-face diary. Haven't learned to refrain from going into my own problems while people tell me about theirs. That would defeat the purpose of them venting to me right? Guess I just want someone to genuinely ask me how I'm doing without feeling obligated to and actually engage in listening to how I feel. Ironically, parts of me know I'll cut the convo short because I don't like dumping my emotions on other people. That's simply because people do it to me constantly, so I know how that feels. Wonder if that would then make that a double-edged sword? Probably not.

As the official date of my 30th approaches, I've become accepting of all the many idiosyncrasies about myself that are seemingly, unattractive - for lack of a better term - and made conscious efforts to improve Somehow, I'm coming to grips with old habits that are dying a slow death. This phase in my life is definitely an interesting journey. I like what I'm learning and being very "grown" about the findings. I just look forward to getting better and hope one day my "sounding board" won't always be virtual...

At any rate, thanks for listening.

VaughnySweet

Done.com

2011-02-28T19:18:00.001-05:00

This past weekend was....interesting. I've been picking up a few themes lately. This particular theme was "fed up". Nope, no fancy term this time, just clear and cut, fed up. I reconnected with my best friend this weekend and made acquaintance with a few new folks, one who grew up around the corner from me and we'd never met until Saturday. Interesting how the degrees of separation are so close. Both of them shared their stories of how, over time, they've become exhausted with giving their all to something or someone, they just quit trying and turned cold ("hood" in terms of my best friend) but qualities enabled them to be people-pleasers, were no longer existent. Traits were they would show empathy or compassion have simply faded. Parts of them had become cold but I understood why as I've been through and currently going through the same thing. This theme of fed up stuck with me. I remember conversations with folks earlier in the week and it all started to link together. This concept of burn out didn't just apply to most of their professional lives, it spilled over into their personal lives as well. People have just been taking and taking, now their fuses are short, patience worn thin and tact diminishing by the second. Relative to their situation, I find myself screaming on people a lot more than not. Words seems run off my tongue before I can filter them. In essence, we're all emotionally drained and tired of being in this position....fed up.

I guess you're looking for me to provide a solution to the problem like I usually do but I don't have one. Essentially people who continuously feel that they can just place you in position you don't want to be without asking you and unbeknown to you; or folks who think they can speak and act any type of way without expectation of repercussions will constantly receive the verbal beat down that they deserve. Allah, God, Yahweh and Olodumare help the man or woman who comes at me sideways, specifically on the wrong day. OK so that sounds mean but seriously, people need to know when enough is enough and daggumit (only cause I have 4 translations of God in here), it's ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Only because I love this song, although it doesn't really have anything to do with the post, lol...

VaughnySweet

Well...I thought I knew you bbmconfusedface

2011-02-15T17:18:00.000-05:00

I always find it interesting when I really allow my observant qualities to run loose. So many things that are unnoticeable to the naked eye become so clear to me. I sit here and laugh at all the "signs" that have been placed in my face just within the past couple of weeks. Little innuendos that other people don't notice I pick up on, without even really paying attention. I'm not even looking for it, some things just seems so obvious.

The motivation for my ramble is this whole idea of people keeping secrets. I mean, don't get me wrong, I get it and trust me, I have PLENTY of secrets but some things between people should be disclosed. For example, if your dating someone and your best friend or even just someone who you've established a close relationship with has dated and/or slept with that person, one of them mofos should tell you. Not because there's hate but because no one should be put in a position to double dip. It's not fair to you. Information like that locked away can damage a relationship and a friendship. I speak from experience. Another moment of disclosure, if you decide to do business with someone, you need to know their ENTIRE business life. Why? Let's say you become a partner with someone and they disclose financial records, inside plans, etc. BUT they somehow forgot to tell you that they had some small fling with one of the board members. It was nothing serious - at least they thought it was nothing serious - and it only lasted maybe a month or two. Fine, that's they're business right? Not when there's a business meeting with a potential client or investor and that board member notices how buddy-buddy and chummy-chummy your "partner" is with that potential client/investor. Can you say sabotage!?

Yeah secrets have their purpose in this world but should be utilized effectively. I've noticed how folks have been dancing around subjects either because they assume I'm gonna get mad, be disappointed or maybe walk away from a relationship. My biggest pet peeve is when people make decisions for me based on an outcome that they don't even know will take place. It truly bothers me because everyone assumes they know me when they've only been afforded a small taste of who I am. It bothers me even more when people assume that I can't handle specific information for whatever reason. I mean, I know it really isn't my business what people "think" of me but it concerns me a bit to watch them assume I am this person they've created in their head.

I guess what I'm getting at is...JUST FREAKIN' TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? I'll handle the information as it's presented to me. Seriously, I'll be 30 six months. I'm getting old, who has time for all these clandestine profiles, meetings, lives...while these crazy arse people are so busy wondering how they're gonna keep whatever minute piece of information from me and for however long, I'm questioning their integrity, their ethics and their character. Anyone who goes that far to hide some superficial piece of information from you just for the sake of doing so to protect whatever "concept" they thought of in their mind is not trustworthy or forthright. Those are the people I do my best to avoid but somehow, they find me and inject themselves into my life. Le sigh....well at least the story never ends. If it did, there would be no entertainment left for you all now would it...lol.

I welcome your thoughts...as always.

VaughnySweet

30 Pearls Campaign...A plan to change now and forever

2011-02-13T20:23:00.000-05:00

This year I've dedicated myself to improving my health. Financial health, spiritual health and mental health. So far, I'm pretty behind. I've gotten sick twice this year...twice in matter of 3 weeks. How far off track could I be. So as I sit here, stomach raw, abs sore from whatever concoction I ate, it's slapping me in the face that I seriously have to make moves to change how I take care of myself. Seven years ago, I made a life changing decision to join a weight loss program and after 21 weeks, I lost 40lbs simply by changing the way I eat. I was liberated, confident, sexy...I felt like myself, the best self in years and over the course of 5 years, I gained it all back. It depressed me, even the shopaholic in me became suppressed. During that same time, I was in the best financial shape ever. How many 24 year olds do you know have A credit? I was one of them....until I quit my job. It wasn't a premature leave but let's just say - for the sake of brevity - everything began to fall a part. It seemed like a downward spiral I was on. It actually sparked me to start this very blog.

Since then, I've gained most of my confidence back and maybe lost a couple of inches along the way but I'm not completely healthy. So to recharge, restart and redirect my energy into a more positive light, I created this strategic plan for my life called The 30 Pearls Campaign. I really stepped outside of myself and created something that can completely change everything. I've even shared the same plan with some of my closest girls and they too have been empowered. Sounds great right? Well, let's go back to the beginning of the post. Not only am I sick, I'm behind on the goals I set for myself for this first quarter. The realization of me falling back into the same place that I am working to climb myself out of hit me like a MACK truck and I got scared. Scared that I wouldn't be able to come out of this hole that I've been in for years and that leads me to where I am right now....sitting still....with a sore stomach and raw abs. Coming to the realization, again, that I cannot continue to neglect myself or continue to do and give so much of myself to the others, more than I do and give to myself. Last night, I went back to what I wrote on December 18, 2010 and "redirected" my energy back to what my ultimate goal was....ME.

Here's what I learned while drafting 30 Pearls, we (you, me and everyone else) have to begin treating ourselves as an entity. We are a business and we must preserve the integrity of our business. We need rules, a code of ethics, a sense of accountability...we need guidance to steer and keep us on the right track. We need goals, a mission, a vision...a plan. A business plan or even better, a strategic plan for our lives. Hence the creation of 30 Pearls.

So I'm off track, I realize that; however, the breakthrough is not just realizing that I am off track, it comes when I move forward to get back on the yellow brick road (heard The Wiz was on today). In the midst of my stillness, I recharged myself, which is the point of 30 Pearls. Am I ready to face the world and conqueror it...slightly. I mean let's be realistic, simply reading something isn't going to change me that quickly. I understand that it's a process and the less pressure I put on myself to reform and realize that I am only human, despite the superhero I secretly believe I am, the better my chances will be for completely my goals and fully changing my life.

I welcome your thoughts...

VaughnySweet

The Month of Polar Opposites

2011-02-09T02:20:00.000-05:00

Here we are at a time in the year that sort of makes me feel indifferent. I am happy that it is Black History Month but I am bombarded by this semi-Greek god and supposedly patron Saint. I'll get into those in a minute.

On the shortest month of the year, we take time out to celebrate a nation of people who set precedents, changed the direction of industries, were innovators, survivors and agents of change and leadership. Regardless of whether people want to admit it or not, this country was built on the backs of African Americans. The first building where the man (hopefully woman) with the highest office of this country sits, was built by a Black man, Benjamin Banneker to be exact. He is also the designer of the district capital, DC and the creator of the Atlas. How many of you knew that? Black History is essentially American history and it is continuously limited to 28 days, even though many of the products and tools we use 365 days per year were created by African Americans, such as a simple light bulb. Although Thomas Edison has been credited as the creator of the light bulb, Lewis Latimer created the filament needed to generate the electricity to the light bulb for it to...you guessed it, "light". Without the filament, we might still be in the dark.

It just slightly perturbs me that you have to seek a high channeled cable station geared specifically towards African American programming to get some TV knowledge on Black history. Why can some of the main networks develop a special!? But, it's wishful thinking...

Why am I "sour" about Valentine's Day? Oh so you figured out the semi-Greek god and the patron Saint were descriptions of the "Valentine's Day" symbols. Smart folks...well, I hate (and I do mean hate) to burst your bubble but their are 2 different stories behind "Valentine's Day" (I'm not EVEN gonna touch on the whole Cupid thing). Here's story # 1...

During 4th century B.C., the Romans celebrated a young man's rites of passage through the Roman god Lupercus - the god of fertility - during the time of Spring. During the festival young women - who were virgins - had there names placed in a lottery for the young men to choose. Upon their choosing, the young woman would be that man's "companion" for the evening, in which another lottery was drawn and the same scenario would take place. After 800 hundred years of this tradition, the church put an end to the "female" lottery and used Saint name instead of young adolescent female names.

Story # 2...

Still in Rome under King Claudius II's rule - about 270 AD - he believed that young men made better soldiers unwed, so he forbade any solider of war to marry. At the time Valentine was the bishop of the church and he went against this rule and married young soldiers and their fiancées in secret ceremonies. Claudius became aware and arrested Valentine for treason. According to the story, Valentine went to jail and was then stoned for not admitting to the marriages as crimes against the city. What is left out is the time Valentine spent in jail. While Valentine was in jail, he would receive a frequent visitor to his cell; the visitor was his cell mate - Asterius' - daughter. She would bring the Valentine food and water. Eventually the two fell in love but what is left out of this equation is that Asterius' daughter was 14. Valentine converted his cell mate and daughter to Christianity. Claudius attempted to get Valentine to drop his religion and convert to paganism but instead, Valentine attempted to convert Claudius to Christianity but it backfired. Before he was stoned to death, he sent a note to Asterius' daughter penning it "From Your Valentine". This ideal of love notes signed "from your valentine" is origin of today's "holiday"/celebration. The Catholic church crowned him a Patron Saint for his efforts to preserve the sacrament of marriage.

So there you have it, sex, lies and death during the same month of commemoration, honor, pride and remembrance. Yeah OK, I sound bitter but when will the history of African Americans in this country and abroad take more precedent than a little baby with wings, a diaper and a bow n' arrow!? I can't be asking for too much can I?

I welcome your thoughts....

VaughnySweet

Does hard work really pay off?

2011-02-01T19:01:00.000-05:00

The ability to create is such an amazing thing. At times I amaze myself with where my mind tends to go. I've been in the business of creation far longer than I can remember. These past couple of months, I've drummed up some content that has the ability to possibly change more than a million lives. It's awesome if I may say so myself (I'm learning to toot my own horn); however, I wonder if all this creativity will ever be valued.

For years, I've done what I could to help better the lives of others. For years I used the wonderful ideas that my brain so easily "creates" as a means to produce change, create a sale, start a movement, or simply appreciate the value of a customer; and for years, nothing. Sometimes not even a thank you and still, still I continue to create. At times I wonder if I'm playing myself. Other times I can't seem to deny how my brain functions. Somehow I never ask "what's in it for me", but not surprisingly, those same people I work with; oftentimes for, always seem to ask that question and get it answered. They benefit. Where's my benefit you ask? For me, it's the experience - not much, I know - but although I love to see the fruits of my labor, lately I haven't been enjoying it. The long hours, mental strain, sometimes sleepless night because of my brain moving at lighting speed, all of it sometimes gets nothing but a mere "this looks great Vee", as my hard work rolls off into the sunset and makes people money. Well...sometimes it makes people money, if karma doesn't snatch it first.

What's the purpose of this ramble? This simple question: does hard work really pay off? Is it possible to be over-valued and appreciated? Can people really reward others for their hard work and dedication? Of course they can...some just choose not to because they're takers. Unfortunately for me, I attract takers, ironically - maybe not so much - because I'm a giver. Seems like a double-edged sword that keeps stabbing me. That made me laugh but seriously, something is wrong with this picture. This can't be my path or a continuous cycle!? So where...when does it end?

I'm open for suggestions...

VaughnySweet

So....

2011-02-01T18:40:00.000-05:00

It was less than 48hrs that last time we spoke. So much has happened since then....HOW ARE YOU!? Happy late, late New Year! We're mid way through the first quarter and I hope your are accomplishing the goals you set out to accomplish thus far. What have I done? Well, I gained an opportunity to work in conjunction with the administrators of my program, while I complete my degree. Out of over 100 students that I applied, I was chosen. So far it has been such a blessing. I've also been afforded the opportunity to help restructure a company and lead it down the path to develop possibly one of the greatest health and wellness campaigns this country has seen. On a personal note, I created a strategic plan for my life. It's a year campaign called 30 Pearls. I shared it with someone of my closest friends and they believe I have the ability to change the lives of youth and young adults across the nation. I don't see it yet, but I'm learning that there are a lot of things that I'm just not meant to see. These are some really dark shades I have on, lol....

Although I didn't particularly ring in the New Year the way that I had hoped at the top of midnight hour, I was counting a load of cash. I believe in signs and symbols, and trust me...I definitely took that as a sign of what's to come. I truly believe that this is going to be a great year. We've worked so hard. We've planted seeds, sown them, cultivated them and now, it is time for them to harvest. I truly believe that we will finally reap what we've sown and in the best possible way.

How has this year treated you thus far? The Eastern seaboard is experiencing the heaviest Winter conditions that we've seen over a decade. I believe these bouts of cabin fever will enable people to create things unimaginable. When the mind has time to play, it designs some of the most marvelous things. Have you been creating? I'd love to hear how you've been thus far....

Sharing is sexy....

VaughnySweet

This Year May Be Over but It's Just Beginning...

2010-12-30T14:14:00.000-05:00

As the year comes to a close there are so many things to reflect upon. After battling for a year with my managers, I became more proactive, went out on a limb and took a risk that ultimately led to me to finally doing what I've wanted to do for such a long time...start my own business.

There have been so many doubts from people about my abilities, I felt like I'd been hazed from January until now or maybe it was just a process for me to recognize that I don't need anyone's approval...God (who is my higher power) has already given me his stamp. This week in particular has been amazing. I am truly learning the power of speaking your life into existence. Although this month started off on the wrong foot, it's ending on the right one. I am understanding fully, the art and concept of sacrifice. I'm realizing that so many people demand...me and it's not something I've recognized over the years. I've become more confident in my abilities - in general - and my surety is positioning me to be and do something great. Even though there is still a small fear that I have, I see where I need to begin and prepare myself for what's to come.

I'm not a big Christmas "celebrator" (retail has tainted me for life) but I can definitely say, this year of giving was the most rewarding. Although I stepped away from a volunteer group that I've been a part of since its inception, we executed our greatest feat and with class. I finished my second semester of graduate school [yes I finally went back] and created plans of action for both myself and two other businesses that may catapult us to heights unimaginable. In lieu of a car accident and toe injury, it sparked me to create a strategic plan for myself with a year implementation to get my life back on track. Conversations of the need for achievement and success in our lives with some of my closest friends, allowed me to share this same plan; so that they may create goals and deliverables to help them do the same. In essence, it may be the start of a movement that could very well empower women, men, young boys and girls across the country but...I have to ensure it works.

My father and I have been communicating a lot more as I've gotten older. The many conversations about my current laptop falling a part at the seams, triggered something that enabled him to buy me a new laptop for Christmas. At that moment, he became the provider that I've always needed and wanted. It was the first real Christmas gift from my father that I could remember in years. It showed the growth in our relationship. The laptop coupled with the wireless router my mom bought me, now allows me to work from home. It was just more confirmation that the decision I made was the right one. I still continue with my faith that I am going in the right direction.

I wouldn't say this year was a "horrible" year but it was definitely a moment of test that I recognized early. I see my growth and I look forward to moving to the next chapter. I've connected with so many great people this year, people with whom I know I can continue to build. I'm not really into saying "this is gonna be my year" - simply because it usually doesn't turn out that way - but I am truly positive that 2011 will be a time of change, progression and growth. I am finally confident to step out, take risks and be accepting of the outcome. I can only grow from them and as I move forward on this journey; I look forward to the good and bad as continued test of my strength and endurance. The road I've traveled definitely hasn't been easy but has also been quite unnecessary; however, I'm making peace with my past and learning to accept the decisions I've made, see them for what they are, unchain myself and move on. This has been my greatest feat yet and my baby steps have grown. For once, I can say I am proud of me. This has been my greatest accomplishment of all...

What have been yours, what are you going to improve? Have you planned for the year? I'm curious to know....as always your thoughts are welcome.

VaughnySweet

Thanksgiving Uncovered

2010-11-25T10:21:00.001-05:00

The year is wrapping up so quickly. I still have memories of my 4th of July weekend (which RAWKED by the way). In this season of Thanksgiving, there are so many things that I am thankful for - aside from the basic "my family", "my friends", "food on the table", etc - I am grateful for those little things everyday, not just because it's Thanksgiving. Such dismissed items as "life" itself is what I am most grateful for. Last week I walked away from a car accident with no injuries and within two days, injured my knee and my toe. Needless to say I got the message that 1. I have too much going on in my life and 2. I need to sit my tail down somewhere and be still; but I digress.

Historically this really shouldn't be day of celebration but more so reflection. The native people of the "Americas" were fooled into breaking bread with the pilgrims, prepared a turkey as a symbol of community and togetherness; and were then raped, maimed, killed, had their land burned and then stolen from them, all in the name of Christianity. Makes me wonder where all this pride for land that is not "ours" comes from. As a descendant of Native American roots (I grew up in the house with mine), I recognize this day for what it is but I've also equated this day as a symbol of family. I grew up with Thanksgiving being time where I see family members whom I haven't seen in years at times. We eat, converse and share memories as a family. They way Thanksgiving is supposed to be celebrated.

My charge to all of us (this includes me), besides maintaining our usual traditions, is to gather in thanksgiving with our family and friends more than just one time a year. This year, so many people have passed on and it seems as if it increases as we get deeper into the 21st Century and this decade. Let's not dismiss the true meaning of Thanksgiving with all the glitz and glamour of parades and retail sales. See it for what it is...thanks - giving.

Happy Holidays folks and as always, your thoughts are welcome.

VaughnySweet

Unblocked...Unlocked and Throwing Away the Key

2010-11-09T20:34:00.000-05:00

Writer's block is such an evil demon. For the creator or at least the writer who is creative, it is the worst feeling ever when you have thoughts swirling in your head that seem to fight hitting the paper. Twiddling your pen, tapping your finger against the keys...it's the worst. I've found myself sitting up in my bed late night with my blackberry in hand, hoping jotting down words and phrases in my memo pad would help but I realize I just have to allow the completeness to come to me. I can't force it.

That has been my vice with blogging. I struggle to post even weekly. An idea pops in my head and just like that, the words begin to formulate. Sometimes I hear the paragraphs forming and before I can open my blackberry or grab a pen, I either lose the thought or my email notification chimes, BBM is going off, my phone is ringing, someone is calling my name...needs my attention and then its gone. Everything that I "wrote" in my head is gone and then it closes. That creative door bolts itself shut and it takes days, weeks even for it to open again. It's a constant battle with my mind.

In my quest to find a cure, I realized or at least it was brought to my attention that I am involved in so many "things". Keeping myself busy has never been a challenge. I always have something to do, the problem is piling on the "to do list" so much that I overstock my plate. As they say, the eyes become bigger than the stomach. Now I am at a crossroad where my thoughts are repeatedly on froze, which isn't good for me because I'm in a place where I need to be clear of mind. My creative juices need to flow...my money depends on it. The issue comes down to what "thing" am I going to move off of my plate, in order to free up space in my mind. I've been in deep thought about one project that has been overwhelming me from what it seems to be since inception. It's a harsh reality when you realize that you are working someone else's dream and they really don't appreciate you, although they say it but it all seems superficial.

I'm taking my battling issues with writer's block as a sign that I need to let this "thing" go. Constantly giving 100% of your time to something that's really gonna do nothing but make someone else look good is insanity. In my infinite blessings post, I said "selflessness equates to reciprocity" and it does; however, "insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results". There has to be a line drawn where you realize that the more you give yourself to those who don't really appreciate you, the more they will drain you dry, leaving you to squeeze out nutrients for the more important things that require your attention. Pure insanity.

So without the conviction I have been searching for in my heart, just be sure that I have some form of empathy - which doesn't seem to exist - I drop this bad habit like a hot potato. I affirm my decision with the thought that I have the freedom to share my mind with whomever and not feel bound by conditions, terms and agreements ("indirect" agreements). Even as I write this I feel a sense of liberation. Guess that means I'm going the right way.

For the people I will leave behind, I wish them well and hope that they are able to find someone who is OK with being a puppet...having a boxed in voice and working to make someone look good. At the end of the day, I work for me. I use my talents to support those who I believe in, not create a "being" that does not exist. Although I have the capabilities to do so and very well; what then happens when I leave? How can you survive? Where does that leave you? Who will pick up the pieces? How will you exist if I am the one who enabled you to do so? Where will your obtain air?

Just some thoughts, I welcome yours....as always.

VaughnySweet

Infinite Blessings

2010-10-20T23:02:00.002-04:00

So they say your thoughts become your words and your words become your actions. My question to you is, what have you said that you've done lately? Don't answer that so quickly. I shared something with a close friend of mine, "selflessness equates to reciprocity. When you give without selfish intentions, your blessings come back tenfold".
It's like this, if you're in the business of service, when you provide that service and make them look good, you look good and because you made that person look good, their people will want the same results, in turn, leaving them to look to you to achieve their goals.

The windows of opportunity burst open and the blessings that were designed for you increase. It becomes this neverending cycle of grace, mercy and blessings, simply because you did something for someone without expecting anything in return. "Selflessness equate reciprocity", it's simple mathematics don't you think?

I welcome your thoughts

VaughnySweet

The Cake Has Been Iced

2010-10-18T20:03:00.000-04:00

They say multi-tasking makes you stupid. I always thought it kept you sharp. Lately I've been wondering if it has made me ineffective. It's been so long since we've talked...so much has happened. I'm back in school, taking on new ventures with GRAET people and I even embarked on this new journey to promote natural skin care with a new product line Suga' On Top (you can inquire and/or place orders at sugaskincarefiles@gmail.com <-- shameless plug). I'm excited about everything that is happening; however in the same instance the very things that are contributing to my happiness seem to be clashing with my life on the "front end". Nothing personal...all business, if you catch my drift.

I'm battling with the notion of how I am effective and efficient with all my side ventures but I'm missing the mark in my professional life. Doesn't make sense at all. Makes me wonder if all this multi-tasking is making me dull, I mean I am aging gracefully...but it really can't be all that different, can it?

I've never had a problem with my work but I keep being faced with this brick wall that says "You Suck!".
The more I tear it down, the more the folks on the other end keep plugging in the holes. The reasoning seems valid but where does the line between credible and contemptible cross? Could something that seems so petty be truly valid? Should it really count? Does it even matter?

I'm at a point where I am completely tapped out. I don't have the "care" to fight anymore. When I weigh out the pros and cons, the cons seem to always outweigh the pros. It's just simply not worth it. As I become more experienced I realize that some battles just really aren't battles and your energy should be preserved for the things that are worth fighting for and in this situation, it's not.

A truly enlightening day today was and as I continue to learn more about myself (which has somehow become a new discovery) the "old me" and parts of me that have become dormant are beginning to resurface. Honestly, I'm enjoying every bit.

My phrase for today - done.com! Are you there yet?

VaughnySweet

Scalp is Skin!

2010-10-15T17:00:00.002-04:00

We forget that our scalp is a part of our skin and affects our entire body. Do you know what you are putting on your scalp...your hair? Do you read the labels of your hair products? Probably not. Suga' On Top's Body Glaze is not only a great way to polish your skin but is also an awesome way to keep your scalp moisturized. Blending with key essential oils such as almond and apricot, the Vitamins A & E provide nourishment to your scalp without the heavy, greasy residue. Our Mango Mint Tea is perfect for the scalp, as mango provides antioxidants to the skin and the mint oil, cools the scalp from irritation of harsh chemicals on the hair. Many beauticians use it and love it!

The Suga' On Top Body Glaze comes in flavorful scents such as Pink Flamingo, White Chocolate Martini, Warm Milk and Honey, Black Mission, Storm, Vanilla Dream and Flirtini, in addition to the Mango Mint Tea.

Don't be afraid to add a lil Suga' to your hair and skin care regime ;)

At $10 a pop, our Body Glaze is ready for order and purchase. Email: sugaontop@comcast.net and tell 'em Vaughny sent ya!

Selfish vs Selfless...is there even a point!?

2010-07-28T17:40:00.000-04:00

My mind has been boggled with doing things for myself and doing things for others, participating in events that support friends and associates or deciding to say "eff it" and stay home. What I don't understand...you know what I'm gonna be as candid as I can be, it is my blog right!? What KILLS ME is that everyone else does things for themselves and the moment...the VERY MOMENT I decide to things for me, I get twisted upper lips, stares, persuasive speeches, mocked, snubbed, eye rolls and whiny pleas. I don't get it. Maybe it's my fault for being so selfless or even making myself so available.

This whole concept of perception has got me looking at life from a different telescope. It's quite clearer than it has been. I see myself as this giving person who always tries to do what's best for those that I care about. I can't do everything (although I try) and I'm not sure how other people do but I do what I can and within reason. I've been noticing with the people that I've associated myself with is that my efforts are not enough. I am not sure if they are looking for me to mimic their actions but this battle between when it's right to be selfish vs selfless is really weighing down on me.

It's been over a year since I've been blogging and I don't think I've ever mentioned my birthday. It's next Friday and I've been greatly overwhelmed with trying to make this a memorable occasion. It's the last of my twenties <-- bet some of you were curious - and I want to have a great time with good company. Very simple. What I've noticed during this process is that people have, in so many ways, been very como se dice, "interested" in what I am doing with my money and my time. Not because they necessarily want to be involved in what I'm planning but more so because they want to know why I am not spending on these "pre-planned" events. Here's the thing, we all make commitments to be involved in something, party with friends, trips, social clubs, etc and it sounds great when you first start out and then life happens. Your not able to make it out like you have been, your money gets tied up in other personal affairs, your tired, work is draining you, you decided you were tired of dating your girlfriends and got a man...whatever the case may be things change for people and you have to adjust accordingly. Sounds reasonable right? Not in my case. Somehow the people I've surrounded myself with don't seem to understand that shit happens. Specifically with me. I can be go one minute and then find out a week later that I can't. The only thing routine in my life is that I wake up (until God takes me), shower, dress, commute to and from work, eat three meals a day, watch the 11pm news and go to sleep. Everything else in between is tentative.

So now here it is, my 29th birthday and I've planned a short weekend of small events, nothing big, a club night and Sunday brunch. Here's how my possibly paranoid mind thinks, "she can plan something for her birthday but can't come out to do (insert event name here)!? I'm not going to that ish!" Maybe I'm paranoid and maybe I'm not but do you ever stop to wonder if people are really saying the things about you that you have in your head? It's a vice that I can't seem to overcome.

My question in all of this is, what is the point in being "selfish" vs "selfless"? Is doing either even worth it? For me, it doesn't pay to be either. I'm criticized or mistreated when I'm selfless and I'm criticized and shunned when I'm selfish, which are quite rare moments.

My mom sent me the "Word of the Day" from Joel Olsteen and it talked about letting go of comparisons but in it one part really spoke to me, "You aren't here to impress anybody; you don't have to prove anything because you are God's special workmanship". That spoke volumes to me. In an earlier post, I admitted that I am a people-pleaser and of course this horrible quality of mine has done nothing but placed me in the situation I'm in now. I'm not in denial that I try to do everything and be everything for everybody because I believe in supporting those who I care about. That's big to me. In the same instance, I really don't have to be anything to or anywhere for anybody, especially if they aren't reciprocating the actions. Lately, I haven't seen much of anything from a lot of people who feel they need to "include me". Like I'm some lone ranger looking for a friend. I have tendency to isolate myself (only-child syndrome) but I damn sure aint hard up for some friends. I got just enough.

Anyhoo, I'm off my soapbox now. To be selfish or selfless...that is the question!

Your thoughts are welcome.

VaughnySweet

Letting it Go...

2010-07-24T18:04:00.001-04:00

As I sit in Starbucks - for the longest time ever - I'm sitting here wondering why I've never gone through with this the multiple times I've said to myself that I would come to the Bux and rock out....smh at myself. I've been feeling some type of way about a lot things and today, while I'm sitting here facing the view from the window with the sun slowing kissing my skin through the glass, it seems all irrelevant to me.

Although I'm not an open book, I'm such a sensitive creature. Almost like an "empath", I feel what other people feel, sense when someone or something is wrong and go through my own personal emotional changes. I believe we all go through emotional changes at some point or another but today, probably for the first time, I'm wondering if all the extra "emotion" I got going on is even necessary. Really, how are these emotional changes benefiting me and what does this have to do with the price of milk in the hood!? Not a damn thing.

In my quest to find ultimate happiness (which I believe is achievable but not in the way most of us may think), I will constantly go through changes. It's a part of who I am as a person. What I am working to change about me, is not to let the period of emotional quarrel, stop my productivity. It has more than often and I lose focus on the bigger picture. I'm human, I slip up; however, I don't want this fact that I am human and imperfect to become a crutch and hinder me, nor do I want my strive for perfection to burn me to the ground. Honestly, living the life of a perfectionist is draining. You set these unrealistic goals for yourself to achieve and at anytime when you don't reach your mark, it sets you at this level or boarder line depression and mania that is unreal. People who suffer from this "acute disease" like myself, often have issues with boundaries and balance. It's a tough road to overcome and unfortunately over the year it has stunted my growth in many ways. I can no longer allow that to take place.

I have no doubt that I will continue to have these periods of reflection. I believe it helps me come to grips with many things that I place in the "denial" folder. The point of reform in all of this is being proactive and not weigh down on my emotions to long or hard (no pause).

I guess with all my rambling, my point is for me to just get over myself and keep it movin....

Your thoughts, as always, are welcome.

VaughnySweet

This song may not be as appropriate but I love it...one of my faves

How Do You Spell "Support System"... F-A-I-L!

2010-07-16T12:15:00.000-04:00

It's been over a month since I've spoken to you all but surprisingly I've had so much to say. I had my Father's Day and Juneteenth posts to share...unfortunately the WiFi on the Mega bus (which is a cool way to travel if your in the Northeast) was acting MAADD funky on my way back to Jerz. I may still do a recap but I wanted to share some thoughts in my head...not that this is unusual but I need an outlet and would like some crafty opinions to along with it, so....here it goes....

I woke up this morning feeling great then all of a sudden my mood changed. The words that are swirling in my head right now are "where is your support system"? Today as I got dressed, I went through my usual self-conscious phase and became mad at myself for not really taking advantage of this FREE gym membership I have. How fortunate was I to obtain something I needed so bad. I made a promise to myself to go and candidly speaking, I failed. The words "support system" popped into my head because I realized, oncest again, that I have omitted myself from the equation of "caring for..." I may not be "in the flesh" for everyone but I do always try to keep my word and be in support of others then it hit me today, "Vaughny...who is in support of you!?" and I had to be honest and admit to myself, "not that many people in your immediate circle". So now we have a problem. If I'm constantly giving others my all and it is not being reciprocated in at least the smallest percentage, why am I wasting my time. This - in many ways - connects to some of the earlier posts, you should read them (shameless plug). I've been using this word friend very loosely. Not so much to toot my own horn, but I have this cool arse magnetic personality, with a tendency to connect with people very quickly. In opposition, I also have this horrible tendency to let people in my space just as fast, leaving me with an inundate of outside emotions, crowded space and drained energy.

My opinion in this regard is that people view what I give as "friendship" differently and they view what they reciprocate, as well as, what they define as "friendship" in that same mindset. I tend to go by what I see, and although I hate to provide this quote, "you can only go by what people show you, not what they claim". My manager said that about me and it pissed me off but when I reflect back on those words and apply it to my current state of mind, it makes perfect sense. The fake smiles and air kisses, side comments and jokes, speak to me one day, shun me the next...it's all exhausting to witness and experience; and I've experienced all of it way too much and too often. When will I see someone give me what I give them? I can only name a few that come close but spending all this money, appearing at all these events, emails, Facebook, Twitter...how does this all benefit ME? Seems kinda a selfish but if anyone ever noticed, I'm actually very self-less. But, alas, people only recognize what you don't do for them and not what you have already done. Or, could it be that I'm being given a long-handle spoon and just now realizing it...or maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that I have to stop being so friendly and giving to others who don't offer those same gifts first or even outright deserve it. I'm so quick to throw myself off the ledge (figuratively speaking), not realizing that the people I'm jumping for are just laughing and giggling while my heart is being splattered all over the place; and as they walk off into the sunset with all the nutrients and vitamins they received from me, I'm left to deal with disdain and bitterness while I attempt to pick up the pieces and move on....

Ok, so maybe that's a bit dramatic, I can be most times...but don't you ever feel that way after you've opened yourself up for someone or some people, only to find out that they were thieves? How often have you (me) shown people who you really were, only to find out that they were nothing but a wax figure all along and the person you've come to know is someone who you probably wouldn't have NEVER dealt with in the first place. They don't even move the same way you do, lol...

Food for thought: If you had to grade your support system (family, friends, etc.) how would they fair? Right now, mine is looking like a low C, high D...

Anyhoo, I'm off my soapbox for today...eh, maybe just for the moment :) and as always, your thoughts are welcome.

VaughySweet

The Uneducated Intellectual – Law of Opposition

2010-06-10T17:22:00.000-04:00

Seasons, changes…
How do we spring forward or do we spring back.
Opposites don’t attract – chaotic bliss.
No world order. Fall back, fall in line, fall down, fall out, fall forward?
No sense of crime, something like an ignorant genius.
These oxymorons flood my mind.
A paradoxical season…of change.
No love of my own, spinning the wheel, hoping for a sign, all I get is “lose a turn”.
Can’t be at square one because I don’t know that is. Crossroads – do they exist?
This Freudian mindset boggles me. Vanilla Sky, Butterfly Effect…the Matrix – are we stuck – Virtual insanity?

Should’ve been a Space Cowboy flying off that cheeba.
Maybe that’s the point of pure bliss.
Not knowing whether the sky is black, blue or purple.
Have I qualified for Graystone yet? Are you
Sure you won’t be joining me? No? Says who…you?
How can that be when you call the sky sunny
Yet all I see is this dark cloud following you.
Maybe you should Feng Shui your mind, clear some mental space.
Let Phineas and Ferb create a summer experiment on your thoughts.

Still think I’m insane?

Says who…you? Can’t be. I see your routine:
Wake up
Dress for work
Social networking time (you know FB and Twitter)
Lunch
Work
Leave
Bar
Lounge
Business cards
Phone numbers
Ride home or the person you met
Shower
Sleep
Do it again....
And you call me insane?

Heard this chick from LA say

"Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results."

So who’s insane?

Leave me be with my dreams, aspirations, cartoons, sunny skies and spontaneous drives…
Until this Earth runs dry, it will always speak to me and I will forever answer it’s call.
A bubble, a shell, protection – space.
Can you see the message behind the matter
The codes, etymology (Hey Dee!), the meaning?
Can you figure it out?
1973, 1983, 1993, 2003, 2013, seems all the same to me.
Standing still while everything around us moves.
Are you caught up?
Mind travel with me and I’ll show you a thing or two.
Trust me, insanity aint all that bad
Once you realize what SANITY actually is…so are you ready?
My Portal to the recognized unknown is ready – hop through!

More Poems

2010-06-10T17:07:00.000-04:00

I decided to post some more...they may just show up randomly, lol

In 2 U: The Wanting

So I'm into you. Your presence resonates my being...I'm into you.
Like a needle and thread intertwined, making this path of unknowingness....I'm into you

I think about your touch and I smile, I think about your smile and my heart moves, I think about your heart and my spirit sings...I'm into you. Your energy is crazy, your mind is a mystery waiting to be solved...

I want you

Your frame causes my mind to drift to places that I seem to dwell no matter awake or in slumber...

I want you

Thoughts of our souls coupled with our physicalities meeting clandestinely, flash pass my eyes as I daydream about you constantly...

I want you

Fasted for 30 days, closed my eyes, opened them to still see your face...

I want you...in the worst kinda way.

Don't understand what draws me to you but I can't let go...At times I feel your presence breeze across my shoulders. Am I fiendish!? Can't leave you alone. When I see you I wanna talk @($& to you. Show my ass...but in the best possible way.

At times I wanna hear your thoughts, know how you feel but the unknown intrigues me. I yearn for you more. I think I gotta it bad but regardless of what it is...

I want you...

Insomniac

2010-06-10T16:49:00.000-04:00

So I'm up...and you're on my mind
Took a couple of pills...that was pointless
Hopped in the shower
Made sure it was extra warm
Even used that Lavender-Vanilla stuff...

Nothing.

Watched TV 'till my timer went off
To no avail, I'm still awake...with you on my mind

Images of you and I, some wine...red, red, wine. Fruits, music, sheets, beats, leg, arm, thigh, neck, hands, chair, bed, table...NONE of it is a blur. Clear as day.
Reaching for my phone contemplating the words I'm gon say to get you near me, I hesitate...
Because I know you're with her.

Drunk from thoughts I toss and turn, pillows in between my thighs hoping this feelings would pass
But I can't shake it.
You're my favorite drug and I'm addicted to the thing that hangs so well.
I don't lust for you...I hurt for you. My body aches for your touch, your kisses.
I lick my lips at the thought.

My heart drops when I see the face of my phone light.
It's not you...it's HIM at my door. But I don't want him. I pretend I'm asleep.
Scrolling through our last conversation, I knew this time would come. Your fix was only temporary
But me...I'm a fiend.

So I lay here restless. Ignoring the solution to my problem.
I see you in my dreams so I awaken. I try to drift again but I feel your touch...

I awaken

Attempt after attempt, I try to rest and ease the feeling but I can't.
So I lie here awake waiting for my alarm to buzz so I can start my day...hoping you'll pass me by.
Forced to slave the day on caffeine dreams, I end my day, only to succumb to a crack-like insomnia...

I'm restless...

Some Poetry

2010-06-10T16:45:00.000-04:00

Surprisingly I don't post any poetry on here. I think I have one that I posted and another that wrote for one of my girls on her blog (shout out to the MaZoo by the way - you'll know what that is in due time). Today I wanted to post two of my favorites that I wrote recently. I hope you enjoy.

Red Velvet Cake

Sweet, tasty, moist - it's my favorite. I crave it
My mouth salivates for it. Just the thought of it widens my hips and spreads my ass.

It's dark hues intoxicates my vision.
I'm cognizant of what it does but I want it anyway. It never treats me right but oh how I love it so

My lust for indulgence grows deeper with every thought
Sometimes there are walnuts, other times there are pecans. Sweet creamy frosting atop a moist crust.

It's package is beautiful, a sight to see.
Dressed so perfectly, you've never know of it's evil plan...to destroy my heart.

My heart palpitates at the thought.
Add a cup of Puerto Rican rum and I'm drunk for days. My sweet tooth ignites, I can taste it on my tongue

Mmmmm....

I want it all but for some reason...it doesn't want me back.
At least not the way I want it...

Red Velvet cake - a forbidden sin but the captor of my soul....

The Concoction

2010-06-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

I've said before that I always wonder about people's motives. Somehow I think I'm intrigued to know why folks think and do the things they do. The intent, thought process...Maybe I shoulda been a psych major. There's so much I want to share but it's just uncouth to go into such detail. Guess this is where my storytelling abilities come into play. Eh, that's still too much...I'll pose a question. Here it go...

Hypothetically speaking, let's say you have a sibling that's dating. You seem happy for them. They (your sibling) has been down and this person comes along and ignites some force of happiness....best you've seen in years. You and your sibling are close, you talk daily. There are some things he/she may share about the relationship and you offer your opinion. Some where during this time you establish a mutual association with the mate, talk every now and again, offer advice. All of you even have mutual friends and hang out. Here's the question, when things begin to dwindle down or go sour for your sibling and their mate, do you go back to the mutual friends and express your disdain about the situation (clearly kickin' the back in of the "mate"), tell the "mate" or do you stay out of it? Let's get a little deeper...IF you decide to express disdain to the mutual friend(s), do then fake like every thing is cool with you and the other person and (let's get deeper) make it seem as if the mutual friend(s) have completely torn down the character and integrity of this person?

This is not rhetorical...

As much as many of you maybe cursing the heck outta yo computer screen right now, I must admit...yes, this happened to me and YES I was bamboozled...by everyone. I don't know who in the hell to believe. I don't even trust "him" anymore. Everyone's a culprit. Am I angry, not at all. I'm more amazed at how people concoct stories with malice and then somehow have such gall to smile in your face and speak to you as if they are friend when all along they have been foe. It's just not in me to be that way. Unfortunately, some folks are just so apt to it that it's second nature. They do it without thought. The concoctions that they create are more than convincing. It seems so real, it evokes so much emotion and when they've finish doing the damage, they go skippin off into the sunshine like happy ass trolls. WTF is that!?

I say DEATH to the concocters! The five-faced backstabbing mofos that smile in your face when all the while, they're just feeding you enough rope to hang yourself....and people wonder why I have trust issues, cut people off and shut off my emotions? Look at the toxicity out here in the world. People who are habitual and pathological liars should be sentenced to an insane asylum, heavily medicated and excluded from society.
There's no reform for these people. How can you ever know if a habitual or pathological liar is telling the truth? Seriously?

At any rate....hell, I don't even know how to conclude, this ish is so befuddling, lmao! Flabbergasting even....I'm not sure what this person had to gain in all of this but I hope, somewhere that they find peace. Living life acting maliciously towards others, concocting stories just to save face, lying on others to seek favor from another....it just leads to a never ending downward spiral.

"What a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive"

I welcome your thoughts

VaughnySweet

And it begins...Summer that is....

2010-05-31T11:59:00.000-04:00

Here we are, the unofficial start of summer (it officially begins June 20th) and we are down three more A-list celebrities, Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper and now Ali Woodson. It is unfortunate but with death brings life. By the way, it's almost a year for MJ (6/25)...I'll be shedding a few tears in memory when that time comes.

There have been a lot of things brewing in the pot waiting to come out lately. Somehow that's what summer brings, all things hidden come out the closet, some for the better but a majority for not. Right now that pot is boiling and for me, a lot of "truths" may very well come out to be lies and at this point, God be with the folks who hath lied because the wrath will be immense.

On a light note, the truth coming to surface can also work in your favor. Come Wednesday I'll receive some news that may or may not change the course of my path. I have a strong feeling it is in my favor; however, it's like Top Model...you just never know.

Hope you all are enjoying your holiday weekend and if you see an officer today, salute them. Today is their day.

VaughnySweet

Something Sexy for Your Weekend

2010-05-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

So my girl Neicy Marie is an awesome singer-songwriter, among other things and a fellow blogger. Today I got the opportunity to guest post on her site, Ordinary People (her blog is listed as one of my faves...need to add that on here).

Because I want you all to read it and the various other posts she has on there, which are quite intriguing might I add, here is the link to the post. Feel free to leave comments and peek around her space as well.

Have a wonderful weekend my loves!

VaughnySweet

Reality TV - Guest On Ordinary People

On My Soapbox...

2010-05-24T22:23:00.008-04:00

Alright here I go with another rant but this one has been bothering me for awhile.

There have been a few instances, when I've distanced myself from people (for various reasons) and they've reached out to me, mainly because they either want something from me or want to be in my business and know what I'm doing; and it's all seemed insincere...planned, if you will.

I just wonder sometimes - well maybe all the time - what are people's true motives? You know you haven't spoken to me in weeks, months, years...why all of sudden you wanna know what I'm doing. You know, we haven't seen each other in weeks, months, years...are you invited me out because you're expecting a gift of some sort or you genuinely want to reconnect?

I find myself always questioning another person's motives. I realize I have serious trust issues and always feel like someone is kicking my back in. The problem is, when you constantly feel like the people you've befriended are not supportive of you, judgmental and only appear when they feel like your presence is a benefit to THEM...then you don't need them.

Too many times I've found myself backed into a corner, feeling some type of way because a message was misconstrued, some one took whatever actions I did the wrong way or personal and felt as if I wronged them in the process. In opposition, I feel like these same people feel as though I've neglected "our friendship" or because I've acquainted myself with other people and created a bond, that now I'm phony. I never understood what that meant or why folks had that way of thinking. Some may say its jealousy, other may say a lack of confidence...I've never been one to label people, unless that person shows me that this is who they are. As I've mentioned before, I've been in a state of question for quite some time, trying to figure out who is this person that folks are using these negatively posed descriptive adjectives to describe me. Some of things people claim I said, I just can't believe...I'm recalling conversation, scrolling through my phone looking up text messages and for what? To prove these sucka MCs wrong!?

Time wasted!

I'm at a point where there is so much that I need to get in order...prepared, because the time I've spent trotting through the trenches, beating the pavement and taking the "L", is soon to come to an end. It's just a matter of time. I wish I could explain the greatness that's about to take place but realistically, the people who I want to share it with, really aint worth me sharing.
All this time, I've been cheering them on, hoping they could come with me on this journey, telling God, "no, she's not that way...no, he's a good person..." when all the while, He's been showing me otherwise. I've been in denial and when you come off that denial, it's a hard pill to swallow to know that hope you had for that person was in vain. They weren't supposed to have none of that.

Now I'm just disappointed...disappointed to see people's true colors, disappointed to really understand their true motives, disappointed to realize oncest again...I'm getting the representative. I get it, everyone aint perfect, I damn sure ain't but I'm sayin'...I don't allow people in my space to control how they should be, to manipulate what I want with no regard to what they want, to use them for my personal gain or to get to know who they are and use what I don't like against them to prove a point.

I know I sound like a broken record but honestly, I really am a good person; unfortunately, I'll never understand why people feel the need to be back-handed, controlling and manipulative. They say you are who you attract but I am none of these things, so why am I attracting these people...or are they just scoping me out waiting for the kill?

Who knows but really and I mean really...I'm just so exhausted and ready for it all to go away, so that I can move on and do what I'm supposed to do...ya know, follow God's roadmap!?

I'm done for now...

Your thoughts?

VaughnySweet

Education at Its Worst!

2010-05-24T21:51:00.000-04:00

I've been holding this particular post in my head for awhile. With the disgust and disappointment I've felt lately, I haven't quite found the words to completely express how I feel. Of course you're wondering what I'm talking about...well, it's what I hold dear to my heart most - education.

I listen each day to the news with announcements that hundreds of thousands of teachers are being laid off, school budgets slashed, funding being cut, schools themselves closing. It seriously breaks my heart. We are at a crucial point in the evolution of the nation. It is important that our children are prepared properly to be the workers and leaders of this country. With adolescent crime and suicide at an all time high, the decrease in quality education for our children is setting us back light years.

What pisses me off most is when government agencies look at their budgets and start to re-organize, they always cut funding for education and the elderly. WTF!? Where is the logic in that!? Why aren't these people taking pay cuts!? Why are our children always the ones to lose out because of the negligence of adults?

Classes will now service children at a ratio of 40:1. That's 40 students to 1...ONE teacher! How are these kids gonna learn!? How can these teachers reach at least half of the students!? I'm not sure what the Obama administration is doing for education but I wish someone step up and do some serious reform. I remember the days when I was in school and it was no more than 20 of us in a class. There is lack of funding for remedial classes, arts education, summer programs, after school programs...how will these children have a cohesive learning experience? I mean damn, what the hell happened to the lottery money!?

I'm just so angry at this whole situation. My heart aches for these kids. Everyday I think about how I can help...what can I do to contribute...how can I do my part...I feel so helpless. I keep wondering if God placed something in my lap that I'm not recognizing.

What hit so close to home is that my high school, after over 40yrs of service is closing this year, and my elementary school doesn't even exist after being taken over by the state. If schools keep closing and local government keeps misappropriating the monies, what's gonna be left!?

I'm just so done....

VaughnySweet

To Perceive or Not to Perceive...That is the Question

2010-05-21T15:49:00.000-04:00

I learned a valuable lesson this month about the concept of perception. It's funny how you go about your daily walk believing how you move is great, believing you're on top of things, that you're living up to your expectations and in an instant you find that everything you believed was right is "perceived" to be wrong.

To look at this word "perception" thoroughly, I refreshed my memory of its definition. Quite interesting. I'm known to be technical with words. I love words so I take them for what they mean and do my best not to manipulate them and/or distort their meaning. This concept of perception is the thought of how people "see" things. It's not necessarily what they are, in fact, but what they are seen to be. It's tricky because everyone doesn't always agree on a view. Perspectives vary with the person. This month I learned that personal attitudes can create perceptions. Here's what I mean.

Here's a scenario: you've been friends with someone for years. There are many things this person may have done that you ignore, simply because people will always be who they are, and it doesn't phase you. It may be addressed but you keep on going. Until this one time, something is done that makes you question past conversations, actions...you start to evaluate everything, putting this person under scrutiny without them even knowing. In conversation, you tell them about how they are being "perceived". It's "perceived" that you are selfish because (insert reason here). It is perceived that you play both sides because (insert reason here), it is perceived that you are phony (insert reason here), it is perceived that you lack interest or are careless because (insert reason here). Starting to catch my drift?

The person on the receiving end is taken aback because all the while they believe things are honky-dorey when really, you've just been gathering enough rope for them to hang themselves. Sound familiar? What I believe is funky about this whole concept of perception is that people have the tendency to place you in particular situations to invoke a reaction that they "claim" is opposite of who they believe you to be or of who you've shown yourself to be consistently. Much like the "hanging rope" concept, it's a phony mask that's worn to spark some adverse behavior to prove a point. WHO DOES THAT!? I mean really, if you are friends with someone, why would you set them up to fail just so that you can prove yourself right? Don't get me wrong, I am the poster child of being a "know-it-all" but I would never do that to a person.

This brings me back to a situation with a guy I dated off and on for a couple of years. It was brought to my attention that he tried to holla (I'm gonna be colloquial here) at one of my girls while out of town. Both were there, same place, same time; however, she was not aware of my relationship to him but HE, HE knew she was my girl and although he claims on his future dying grave that they never did anything, the fact that he pursued her, exchanged numbers and spent the night in the same room, shows a "perception" that is totally different from what he claims. Of course he and I are no longer in acquaintance but I had to explain to him what that looked like. Regardless of whether he did anything or not, the fact he was made aware of the relationship between she and I, as well as, having other friends around that were aware of me and his relationship, all that did or did not happen was irrelevant because of the "perception" made.

It's a tricky thing, perception. Despite whether we care about how people view us, maintaining a neutral image, balanced character, strong ethics and integrity will always be the defense against the concept of perception.

I welcome your thoughts.

VaughnySweet

The First Should Always Mean REFRESH!

2010-05-04T14:12:00.000-04:00

It's just the beginning of May and so far we're in the midst of a heatwave and diverted terrorist attack (they captured the creep). This is starting out to be an exciting month. As we enter and soon end this time of Taurus (can't wait to get outta this freakin retrograde, it's KILLING my emotions...UGH!), this has definitely been a time of reflection and change of course. Maybe you noticed how you're doing things isn't yielding the same results as before. There's an anonymous quote that says,

"doing the same thing and getting the same results is insanity".

Are you insane in the membrane!? I hope not...

Anyhoo, I have definitely been rethinking how I've been moving lately. I've been dealing with a lot of stress on my job and my personal life and after a long conversation with my uncle, it hit me that I've been giving 100% to things and people who don't deserve less than 5%. For years, my mom, friends and other family members have been urging me to stop being worrisome, not to let things get to me and not to allow other people's idiosyncrasies, problems and/or negative energy plague and stress me. For years, I never placed it in my mind to really put a stop to it...until something happened to me last month that was an eye-opener. Too TMI for the net but when I realized all this stress was affecting my health, I took a deep breath and I let it go. Haven't really looked back since.

The harsh reality of the situation is that people will come and go, jobs, yes jobs, will do the same but the precedent you set for how you handle tough situations, how you allow people to approach you with BS
(IF you even allow it) and your ability to bounce back and learn from the experiences will follow you forever, unless you make the decision to change things for the benefit of yourself. I learned that last Thursday. My "a-ha moment" was the reconfirmation that there is a bigger picture here and no matter how much crap I have to deal with on the job or how much crap I choose to endure with so-called friends, all of it is just a test and a process to prepare me for what the real deal is in the end.

My skin is tougher and my heart is stronger, knowing that prize is not far and these minuscule nouns, pronouns, verbs and adjectives are just little stepping stones elevating and lighting my path.

I welcome your thoughts....

VaughnySweet

Start of a Rant: The Devil Made Me Do It!

2010-04-30T16:13:00.000-04:00

Do you feel like lately it seems as if people are out to destroy you? You do your best to meet the expectations…well, the unclear expectations that people provide and no matter how hard you tend to bust your ass, it’s never enough. Those people are never satisfied and because they are unsure and clueless as to what they want and they pass down that ambiguity and cluelessness to you and effect your aura with this horrible state of confusion.

To add salt to the wound, they make every effort to paint this picture as if you’re this crazy, deranged, unfocused, unorganized, belligerent, unemotional creature that wakes up every morning with the purpose to make their lives miserable; when all the while it’s the opposite….ever felt that…you know…lately?

Lapse of the Mind

2010-04-30T09:37:00.000-04:00

Is there such a thing as being stressed subconsciously? I mean I seem fine now but are there many deep-rooted issues that I haven't addressed. Lately I've been in a position of questioning my habits, behavior and actions towards people. I do a lot of self-reflection but these past couple of weeks, I've challenged myself to dig a little deeper.

Over the course of this month, people who I quickly became so close to and established tight bonds over time, soon drifted away or tore the bond in half and people whom I haven't communicated with in years have resurfaced. I'm not sure what that means but I'm figuring in due time, God will show me. Additionally, I've experienced a taste of love that seemed unimaginable to me and in an instance, I sacrificed it to complete an unfinished goal. Lastly I realized the place that I'm in financially, spiritually and physically is not enough and have been really digging deep within to discover where my lack of motivation and pro-action went and how to recover it.

Maybe this could be the cause of this subconscious stress. I have so many things ailing me without a plan of how to tackle it. There are a lot of people encouraging me but I believe I am waiting for some people to just tell me how horrible of a person I am so I can prove them wrong. I know they're itching to do it....or maybe I'm just paranoid. Facing the reality of my faults and idiosyncrasies is a hard pill to swallow but I'm ready to relax my thorax and take it (stay with me on this one, lol). Maybe I'm looking for something that's not there and this can be the enemy's way of deterring me from my goal....whatever the case may be, I can't concentrate and things that are supposed to be taking place naturally aren't.

It was brought to my attention that the key to this "lapse of the mind" is to stay on top of things. My mom and my best friend push the issue of taking vitamins since "I'm getting old" and I've been dismissing their concern but I think maybe I should really take heed to what they're saying. I've already established that I'm a "people pleaser"; this could also be playing a role in the creation of the unsubdued stress. I had a talk with my uncle yesterday and he plainly say "if you keep doing things for other people and be concerned about what other people say or do, you're always going to be sick." I like my life and I want to stay healthy and happy, in order to do that, I have to change the way I move. Plenty folks aren't going to like it but at this point in my life...WHO CARES!

I want to call this change of direction in my life a new process that I have to adjust to but at the end of the day, in order to achieve the goals that I want to achieve and be in the mental, physical and emotional space that I want and need to be in; I have to just do it!

I welcome your thoughts.

VaughnySweet

Pioneers Dying Too Soon....RIP Guru

2010-04-20T16:02:00.000-04:00

So as I am just FINALLY getting over MJ, my heart gets crushed again. It was the first tweet I saw this morning, "RIP Guru". I was so excited this morning because I got an early start after a rough day and night. I began to reflect on the direction music has gone over the last two decades. Quite frankly, I don't like it. Its essence is lost and the movement has become clandestine. The quest to bring hip-hop to mainstream has been achieved but at what cost? The quality of music has been completely watered down. Emceeing, which folks don't do anymore, used to be about skill, word play, wit and punchline; now all you need is catchy hook and a nicely sampled beat by one of the large range of "super producers" and you got a hit. Hell, I can probably make a hit record and be one hit wonder. There are folks out there still collecting royalty checks for songs that became "summer hits", I'm just saying *shrug*.

Anyhoo...I just wanted to share my thoughts on the matter. Below are three of my faves by Gangstarr/Guru. He redefined the sound of hip-hop and his wordplay is unmatched. His legacy and contribution to the movement and culture of hip-hop will reign forever, but his soul will truly be missed.

Crimes Against the Heart

2010-04-20T11:43:00.001-04:00

I'm feeling like the victim and the perpetrator at the same time. I never knew that was possible but yesterday I discovered it is. This year has been very emotional for me. Dealing with crap on my job and now with friends and those of intimate relationships. The past couple of posts gave a candid look inside the relationship that ignited so fast and burned at the same pace. I'm taking and accepting the responsibility for that. In the same instance, I've received backlash from "so-called" friends who masked their qualities of abuse and jealousy through the ideology of friendship. Was it physical? Not at all but when people consistently take advantage of you and down you for not doing what they want YOU to do, it's called emotional abuse. I've touched on this in previous posts.

Although it has not been confirmed (and probably never will be), I'm pretty much a monster right now. However, I am working to change my outlook on the situation. I want to learn from this experience. I want to be able to protect my emotions and the emotions of others if ever I'm in a situation like this again. Somehow I feel like the solution to the problem is to see the correlation between the two. How is being the victim and the perpetrator relative to one another? Being "victimized" by half arse friends and "comitting.a crime" against the soul have to be parallel. As many of you who have been following the blog know, I have quite the untamed set of emotions. They are very unstable. What I realized is that I've allowed myself to ONLY express two emotions, really happy or really depressed. If you have been following, these patterns of emotions are evident in my writing. Some of you may have even said to yourself, "damn what's going on with her now!?" It's simple, there's no balance because I never learned how. I harbored my emotions and desensitized myself, which is a horrible skill to obtain and master. As a person who advocates for communication, it seems as if I've been living a life of paradox but do I sit and sulk about it or do I rectify the situaton....I've chosen the latter.

As I am writing it seems like the correlation between being the victim and the perp is lack of communication. Expressing my concern with all parties no matter how hurtful or insensitive it may have sounded could have easily prevented this monster-like feeling I have, along with the hurt and disgust that is cloaked around it. For the person I've been a monster to, I just want to repair the situatiion and make it all go away, but I believe deep in my heart I know I am unable to change that. A person cannot heal a broken heart, it has to mend on its own and you have to be willing to let it heal. The anger and hurt lasts as long as you allow it. I allowed myself to be the "angry black woman" for three long years. About a year ago I realized all that hate and anger with myself and the opposite sex was counterproductive and unattractive. How can I allow love to come my way if I have huge cloud of hate, dismal and disdain covering me. I chose to remove it. For those who have shown their true colors, I just wanna scream, yell and tear ish up but what would that solve? It would perpetuate the image that they have painting of me and it would leave looking immature, foolish and psychotic. All I can do is see it for what it is and not repeat it.

I'm going to paraphrase this but a wise young man told me that your past can only be used against you if you don't learn from it. That resonated with me. Allowing history to repeat itself is detrimental to the growth and improvement of yourself and others...watch the news. Do I wonder what these people say about me when I'm not around to others? Of course, most of it is either false or misconstrued and I want to defend myself, my name but what's the point of playing King Arthur when Morgane le Fey is angry and out for blood? It becomes senseless and circular and I LOATHE circular discussions or arguments.

Ok, so what's the point here in my rant and rave...I'm not sure....release maybe? But what will running away solve or maybe I'm looking for an escape of emotions but that would still constitute running away, no?
Maybe he was right...maybe I am a quitter or maybe I just need to embrace the ideals of self-empowerment, self-encouragement and self-love. Ever notice how a "giver" gives so much to others that they forget about themselves and the minute that they redirect that movement, they get creamed by the ones who no longer receive?

Just a thought... I welcome yours.

VaughnySweet

Just a little of how I'm feeling right now...

Hi My Name is VaughnySweet and I'm a "People Pleaser"!

2010-04-01T15:22:00.000-04:00

So I had a little rant on twitter (if you're not following me, it's OK I wont fault you [wink] ) about a horrible habit of mine that has been plaguing me for years. I'm not sure when it started or how it has continued but I know for certain it needs to stop immediately. What am I talking about, you ask? Well here are some thoughts, ever find yourself accommodating people just to keep peace, moving money around to attend and support everyone's events - knowing damn full well you only have $200 to last you until the next pay period. Or do you find yourself mustering up the energy to go out with the guys or girls, after you've been awaken out of a dead sleep from mass text, BBM and email alerts? Sound familiar - then there's no need to ask - you already know what I'm talking about; and you are like me. You have a case of the "people pleasing" syndrome.

I hope you're not just noticing it. I've recognized this for years. Doing this to make my family happy, my friends, boyfriends...all the while I forgot about me. I even let my father think it was OK to get married on my birthday, just so I wouldn't come off as the "spoiled brat" everyone believed I was. It has been my biggest regret to date. If I knew how this whole people pleasing stuff started, I could probably help myself and others come to a solution; unfortunately, I have no clue how it starts. All I know is that somehow you get wrapped into ensuring the happiness of others is secure, while slowly putting yourself on the back burner. A lot of "friends" don't know this but I've literally put myself in a financial deficit trying to "come outside and hang", attend birthday parties, shows...trying to be the supportive person that everyone has known me to be. Honestly, if I always told them I don't have it (which actually I kinda do) I don't think they would really care and come up with some reasoning like "I don't have it either but I still go out". There's no way you can not have it and still go out. I'm just saying. You either have the means or you don't, there's no in between.

For me it even goes a bit deeper. I've accepted gifts from people, family, things I didn't want but I took it just to be grateful. To make them happy, I don't ever want to discount someone's effort or thoughtfulness in thinking of me. Somehow those same people have enough gall throw it back in my face when I am unable to do something that they want me to do. Forget the fact that I don't have the means, I just have to "find a way or make one". SB: you know I've had people use my own school motto against me!? Why do folks always wanna throw ish up in your face!? That's another topic.

I am nearing my 30's - something which I am happy about - and I realize that this is a horrible quality I've acquired and shamefully mastered over the years, as well as an old habit that I have to break....for the sake of myself. I have entered into too many crossroads where my happiness and sanity were in option to another and I chose the other person, not me. It's really shameful to say that I don't take care of myself like I should but I am quick to jump on someone else for not doing the same. It's such an oxymoronic way to live (I know that's not a word but it flows, rock with me for a min). So do I become self-centered and say EFF THE WORLD or do I just become more into self and be at peace with telling people no. I'm a sucka when it comes to dealing with backlash. I don't like it, nor do I like conflict but I guess at some point you gotta fight for something you want and what I want is for me to live life with no regrets, missed opportunities or loss of cash; and if that means disappointing a few folks, then that's how life has to be. Hell people treat and talk to me any old kinda way regardless, why can't those actions sometimes be reciprocated?

Thoughts?

VaughnySweet

Love Does Not Box You In - VS 1:1 (Part 2)

2010-03-22T21:51:00.003-04:00

It's Saturday, March 20th about 4:30pm. Not in the greatest mood since I canceled my weekend and some money I had been expecting, didn't come. A beautiful weekend on smash. So while my mom is getting her nails did, I'm in the car catching a nap and doing some faux tanning. My phone lets off one of its many ringtones and I check it to realize, it's my beau...or at least the person who I thought was my beau. This text-conversation lasted about 45mins and within that time, the man who I contemplated changing the direction of my path for, became the reasons why I ended four of the only serious relationships I ever had, wrapped up into one person. I was amazed at what I was reading. As I was responding to each message, I was reflecting on past conversations, analyzing them against what was being said and asked of me at that point. I had a small glimpse into this "future" he tried to create for "us" and that thick ass "fog of love" I was so wrapped into, cleared up immediately. I had flashback after flashback. I started remembering words that were said to me in the past and my insides screamed.

The man I contemplated giving up everything for, asked me to promise to move to a place I've never even heard of and wait for him to stabilize his immediate family, as a commitment for him waiting for me to finish school. Sounds like a fair exchange to you? Here's the punchline, I never asked him to wait. He made the decision on his own to make that commitment to me. I never even presented it as an option. I couldn't believe what I was reading. My immediate reaction was HELL NO...but I refrained and continued the discussion and by doing so, I saw words that I hadn't seen in years. Familiar moments resurfaced, it was happening to me again. Isolation, emotional control and dependency, all masked around the ideology of love. I didn't want to believe this was taking place but the more the conversation ensued, the more it all sounded WAY too familiar. I thought to myself, if a person really loves you, how could they box you in like that.? I felt trapped in a corner, like this was all or nothing, which is a continuous pattern I noticed with him. Why would I be asked to make such a commitment, a commitment to end my life before it begins, in exchange for putting things on pause for 15months, at best? Folks, I only have three semesters of school left. I'm half-way through. Who knows how long it's gonna take him to get his folks on track? It damn sure won't be 15 months! A key portion to this is the age difference. It never bothered me before but it's now shown its significance. I'm 28 about to be 29 and he's 39 about to be 40. Age aint nothing but a number but when you ask someone to move away from their own family, to commit to you and start a new life around yours (who they've never met)!? It becomes more than "just a number", becomes the difference in life experiences.

I found this request paradoxical, as he's always said to me that I haven't lived. So if I were to make this commitment, when would I live? There would be no "I", just he and me. In essence, I would end "my life" before it even began. I'd pigeonhole myself into a commitment without even considering the possibilities of my own future. I have ideas for businesses sitting on my laptop, waiting to see the light of day and sure, I could do that while with him but it wouldn't be "mine", it would be "ours". I'm not ready for ours. I haven't even really lived on my own yet.

Folks, if you don't pay attention to anything else I say, please remember this, love doesn't box you in and it's not forced. If it is meant for you to be with someone, nothing will stop it from taking place but it will always occur at the right space, time and natural flow. When you rearrange time and space for selfish reasons, it never works out in the end and causes more damage than not. Free will is the greatest gift God has given us, if we as humans try and alter such a gift, the consequences and repercussions can be immensely immeasurable.

When his question was posed to me, I already knew the answer; however, I took the time to think because I needed that time to really step out of this fog I was in and recollect all the many conversations we had, thoughts placed in my head, questions I asked but didn't pursue. I saw many signs and ignored it to enjoy the happy feeling I was getting. Do I regret anything? Not in the least. I'm not even mad at the man. He did what thought was right in guaranteeing his happiness. I can't blame him for it but when we think so much about what makes us happy without considering how it affects others, we force them into a situation they may not want. I had believed I did this with him when I didn't end the relationship early on, but what I realized is he actually pursued me and made it easy for me to indulge in what he had to offer. He saw my needs and provided the avenue for them to be met. Sounds like a predator? That's not my judgment call.

Is it meant for he and I to be? Probably not anymore. He killed the possibility by trying to force nature, instead of letting it take its course. There are penalties for that and I believe it wholeheartedly. I had a vision of us meeting up together and seeing where this wave of strong passion and connection went...it's gone now. I'm definitely disappointed but all I can do is be grateful for the lesson learned and proud of myself for coming to the conclusion of it all on my own. No one influenced me in this choice, my inner being stood up in response to the overflow and made her stance. She reinstated the fact she is still in control, no matter how emotionally caught up, mentally confused and spiritually blocked she may be at times. She still has the final say.

I am anxious to reveal my final answer but afraid of the outcome once it is spewed into the universe. Real emotions are involved, it's truly a delicate situation but in the end if I don't stand my ground and stake my claim as the leader of my life, I'll continuously fall prey to situations like these and soon be stuck in a situation that I may not be able to remove myself from. I'm not one to find contentment in breaking a heart, I've been on the receiving end one time too many; however, if I don't secure my best interest, who else will? Although he may feel like he did, in actuality, this was never about me, it was always about him.

As always your thoughts are welcome...

VaughnySweet

Loves Does Not Hurt...Love is Not Selfish - 1Cor 13:1-13

2010-03-22T21:36:00.003-04:00

For the last three months, I've been in this emotional fog called "love". It was definitely a trying time for me. I hit a crossroad where I had to make a choice to sacrifice the desires of my heart or take a risk on love. Literally, this was my choice...I chose the sacrifice. For the first couple of days it killed me. I felt like I was convincing myself that this was the right choice. I was disappointed in myself for involving someone in my space, getting attached and then breaking it off. It seemed so selfish...at least from what I thought, until this past Saturday.

God and your guardian angels have mysterious ways of answering your prayers. As the time became more serious with me and this man I fell so deeply for, my family became more strong in their opinion. I didn't understand it at the time because he treated me so well and I was so happy. I didn't understand why they didn't want me to be happy, or at least that's how I felt. I felt as if they were being judgmental, over protected and over-critical. At times I felt as if they didn't respect me as an adult. The man I had been dating, would reinforce these things in our conversations. Opinions from both sides cause this inundate of information and emotion that slowly began to chip at my wall of strength and break me down completely. The stress of it began to affect my health. Keep in mind, this happened in two months, half way into the third month is when I made my choice.

The critical point in this experience happened within the last two weeks. I had stop speaking about my relationship with my family to refrain from dealing with backlash. However one family member made it her business to reinforce the consensus of the group. My father even got involved (which is rare in itself). Through it all, I couldn't see what everyone else saw, I didn't feel what everyone else felt. I sought the opinions of close friends. My friends became this man's cheering section. Urging me to give love a chance and I wanted to but the decision to change the direction of my path plagued me. What's love got to do with it you ask? A GREAT deal. My goal for the next 15 months, is to finish my Masters. No distractions. It is unfortunate to say, for me, a relationship is a distraction. I LOVE men! I enjoy the perspective they bring, the affection they provide, their touch, kisses, hugs, their scent (when they wash of course), their strength, the physicalities of it all. Can you say SWV weak in the knees? Somehow it always happens to me. I lose focus and divert the attention from myself to them. The nurturing qualities I possess are my gift and curse. I don't think I've even nurtured myself, and therein lies the problem. So to guarantee I finish on top and remain mentally and emotionally ready for any opportunities that arise, I gave my word to refrain from being involved (physically and emotionally). A huge sacrifice to make with the hope that it is all worth it in the end with no regrets....until he came.

So back to my pivotal point. This man and I created a special day for us share. For this was the beginning of a tradition, sort of like an anniversary date. The week of, I expressed some concerns. An inopportune time, but I still kept receiving the reinforcement from the one family member. At this point, I am at my lowest because the moment of decision is approaching. He and I engaged in an emotional conversation and in the end I had believed things were unrepairable. Finally, after a heated conversation with the one family member, as a last stitch effort on her part, I made the decision to walk away...just until I finished school. This was last Tuesday, which brings me to the beginning of this post that I'll finish in a part 2.

Love Lost? Strong Possibilty

2010-03-15T22:07:00.004-04:00

Why does it seem like the best things you write are always when you're at the brink of insanity?

Well, it may not be mental insanity but it's definitely borderline emotional insanity. I'm at a war with my feelings, with my heart and yeah...I guess with my mind too. So since nobody wins a war, it's unfortunate that there will be casualties. In a war of emotions there are ALWAYS casualties...even self-mutilation...alright, alright, it's a bit much but how often do you become a casualty of your own personal war. More times than not.

Just for once, I want to be right about what I feel, instead of a fool when the smoke clears. I mean, continuously making the same mistakes and not breaking the pattern definitely means something. Does it mean I haven't matured, learned, paid attention? What happened to being cognizant? Guess that falls out the window too when patterns become constant. Can being an eff-up be habitual? Like a habitual liar but a habitual eff-up?

You've got to be asking yourself, "is she ok?" and honestly...I'm not. I'm not ok. I won't front like I do and smile on the outside while my insides are screaming bloody murder. Ever find that you cry yourself to sleep every other night or just sit in silence and feel tears dripping from your eyes? <--- These questions are completely rhetorical.

How else can someone feel knowing that they made have messed up the one bit of happiness that they could hold onto. The one thing that gave them piece of mind, security....I can feel it now. It may never be the same again. Seems like this always happens to me; every time I get close to someone, somehow, they go away...the ending is always horrible.

I wondered how my life would be on either side...if I took the risk or played it safe. I made a decision to take the risk and in the midst of taking that risk, I got scared back into my safe corner and now I'm at the place where I promised I wouldn't be...regret. My weak ass emotions an inability to make myself happy seems to continuously place me in these situations. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Makes me wonder if I'll ever get to experience real love. I truly believe I had it, right in my grasp but I got scared of the consequence (if any) to take the risk and I let it slip away....it'll never be the same again.

So that leaves me to where I am now....emotional insanity or at least at the brink of it. I need finalization. Is my love gone forever or do I experience the outcome of my risk? Whatever the end result is, someone isn't going to be happy...I just wonder, am I she?

Your thoughts are welcome

VaughnySweet

Love

2010-02-24T16:13:00.004-05:00

I titled this "Love" because I have no idea what else it should be. I hope my thoughts aren't jumbled.

How do you love without hating yourself in the end? Why is it hard to give all of yourself without regret or possible disappointment? It's safe to say that I met someone, a person whom I connected with instantly. I've only had two occurrences of that happening, he is now the third. As much as I have doubts and keep my guard up, I want to indulge and embrace everything he has to offer because no one has ever given it to me before. I am so scared about this whole thing. The last relationship I had moved pretty fast and well, obviously it didn't last but I don't want to make the same mistakes twice and I feel like I am.

The difficult part in this is making sure everyone is happy...family, the man; however, I haven't thought once about making myself happy. Really deciphering how I feel, my thoughts on this whole situation. I don't know how to be, happy or cautious. I was told to have a clear head when entering a relationship but I'm not sure if I have done so....I never realized how much I have disclosed but I shared something that is most scared to my heart and now I'm wondering if I've shot myself in the foot. Well this is usually the part where I beat myself up and ask myself how stupid can I be but I've been trying to change that about myself, still and all, I can't help but wonder "how stupid can I be???"

I haven't been this happy with someone in so long....I try to recap previous affairs and I can say that this person has definitely shown me a side of a man that I haven't seen...it's beautiful. He's also quite older than me....I never once thought that he might be trying to control me or preying on me because I'm a bit younger....until it was brought to my attention. Now I'm starting to feel like a fool, going back to the "how stupid can I be" campaign.

How can a person love without the "obligation" of recognizing the "red flags"? I mean, I'm an advocate for watching the signs, in the same instance, I'm also a victim to my own advice. BUT....if you are always searching for the negatives, how can you enjoy the positives? Seems like this love crap is filled with a bunch of double negatives. Ahhh, a thought! My new found "beau" shared with me this Bible verse from the book of Corinthians.. It gives a definition of love and how to recognize what it is....but let me play devil's advocate here....eh, never mind....I realized in mid-thought that I'm about to answer my own question.

All I know is that this conflict of emotions is driving me nuts. I just want to enjoy life and be happy without all the extra artificial flavors and preservatives. Just pure, unadulterated happiness. If HE is the one who can give that to me, why is it so wrong for me to embrace what it is, not be bitter if it doesn't work out and be happy for all the wonderful memories we created? This is a battle I struggle with daily. That man loves me and men like don't come around often but sometimes, I feel like this ish is so much that I wanna call it quits and disappear; however, it would behoove me to end something that brings me joy so abruptly. Who's to say I can recapture and relive these moments again? Who's to say the next man will fill his shoes or even go above and beyond? No one really....so why is it so hard for me to let go?

A penny for your thoughts.

VaughnySweet.

Happy New Year! Yeah I know I'm late...

2010-02-24T15:49:00.003-05:00

OMG!!!! How late could I be with my Happy New Year message...we're practically almost into March already. What is this, day 64 into the New Year? My apologies folks. I haven't been neglecting you but there is SOOO much that has taken place since the dawn of this new decade. Early lessons learned and more discoveries to be made.

My mom said to me yesterday that this year is the year of "movement" and I believe that. I sit back and watch people I started with on this job just disappear within the blink of an eye. So far at least 6 people I know have either moved into another department or left the company completely. That immediately sparked a fire in me to get it cracking. I am happy to say that process is moving faster than I expected :)

This year - at least for me - is going to be a year of removing the wool from my eyes. I've been in such denial about so many things in my life and over the course of two months, I've come to grips with many of these issues. This is a good thing. It means that I am progressing and as you know, I am an advocate of progression.

One of my biggest revelations this year, surprisingly, happened on the job. I realized that when jealousy reigns supreme in the workplace, no matter what the cost, you will get thrown under the bus to the benefit of another. Not only was I thrown under the bus and ran over multiple times, I was typecast and placed in a box that represented nothing of who I am.

Here is something to remember, when folks are intimidated by your intelligence, they will DIE doing EVERYTHING to break you down, claw at your confidence and solidify that your brain - the very piece of existence that harvests all the ideas and thoughts that make you unique and special - is nothing but a piece of gum at the bottom of their shoe that they rub their heels against, pick off their shoe and throw away like the crap they believe it is....my advice - Dumb down your intellect for NO ONE!

This year is the year of the underdog...look at the Superbowl. This is also the year that God's children begin to prevail (I know many of you many not believe but for those of you who do...). This is our year folks.

At the moment I began to be despondent, I remembered that this was my year. I will prevail and you will too, as long as you believe it is for you to do so.

Welcome to the 2010 decade folks...I'll be looking around to slap a 5 with ya soon :)

VaughnySweet.

Saying Goodbye to 2009

2009-12-31T19:39:00.003-05:00

Ahhh...here it is folks, another year past. For me, this year has been a complete whirlwind but also a complete 360. Around this time last year I prayed to God (yes I do that) that I'd have a permanent job...He answered my prayer. He answered a lot of the prayers I'd been praying for years. They said 9 is the number of completion, there were a lot of holes that were closed and I am grateful for that.

This year a lot of people were removed from my life. A lot of "pending" relationships were finalized. Some for the best and the vast majority for the worst. Trust and believe, I am not sad about it at all. This year I also discovered the phenomenon called Twitter. It has definitely been life-changing for me, as hard as that maybe for some. I've met SO many people and made so many connections. I was even able to secure my first freelancing job <--- this was one of my prayers that was answered.

Throughout all the tragedy we've experienced - the loss of great entertainers - this year managed not to be as bad as I thought it would be. For many of us wading in the trenches, this year was the beginning of us walking into the light. As the year winds down, we are rapidly approaching the end of the tunnel. 2010 will signify that we have come through to the light and trust and believe me babies....this road is about to get REAL smooth, I feel it and this year has taught me that my feelings are nothing to ignore.

I am so happy for all of us. My vision is getting clearly and my attitude is the best it has been in years. I want to wish you all a safe and Happy New Year. Be blessed everyone and as my first year blogging with you all approaches, I look forward to more Thoughts & Discussion....

Of course you know....your thoughts, as always, are welcome

VaughnySweet

Love at First Sight or a Figment of Your Imagination...

2009-12-23T23:22:00.004-05:00

Ok, so this maybe another one of my rambling moments...I just capped off my bottle of Moscato (excellent wine by the way) and I have SO many thoughts in my head. Hopefully, this rambling that I'm about to engage in will make sense by the end of the post.

The topic for today: Men. No surprise of course but I just can't help but reflect on these past couple of weeks. I've become acquainted with some interesting (in a good way) men and somehow witnessed the resurfacing of others. Quite frankly, the ones that have resurfaced need to go away but oddly enough, people always reappear for a reason.

Anyhoo, my focus is on the interesting men that I've met recently.

I must say it is refreshing to associate yourself with accomplished, intellectual, good-looking men. It's so inspiring to see how they are in their environment....very inspiring. Unfortunately, it just wouldn't be me if I didn't have a crush on at least one but what can I say, I'm a sucker for an accomplished man. Not because I want to interupt his space, take him for what he has, it is because his spirit, his motivation, his stability, it motivates me...encourages me....makes me want to be a part of it, supoort it...hey, it's who I am.

I guess the three glasses of Moscato I had, has me feeling like I'm at crossroad...weird. Of the men I met, I'm crushing (yes, an adult crush) on two. Neither of them know...well unless they read my blog and assume it's them, lol...but I guess I'm feeling like I need to determine what category I'm going to place them in before we really start to open up around one another. Both have the potential to be friends for life; however, it's up to me to prevent my flirtatious nature from damaging what could potentially be a connection for a lifetime...So I guess it is a crossroad.

Here's my question for the ladies: when networking with men, in particular, why do we place them in the "potential" category, knowing darn full well that is NOT the reason why we met them in the first place? Or maybe I'm the only who has that problem....lol.

Men: when meeting a woman, do you automatically think of ways of how you can "get those draws", lol or do you actually meet women with the intention of establishing a non-romantic relationship?

I just feel like this whole dynamic between men and women becomes more interesting the older I get. It's not a complicated dynamic, yet both men and women somehow make the situation so unbearable. I have to laugh at it sometimes.

Anyhoo, I'm done with my Moscato-like rambling. I've been editing and writing at the same time, so it actually seems as if what I wrote makes sense but hey, you be the judge.

Is it wrong to meet someone and imagine your life with them for the next five years? I can't be the only one who has these moments....can I?

Your thoughts, as always, are welcome...

Vaughny Sweet

A New Journey

2009-12-20T21:52:00.005-05:00

So I've finally started a new venture. I've been working to become a freelance writer for some time now and I finally got my break.

I'll be managing another blog (yes another blog) for an organization called The School Bridge League. School Bridge is an organization that incorporates the game of Bridge, with the elements of philanthropy. These concepts enable students to strengthen their critical thinking skills, sharpen their math skills and learn network skills at an early age. School Bridge is a subsidiary of THE LEAGUE which is a national organization that incorporates the Core Curriculum Standards within state schools and a web-based application, that teaches children the value of community service and rewards them for their efforts.

I have definitely begun to challenge myself in working towards becoming a businesswoman free of the 9-to-5 standards. It is a journey that I am ready to learn from. I will be linking posts from the School Bridge blog to here (as soon as I figure that out). It is important that I not just gain traffic to the site but I encourage a dialogue about education and the different elements that can be used to increase the strategies that will teach these babies. I hope you all will tune in and as always, you're thoughts are welcome.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Vaughny Sweet.

To learn more about The School Bridge League, check out: www.schoolbridgeleague.org

To learn more about THE LEAGUE, check out: www.theleague.org

To read about News from The School Bridge League, check out:
http://theschoolbridgeleagueblog.wordpress.com

Yep, I'm Saying It....Adults are SELFISH!

2009-12-16T16:14:00.006-05:00

I'm gonna rant for a bit. Hopefully my writing and ranting will help me pop out marketing messages for a few more pieces of copy I need to complete. Today my angle is gonna be totally different.

I'm in the tri-state are in the Northeast, which includes NY-NJ-CT. I'm a Jersey girl that works in NY. This very day that I'm posting, there are a group of people who are finalizing a budget cut for the City. These cuts include the dissolution of certain bus routes and subway lines [one of which effects my morning commute], as well as healthcare and education cuts.

Bump the transportation cuts and let's revisit healthcare another time. My rant today is about education. I am a HUGE advocate for education, particularly among communities that are deemed disenfranchised. I am a product of this community. It hurts my heart to consistently see children suffering from the demise of the adults who only think of themselves. Ok so I am, gonna touch on transportation for a bit. Among these bus route and rail line cuts, the MTA (Metro Transportation Association) is discontinuing free rail passes for students - school age students - most of whom are in elementary and secondary schools. These children more than likely come from homes where the income is less than 50k. Living in NYC, that's nothing...you might be barely paying your rent. The average household among these children includes a minimum of two dependents and with schools being a minimum 5 miles away, in addition to the subway/bus fare being $2.00 (one way trip), it poses a problem for students. Already some of them are using this as a reason not to attend school.

It angers me to see kids suffer unnecessarily. When thinking about making cuts, no one thought aout their high ass salary!? How do you get paid over 70k to manage the transportation system of an island that house over 5 million people, with at least one-half them using the metro system (not including out-of-state commuters such as myself) and you have no money!? Dare I say misappropriation of funds???

Furthermore, how are you the head of one of the most visited cities in this country and have no money!? I believe there is more to this that meets the eyes. Then finally, to save money you cut educational programs? I really believe the decision-makers who oversee this country honestly want our kids to be dumb. Let's just call a spade, a spade. If there is any other country that cuts educational funding to "save their city"let me know? This ish is asinine!

5 years ago I had an idea of children having their own organization. The idea was centered around an after school program, teaching and encouraging the arts and literacy. Programs and activities that no longer exist in schools because they don't generate revenue. I thought education was supposed to be "all-inclusive"? Have you seen the latest college application? With all the questions they ask you about community service and extra-curricular activities, I wonder if they realize the very things that ask a student to possess is no longer available for them to reach out and grasp. Anyhoo, the premise of the organization was to decrease the rate of violence among adolescent youth. I haven't had the time or money to really go hard and get it moving but the more I see what the "adults" are doing to destroy the education of these children, the more I realize the organization is desperately needed now, more than ever. I may even change the direction of the organization to reflect the need to promote education.

IF you're curious and what to know I'm talking about, check out this site Say Hi!. It'll be active until January 30th, 2010. Look for YSAAV.

My concern will always be about the future of these kids. I believe in my quest to become successful, it is my duty upon this journey, to help and aid children indirectly so that when the time comes and I have the power to make mountains move, folks will already know what the deal...

If there are any of you out there reading that have your own concerns about education and how it's affecting our kids, please share your thoughts. I would love to engage in some health dialogue.

Very soon,

Vaughny Sweet

This "Season" Stuff is So Overrated!

2009-12-13T13:15:00.006-05:00

I'm actually laughing to myself because I keep hearing my mom singing A Charlie Brown Christmas, "Christmas time is here..." She cracks me up. I bought her that DVD two Christmases ago. SB: We say Christmas in the plural tense but is that really correct? Anyhoo, she hasn't hooked up the DVD player yet, but she makes sure she's in front of the TV around Christmas time to watch it.

So they say "tis the season" but every time I get close to a mall or drive down the nearest highway, I don't feel any Holiday cheer. Black Friday is really becoming a dark day. Families are elbowing, stomping and using their cars as battering rams, in order to get the latest sales or the last "Dora the Explorer" doll. My mom and I spoke about it a couple of weeks ago. Neither of us remember this time of year being so brutal.

What is supposed to be a happy and festive time is full of rage, selfishness and stank arse attitudes. My nana told me the other day how this lady ran into two cars, all in the name of a parking space. Who does that!? She saw that same lady in Lord & Taylor raising all kinds of sin with the sales associates. It makes you shake your head. But look at what we celebrate: Thanksgiving - when the Pilgrims broke bread with the Indians, right before they stole their land. Just in case you didn't know this land is now called "America" and Christmas - the birthday celebration of a man, who could be called a celestial being, that walked the Earth and died for the sake of the Hebrew faith. This ideology was soon blended with the Christian and Catholic faiths. By the way, not only was Jesus a Jew, he was of dark complexion (we can argue about this all day), born in a Gentile city, during the Fall. Why we celebrate his birth in one of coldest months of the year? Only HE knows. And this Saint Nicholas cat, he was a Roman Catholic priest in a small town (very poor) who would go around giving gifts to children who were good and lumps of coal to those who were bad. He was about 6'2, slim with a long white beard and wore red vestments. How he became this fat jolly-looking caucasian man, in this fluffy arse red suit living in the North Pole with some elves!? Only Jesus knows, smh.

How do I know all this stuff? I went to Catholic school during my elementary and secondary academic years. The things you learn, the things you retain...

Do you find yourselve more apt to "give back" all of a sudden? A few folks posted statuses on Facebook asking about different volunteer opportunities during the holidays. I gave suggestions, no one responded. I guess volunteering is selective and not collective. I often wonder what pulls at everyone's heart strings, makes them feel empathetic for the last six weeks of the year. Seems so superficial. What about when the holiday season is over? Does it have to be a holiday for you to want to give back or do you make it your business to make your presence known at any given time?

"Tis the season"! Yeah ok, only when it's damn near freezing. What about Spring and Summer? Too busy being cute and fly? Folks need love during the heat too, don't you think? This past week, I helped raise over 11k for children and adults with cerebral palsy. This was my 3rd year doing this event. Our momentum is so high from this achievement, we will more than likely continue to do events quarterly. For us, there is no specific season, we are all-year round.

My question to you, yes you who is reading this is...are you a "seasonal" giver or is your heart residual?

I welcome your thoughts.

VaughnySweet

Who Are You Underneath?

2009-12-09T13:50:00.003-05:00

So today's post is from a guest writer named Gigi. I am excited and honored to have her work displayed. She is one of those "silent bombs". I've included a song by the ever-so talented Eric Roberson (no I'm not getting paid for the plug). It's titled "Pretty Girl" and it seemed so fitting for the post. Although this post applies to both men and women, the words of the song resonate.

I hope you enjoy the post and as always, your thoughts are welcome :)

Are you really what we see or is it a cover to hide the imperfections of your character? If we look back on Adam & Eve, they were naked to the world – being who they were – never once shying away from the outer silhouettes and unknowing to any impure feelings, until they walked into the Garden of Eden and found the temptation that changed the course of our existence. To cover up those ill feelings and recognizing our nakedness to be unlawful and shameful, we use clothing to hide the true essence of our character. But, who are you underneath? People hide their real true character in every area of life, no matter who you are; people tend to hide the real McCoy. Why? Because in some ways people don’t like what they see; so lying becomes a cover or vice; manipulation becomes very cold and calculating; and dishonesty becomes the excuse to the many reasons why people choose to cover who they really are.

Can people truly be honest and trustworthy with some real honest to goodness integrity? Even those who go out of their way to help others are we really seeing the person underneath or is it just a representative? God created us in his own image and although Jesus died to save our sins and to give us eternal life, we are still imperfect; and God continues to forgive us for those imperfections. But can we as human beings find the same forgiveness or do we try to uncover those imperfections to exploit and make a spectacle out of those who slip and uncover what’s underneath?

Do you lie, cheat, steal in your own way just to get what you want? Not necessarily illegal thievery, but in other ways to hide a mastermind of thoughts in order to “Get Over? Does it make anyone a bad person even though they do good not for the sake of others but because of self? Good question. Why is it that people hide this person underneath; maybe for fear of rejection, disgust and ridicule? And…why does this become an after thought once the covers are removed and now consequences are front and center behind every action?

My thing is, don’t think later after the real McCoy shows up because in all truth, that is who you really are and wanted us to see in the first place...that person underneath.

Gigi

21 Questions - My Way

2009-11-30T23:16:00.002-05:00

I have a few poems that I've wanted to share...let me know your thoughts on this.

Had you on my mind.

Wondering how your day is going, the errands you seem to run day in and day out.

Contemplating on purpose, I came across some thoughts that I wanted to share. 21 Questions, seems so cliché now but how different might it be if I do it my way. Ask you questions like, are you really interest in me or do you just say yes because I ask and you're tired of answering?

Or something like, you and I both know I'm pudgy but why do your eyes bulge into the next room when you see Beyonce'? Or maybe, can I trust you like my spades partner? I got four spades, three aces and both jokers, can you play your hand or are you liable to renege on me?

Are you something like a nutrition label? Tell me it's all-good, then when I taste you, the weight of emotional distress, spiritual breakdown and heartache spread my hips and widen my ass.

Love me in the dark; hate me in the light, why does it seem like you share your emotions with me when it's convenient but when I call you on it, you act like it's a figment of your imagination? But you get mad when I blow your mind night after night, then act like I don't know you.

Do you respond with aggression because you can't figure me out or is that how you treat women? Hype me up about these rose scented sheets, visions of caramel flavoured pecans wrestling among mounds of Egyptian cotton but how come when it's time to live the visual, you're never around?

Am I your "loose end" got me hangin on string now? Can you just be my B-U-D-D-Y or are you so caught up in the game, that you just have to play me on the "sly"?

So if I blew up tomorrow, would you still treat me the same or would you sweat my ass like black folks in the

sun?

Distant to me when you think I'm available; sweat me when I'm occupied. Are you wishy-washy with all your females or is it just with me? You desire the taste of my lips and the nectars of my fruits but when it's time to put in work, you act like it's too much. Since when did it become all about you? Do you expect my sweetness for free? Is that how much you think of me? How is she priceless and not me?

Can you hold me down when times are rough or will you leave hangin when I need you most…like now?

Don't be standoffish, just spittin' some things on my mind. Thought I ask before I got too deep.

So can you handle me?

Random Thoughts....Part II I think?

2009-11-30T22:32:00.005-05:00

I've been wrecking my brain trying to pop out three posts before the end of the month. Attempting to challenge myself as a writer and a blogger but I keep coming up short. I never wanted this place to be a series of diary entries about the trials and tribulations of my life but unfortunately, this post will serve as my release today. I apologize in advance for any rambling that may take place, unfocused thoughts or just the overall sappiness of the entire situation. Alright...here I go.

I've been SO overwhelmed lately and I just realized it today. Working a 9-to-5, trying to brand myself as a writer, revamp business plans, restructure my website, earn some extra income and manage a magazine staff of all dudes one other chica besides me. Oh yeah, judging high school forensics tournaments and volunteering. Now that I'm looking at it in black and white, I had to be crazy as hell taking on all these ventures but I guess it wouldn't be me if I wasn't this...so...ambitious.

At the end of the day, all I want is this magazine to take off, solidify myself as an all-inclusive writer and really live out my dream as an entrepreneur. At times I feel like I should quit my job because I feel like it takes up so much of my time but I can't because that is my main source of income. In all this "getting my life" in order, I realized I forgot who I am. I was looking at my wardrobe and it hit me...weight gain over the years coupled with unstable employment has made me soooo not sexy. I lost my edge, my spunk...haven't had a mani or a pedi in months. Can't really afford to indulge either...so I'm left with trying to make due with what I have. Although I started this "positive attitude" mantra (which is working for me by the way) I can't escape the fact that ShaVaughn is dormant. Right now, "Shavonne" (clearly that's not how I spell my name) has taken over and has been here for awhile. I've gotten to know her well. Noticed that she comes around when ShaVaughn has to go away for awhile and rejuvenate herself. Although "Vaughny" is ready, "Vonne" is not finished getting things in order. Dealing with these parts of me has become taxing.

Just like everyone, I get frustrated, depressed, sad, angry, emotional....truth be told, I hate being that way. I just want to be one emotion, not all. Be leveled, not discombobulated, but alas...I am the latter and although I feel like the bumpy road is about to smooth out, the aniexty of it all is wearing me down. I'm waiting for the potholes to be done and my smooth pavement to come along. It's so close I can almost see it in front of me. I just wish the vision were clearer.

So in my quest to piece myself back together, I am doing my best to get focused, stay encouraged, learn when to say no and embark on opportunities that may lead to only God knows. I hope to find a mentor or someone who can relate to my situation and offer some advice. I can definitely use it...in the meantime, I welcome yours. Hope this wasn't so painful...

Until next time,

Vaughny Sweet

Words of a Feather Flock Together: Part II - Oxymoronic Colloquy

2009-11-05T17:05:00.003-05:00

I'm wondering...who created this precedent for "labels" in the first place? Dictionary.com (cool site by the way) defines a label as: (noun) "a slip of paper, cloth or other material...a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group intellectual movement, etc...a word or phrase indicating that what follows belongs to a particular category or classification...(verb) to affix or mark with a label...to designate or describe by...to put in a certain class; classify". Based on these definitions, is it safe to say that we are using labels for the wrong purpose?

Such oxymoronic terms as "frienemies", "bromance", "open relationship", "reverse racism" (<-- what is that really?) seem to take away the purpose for which the word label was created. By using these terms in association with a particular situation, what are we classifying these people as? What categories are we placing them in or creating? Is there even a category or a class in the first place? I made this statement in Part I of the series:

we use things so loosely these days; there is a loophole for everything. it's like the world is one big law book of over and under analyzed figuratives that can be spun at any moment.

My question is: who in the hell creates these words!? Is there a group of folks, having continental breakfast or mid-day lunch just sitting around talking about typical scenarios in the lives of the others, and brainstorming about what to call it!? I've probably fallen victim to this as well, but why must we feel the need to put a label on EVERYTHING!? Some things just don't need a category. It is what it is. Even this new craze about blending together the names of couples, i.e. "Brangelina". What is that!? Better yet, who does that!?

The oxymoronic way of society has confused the hell out of the purpose of words, the use of labels. Again, what are we really classifying here? I wonder if a "stay-at-home" dad really likes to be called "Mr. Mom" or if two guys who have a close friendship, want it to be called a "bromance". Honestly, if two dudes are a couple, then that's what it is. Eff this "bromance" crap, you're either friends or lovers, pick one! There's no in between.

I ask once more, what's in a word? They're use so loosely these days. Negatives mean positives, positives means negatives. I wouldn't go as far as to call it as paradigm shift but there is definitely a flip-flop in how we use terminology. The colloquialisms of our repeated culture, have dumbed us down. Children use so much slang that their writing includes, "lol's", "idk's", "whatever's" (not in the correct context), and "that's hot". They don't know the wonderful usage of synonyms, antonyms; the stories behind homonyms, homophones and onomatopoeia.

This age of the "microwave fix" that we're in begs the question of our true intelligence and resilience. Two words that many of us, young and old, have lost sight of. We've adopted so much of other countries' languages, that in our own quest to indirectly establish a sensible mores of our own, that we simply just don't make sense.

Ah, words of a feather flock together but damn, we just keep picking the poor feather off. Afterwhile, our language will be bald and then what, we're left with a Mr. Mom, who has a bromance with an open relationship, who's frienemies with Brangelina; all because of reverse racism. Just horrible! We've got to do better.

As always your thoughts are welcome.

Until next time
Vaughny Sweet

Words of a Feather Flock Together - Part 1

2009-10-25T20:04:00.003-04:00

So what's in a word? The implications of meanings are seemingly infinite. As much as I love words, I can abhor them all at the same time. These Arabic letters that are formed to create symbols of meaning can be used to uplift, encourage, compliment, connect, express an emotion, hurt and destroy.

Words speak to the spirit...ant spirit; this includes the sender and the receiver. Lately I've noticed that communication in the verbal sense, has taken a turn in a different direction. The shift in the very way we communicate has changed drastically. Words, objects used to convey a message are more than often becoming misconstrued. Situational circumstances are heavily affecting word usage. What could these very circumstances be? Emotions more than often, people drunk off of their emotions and speak with a clouded mind, rather than a clear mind. For me personally, this has posed a problem, as I have been on the giving and receiving end as well. Not cute.

I listen objectively as my friends and acquaintances share with me the very instance why friendships have been silenced and intimate relationships severed. I often wonder how these people feel after the smoke clears. I know how I felt, it wasn't a good feeling.

So what's in a meaning? The implications of words what they symbolize can be fascinating, complication or both. My experience lately has been quite complicated. Although my words seem clear on my end, the meaning or intention behind the words has been misinterpreted countless times. I always refer back to the fact that I have a degree in Communication (Speech Communication) which of course means I should have a command or grasp of how to communicate verbally right? Well, half of that is the case. If you need a public speaker, host, facilitator or the like...I'm your girl! Need a debater, panelist, judge or a focus group participant, choose me! If you wanna talk about an issue that's caused us to no longer speak, we might have a problem. I believe I addressed this before but not in great detail. There are two reasons (1) I hate conflict. Confronting me about something is different, letting it fester to where there is tension and then talking about it...problem. Why? Too much thought has gone into the situation. Opinions have been formed, sides taken, there are no objectives. Conflict between two people often times leads to no resolution because either party has already made up their mind n how the situation began and ended. There’s no room for an open mind. I don’t do well with “stubborn conversation”; it frustrates me; especially when it becomes manipulative, vindictive and one-sided. With every “conflict-based” argument or discussion I’ve had with someone, that person either diverts the accountability from them or pushes the fact that their reasons or perspective should be looked to and not both. Again, this frustrates me. Arguments that like that go two ways with me (1) unproductive or circular or (2) overly confrontational and/or violent. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced both.

Reason numeros dos – my wording and tone is ALWAYS misinterpreted. At first I started thinking it was me. I find myself mentally editing or physically editing my words before I use them. I’m an emotional writer and speaker. There is always passion behind what I say and write, but what I’ve noticed is that the tone behind the words are misread. I can say something jokingly and it’s taken as an insult, or something that is meant to express aggravation, frustration or confusion and it’s mistaken for dismissive or callous language. Again, I really thought it was me but after revisiting and analyzing the situation, I realized that at least 75% of the time, it’s not me. It’s the frame of mind the person is in when the discussion is taking place. Once conflict arises, either party or both is on the defensive. Once that defensive noise kicks in, nothing said can be rationalized. That person’s heart is officially on their sleeve and if it was already there, it’s probably on their collar by the time the conversation ensues. I admit, I’ve been a victim of that noise and boy is it loud.

I’m a firm believer of what you put out, you receive back. Words are such powerful beings. I call them being because they exist once created. Spat into the universe or displayed in black and white, how we use them can determine our direction in life. They mimic our actions. “Practice what you preach”, “Do unto others has you would have them to do unto you”, “When someone shows you who they are the first, believe them.” All of these quotes (very well relative) equate words with action. They have a partnership. Like bread and butter. Guru and Chaka Khan say it best “watch what you saying, someone’s gonna hear exactly what you say…” Words reflect a person’s character, their intentions, sincerity and loyalty. They can also display jealousy, selfishness and malice. It’s important that the words we use reflect who we truly are. To be a walking contradiction (smile) is to live life denying the truth, masking the absolute with Vegas show lights. I doubt any of you are just a show or…maybe you are.

These things called words not only reflect and possibly define our character, who we are; they also fixate labels on causal and intimate relationships. Words used to define a single message, are not used in ways that express concern, grief, happiness, disappointment and even affirmation. These symbolic characters have designed a world that can be familiar in some cases and foreign in others.

As I continue with part 2 on my journey with words, think about this: we use words so loosely these days, there's a loophole for everything. It's like the world is one big law book of over and under analyzed figuratives that can be spun any moment…

How do you feel about this….I welcome your thoughts.

What about these words: Preface

2009-10-25T18:55:00.002-04:00

I started this journey with words about 3 or 4 months ago. There was a lot of emotion behind what I wanted to say, so I left an unfinished post saved on my blog. I went back to it a few times but couldn't seem to remove the emotion from it so that it would be objective and not a "confessional". So I left it there. Just recently I thought about the different terms we used to define relationships or label people, i.e. "bromance", "frienemies", "Brangelina" <--- what is that about anyway!? I will continue an outlook of these terms in my next post. Hey it may be a three part series. Let's see where my mind take me but for now. I present Part 1 of "Words of a Feather Flock Together".

Catchy isn't it ;)

Yin and Yang: Balancing for the Season called "Your Life"

2009-10-11T22:40:00.005-04:00

How do you balance life? Do you use a project planner, PDA, your Outlook calendar? Is there a way that you are able to maintain sanity throughout the day, separating the worlds in which you live?

I contemplate these questions as move toward reaching a higher level of being. Remnants of who I was in my late teens and early twenties still follow me. The older I gracefully grow, the more I realize certain things must change, the more my desires move left, the more my wants turn into needs.

I'm happy to say that I'm not the person that I used to be...that I've grown for the better; but still in all I battle with conflicts of interest, with parts of me that I still enjoy that I know I must let go. I battle with two worlds that serve a good purpose in my life but one is greater, more significant than the other. I know you're asking "well what is it?" but it's something that I can't really divulge and for reasons which many of you may never understand or even relate. However, what I believe connects us together in this post is the idea that many of us are holding on to parts of ourselves, remnants of our past that we can't seem to let go but not realizing that what we cherish so much, what we hold so dear to our hearts is the very thing that prohibits us from moving forward. This, among other things, is what I battle with daily...learning to let go.

This letting go process is so much easier said than done. This balancing of two lives comes with a sacrifice. I make decisions based on the remnants of my past and these two lives daily. As much as I live to serve others, I realize that in order for me to achieve this, I must serve myself which means that I must make sacrifices that are the best interest of who I am. It may sound selfish but folks, it is. You must be selfish in order to move forward. If you don't take care of you, how can you take care of others. It's simple mathematics and trust me, math is NOT my subject.

Today was a very peaceful day for me. More peaceful than what I've been in awhile. I'm not sure if it's because I went back to church for the first time in three weeks or if it's because I'm really starting to come into my own. Whatever the case may be, my thoughts for today were to look at the situation from an outside perspective. View it for what it is on the surface and evaluate accordingly. From there, I decide which sacrifices I need to make and get them done. Organization and analysis is the name of the game for me. Whatever your method of managing your conflict, find what it is, embrace it and implement it because in due time; the moment of choice will come and the sacrifice will have to be made. My hope is that all of you will make the right decision.

As always your thoughts are welcome.

Until next time...
VaughnySweet.

Time to Change with the Leaves

2009-09-30T22:50:00.004-04:00

As the beginning of Fall REALLY takes place (this is depressing me a bit), all I can do is reflect on my Summer. There are still some things that take interest within my thoughts but overall, I managed to not only have some sort of social life but to also reignite my motivation to get and stay healthy. 40lbs ago, I was an avid health-junkie....people, places, space and time have ways of altering your life in some sort of way, the test is whether you continue to allow it to cause a riff in your plans. Somehow - without knowing - I managed to overcome it.

So as I officially enter this Fall season, I prepare for the Holidays, the height and close of 4th quarter sales, non-profit fundraisers and layering. I also enter this Fall season a couple "friends" short. I thought about those situations today and realized the whole time was a facade. That baffles me how people can intrude your personal space, settle there and pretend as if their presence is supposed to mean something when really....all along, they were just out for self. It's a quality in people I'll never understand and quite frankly, I'm not even sure if I care to.

In continuing to let go of my inhibitions, come to grips with some personality traits that need removing and walk through the door of opportunity for the chance of a career that I truly thought I missed....I look forward to this latter half of year and equally prepare myself for it and the future that is to come....

Hello Fall how ya doin!

VaughnySweet.

Let's Talk About Sex!

2009-09-28T18:09:00.005-04:00

Let’s talk about it…you know, that taboo subject. Well…it ain’t too taboo anymore. You see it everywhere these days. On ad campaigns, commercials, infomercials, daytime TV, primetime TV, late night TV, cable TV, On Demand TV…if you haven’t figured it out yet…I’m talkin’ about SEX. Yes S E X…sex. Ah, doesn’t it feel good to say it sometimes…SEX, SEX, SEX!!!! Ok enough rubbing it in, down to the real subject at hand.

Lately I’ve been putting myself in situations where I’m questioning the decisions of my sexual encounters. They don’t occur much (which I’m ok with) but when they do take place, I’m left questioning should I have just kept “me” to myself? Honestly, I could write a book about the horror stories but that would just be wrong, so I will leave the past where it is…in the past.

Recently, I’ve realized that (1) I’m not the same ol’ energetic college student with the stamina of a…well, you know and (2) my needs have changed. I have no idea where all this emotion came from but it has surfaced and I long for a deeper connection with who I’m having relations with, not just a quick fix. I never cared to cuddle or be held after the act but lately, I just wish a dude would roll over and caress my back, stroke my hair, even if he falls asleep snoring on me; be considerate enough to get me relaxed, delve in the moment. Fortunately for me, it hasn’t become an unfulfilled task….on the flip side, I’ve preferred the “after” as opposed to the “during”. Does this mean I’ve once again lost my libido – sidebar: I did a MySpace note about a year or two ago about losing my libido, I’ll share that on here…love to hear your thoughts. Ok, I’m back…no I haven’t lost my libido…actually seems like I’m a little more ravenous than I thought (don’t start!). Does this mean that I’m continuously left unsatisfied…maybe…I’m not an expert but what it seems (from my amateur perspective) is that I’m looking to be made love to and not just “sexed”. I’m writing a book – well seems as if I’ve been writing this book for the last five years – but in the book, I talk about what I believe separates sex from love. Here’s an excerpt:

"…sex is an act for mature people to not just engage in but to develop and perfect, in which you allow yourself to express how you love, share passion and connect emotionally. It is not to be toyed with, abused, misused, desecrated or blown out of proportion. It is, in some ways, an art. Within sex, comes the act of making love. Making love to someone requires the same actions as sex but has a deeper, more emotional, physical and spiritual connection. People, who are deeply connected with each other, make love. Making love doesn't hurt you, it doesn't leave you sprung. It allows you to embrace the other person, to humble yourself amongst the most vulnerable moment or moments in your life. It creates gentleness, a tender heart and a soulful existence. Making love creates life in all aspects." – The Untitled Book

As I think back on some the recent experiences, I – at times – just wish I had stayed a virgin. If you’re a follower of my blog and you’re a virgin, STAY THAT WAY! You ain’t missing a damn thing…trust me! It’s hard to detach yourself from the emotion that a sexual encounter gives and if/when you become an expert at doing so, it leaves you cold and stoic. When the right person comes along (man or woman) you won’t be able to give yourself completely because you’ve now become this emotionless shell that’s hollow and empty. Don’t ever make that a personal goal for yourself.

So amidst all my rambling, my thoughts within this whole post are how, over the years, needs and wants can change. We become so comfortable with how we’ve conducted ourselves since our teens and twenties that when we approach that heightened age of maturity, we have no idea what to do because we didn’t prepare ourselves for the change. I didn’t prepare myself for the change. I never thought I’d want to be loved this early in the game; that I’d want to be married, have a close relationship with the opposite sex. I never knew this day would come, I always believe it didn’t exist for me and now it’s here…and all I want to do is just put my package on the back shelf until the right person comes along. Why continuously put myself out there to have bouts of meaningless sex? First of, I’d like for my vajajay’s elasticity to remain in tact and two, that’s can become a bit whorish.

I really need your thoughts on this one. I’d more so like a man’s perspective. Let’s talk about sex…how do you feel, is it still the necessity that people have claimed it to be or is it really just over rated.

I welcome your thoughts.

Vaughny Sweet

Repetition: Thoughts About Men

2009-09-11T20:43:00.004-04:00

I've been kind of wrecking my brain about this whole ideal behind courtship. As I sip on some Pinot Grigio at candlelight, all I can think about are the many conversations or lack thereof, between the men I've become acquainted with. I'm not sad about it, I'm not even disappointed, I'm more confused. Really...what do men want? When you're too passive they dismiss you, when you're too aggressive, they think you're a "stalker", when you just be who you are, they want a slore, when you're a slore, they want you to be yourself. It's hard to find a balance these days. Seems like the choices of men are getting smaller and smaller by the millisecond. I get that it's all in your approach, timing, etc but what is the right approach, when is the right time? No one really knows, it's kind of all a blur...

You know, the wine is pretty tasty...don't worry folks, I won't be in a drunken stooper by the end of the post but I must say the ambiance in this restaurant I'm in with this mixture of electronic-tango is quite soothing. I'm at peace.

Ok, back to the subject at hand...the approach.

They say men are suppose to enjoy the "hunt" but what if they're waiting for you to make the first move, or what if they're not responding to your moves at all? Does it really mean they're not into you or does it mean try a different approach? I'm realizing more and more, as I attempt to show this man I have interest in him, that I don't know how to talk to a man. I try to do the "soft innocent, damsel in distress role", make a man feel needed and somehow that "miss independent, well eff it if you don't want it" person comes out and I end up saying something not well received. Talk about efforts back firing. When I try to pay compliments, they come off abrasive, when I try to be flirtatious, it comes off mean. For me to have a degree in SPEECH Communication, I sure suck at this interpersonal stuff.

Seems as if the common denominator in the scenario is rejection, which I believe we all fear in some shape or form. Rejection, for me, is saying something that is misconstrued. I'll feel like I did/said something wrong and kind of turn into this shell of a person. So among all my babbling, here are the questions in my mind - is there really any right way to approach a man? Is there even such thing as "an approach" Is it even worth it to put yourself out there?

There is so much more I want to say but I'll save it for another post.
As always, I welcome your thoughts.

Until next time
Vaughny Sweet.

Summer I'm Gonna Miss You :(

2009-08-31T20:33:00.004-04:00

Today marks the end of Summer....Summer hours end this week, children start school, daylight saving time starts to fade....it's just a down time - well, at least for me it is. At any rate, I didn't get to do much of what I wanted. I didn't travel more than 2hrs away, no beach time, no amusement parks, no parks, not too many cookouts but I did manage to turn a shade or two darker.

So what does Fall mean to you? Is it a time to regroup, reorganize and re-strategize? When your "leaves" shed and drift away, have you harvested enough to cultivate the shine during the Winter so that it can manifest in the Spring and Summer? I'm not sure if I have but I want to look at this time as one to grind, make moves, set myself up so when the sun shines closer to the Earth and it's time for me to bloom, I can shock mofos like POW! <--- that made me smile.

Anyhoo...just wanted to cap off my Summer. Posts for the Fall and Winter months will hopefully be enlightening, entertaining and possibly educating...if you have any ideas, please feel free to share. As always, I welcome your thoughts.

Hello Fall!

VaughnySweet

Marriage: An Ideal or Institution

2009-08-19T14:48:00.003-04:00

I’ve been noticing a pattern with myself lately. A lot of my thoughts – aside from the funky friends I’ve been dealing with – have been about relationships, marriage and the like. No kids though, not ready, lol. I think I’m approaching that point where I want to settle down with someone, become a family, a unit. It’s weird…I never thought I would have these thoughts but I do. As I was having a conversation yesterday with a very close friend of mine referencing the previous post, we got on the subject of marriage. Well, he’s married so we talk about the ups and downs, ins and outs of marriage. Surprisingly I seem to give great advice, especially for someone who’s not married. I hope I remember what I say when the time comes. At any rate, he jokingly said that he’s not an advocate of marriage (weird from someone who’s married). In his defense, I know the basis of his statement. At times, we make decisions prematurely because we feel like it’s the right thing to do, even though we’re not completely ready to make that step. ß I’ve had this conversation regarding that statement with him and I’m gonna leave it at that.

The discussion ensues and it becomes interesting and actually becomes the inspiration behind this post. Somewhere in his little light-skinned mind he believes that once a man and woman become married, that they can no longer be “buddies” or more so confide in one another as they did before “the papers were signed”. Of course, knowing the highly opinionated person I am, this made absolutely no sense to me. From my perspective, once you get married, the bond between the man and the woman is supposed to grow. Don’t believe me, here’s a quote from one of my chat members (yes I manage a chat group too, email me and I may send you an invite – smile):

“…I think that sounds a bit ridiculous and that is a fast way to getting divorced. To no longer confide the way [you] once confided so much will be a significant change in [the] relationship. That will lead to a communication breakdown which will in turn affect other areas of the relationship. If anything, the confiding, talking and communicating needs to increase more when you are married. You absolutely need to be buddies, best friends, partners, lovers, etc in order for the marriage to truly work.” – R. Pace

This is the same view I have. I couldn’t imagine not being able to talk to my life partner. This is the person whom I’m supposed to be with for eternity and I can’t tell him my personal secrets? How dreadful! On the flipside, if you know from the beginning during the courting, dating and commitment stage that you are unable to confide in the person you’re with because this person refuses to be objective and non-judgmental, you should really think about if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Seriously! The chat group and I also touched on having friends outside the marriage with the opposite sex. I’ve had this conversation with a few folks before and the opinions are always flavorful. Most say no and others say yes but with some boundaries. It’s tough having friends outside the marriage, specifically if your spouse is not familiar with them and you have a special bond with that person. Some people call that cheating and can be worse than actual physical contact but I’ll leave that discussion for another time. It’s too deep.

So (ok, ok I need to find another adverb/conjunction…well in this sentence, it’s and adverb) my question comes as this, is marriage an “ideal” or an “institution”. There is a difference between ideals and institutions. Ideals equate to beliefs and institutions are the context by which something is created. Similar but different, although one can coincide with the other – in other words – in can be both; but I’m looking to understand which perspective holds more weight. Is it more prevalent when it’s a belief or when it’s contextual? Based on my bestie’s response, for him it seems more contextual. Not so much a belief. For Mr. Pace, it seems like it’s both. For me, I’m in between. There are some ideologies about marriage that I’m on the fence with but the whole concept of marriage creating a unit (the institutional side), I believe in wholeheartedly.

There are so many negatives on the aspect of marriage. People feel as though they lose who they are once they become married and this is not the case. You will always be YOU, there’s no changing that; however, your priorities change because there is more than one person that is now a part of you. Your “individual” life may end because you are now one body but a new chapter, or maybe a sequel, in your life begins and a new cycle evolves. This is how generations are made. Maybe I see marriage as a bigger picture than just a last name and some benefits. To me, marriage signifies a life of newness, where legacies can be built, dreams can be manifested with strong support and possibly a world can be changed. Alright, so I’m a dreamer but I’m almost sure if everyone viewed marriage in the smallest way that I view it, the divorce rate would be down a couple of percents. As a product of a divorced home, I take something like that very seriously. It’s a GIANORMOUS step that is taken and if you are not fully prepared mentally and spiritually, it can turn out to be a long ass road that can possibly spiral out of control.

Marriage: an ideal or institution…what are your views, your thoughts….I welcome them.

VaughnySweet.

A Bull of Emotions

2009-08-17T19:57:00.004-04:00

I have these swirling thoughts in my head about relationships, from a female perspective of course. I usually write out my posts on a memo pad or regular paper before I post but today, you'll get to experience (possibly for the second or third time) the creative process my brain goes through.

I'm gonna open my heart a little so bear with me....

So (I'm noticing a pattern with this word), there's this guy that I'm interested in. I have a little background history on him and based on what I've heard, our paths are quite similar. Although somehow for me, no matter how much commonality I may have with a guy or how much we click or whether the man has been hurt and is looking for something real, I ALWAYS and when I mean always, I mean ALWAYS end up getting the short side of the stick. It never seems to fail, but back to this guy. We've gone out once and it seemed like magic. We connected, it was so much fun and at that moment I realized he was the companion I've been seeking for years. I hadn't felt that way in a long time and once you have that feeling you always yearn for it to stay with you as long as possible. Somehow in my heart, I knew it would be short lived but I'm trying my best not to be a "Negative Nancy"and trust me folks, it's EXTREMELY hard. Really...it is.

Here are some patterns that I noticed. Prior to us going out, I didn't really hear from him much. We spoke occasionally (not necessarily directly) on a few social networks but other than that, no direct contact. Second thing I noticed, I'm the only one making contact. Based on my experience, that's an official sign that dude is not into you. Nevertheless, I thought of him when going out to a function and invited him to attend with me. Real talk, I wanted to go with a man and he's who I chose. The night was memorable. We spoke before hitting the sack (separately of course) and then not much after that. The past few days, I've been given some advice from three people who's opinion I value wholeheartedly. Two of them gave me the same exact advice and neither of them are from the same sex. The third person pretty much told me to be more positive and patient. Trust me, I'm listening to them but I also know what I see.

Here's another patten with practically all of the relationships I've encountered. Briefly, the scenario goes:

guy and girl meet, guy and girl make contact outside of first meeting, girl doesn't hear from guy so she makes contact, guy and girl make plans but they never happen, guy tells girl he's "busy", now girl has negative thoughts, thinks guy is not into her, girl acts out, makes "slick" at times derogatory comments, guy feels uncomfortable, girl lashes out again and cuts guy off. guy tries to make contact, girl ignores guy...the end.

Again, I'm trying not to be a "Negative Nancy" but I see the pattern and I know it all too well. This is where my mind is going now...how often do we as women continuously make efforts to obtain courtship with a man when he doesn't reciprocate the actions? Today my Nana (I love her) said to me, "don't call him, if he cares he'll call you. be independent. decent guys are used to women chasing them, don't chase him. let him come to you, that way you'll see that he cares." That spoke volumes to me. When did it come to a point that women are so hell bent on being in a relationship that we started chasing men? What happened to courtship, men wanting to be with women, to have sound relationships, to have a family? The dynamics of why we are here on this Earth is so slighted. Aren't we supposed to be finding our soul mate, being fruitful and multiplying, making a difference in this world? Our priorities are screwed and it is now having an effect on our relationships with one another and with the opposite sex. Seems like Maryann has infested the world with chaos (watch True Blood then you'll get it).

At any rate, I'm trying my hardest not to completely shut down but unfortunately, I can't seem to help the way I feel. It would be disappointing to see something with great potential simply fizzle but at the end of the day, my emotions and my sanity are all I have. If I allow them to be used and mistreated, what sacred part of me do I have left?

Just my thoughts....

VaughnySweet.

Mrs. Softee

2009-08-12T13:28:00.003-04:00

So maybe I'm just a softee. Who knew? Well maybe some people did. I know I keep revisiting the topic of friendship and it's mainly because I've been experiencing a lot of friendship issues. I just keep thinking what's in a word, when its definitions are not heeded? So again, maybe I'm just a softee (I'm spelling it like that for a reason).

Here's the deal with me. I have huge issues with conflict. I believe, I've expressed this before. On the flip side, I can be quite confrontational. Weird, I know, but hey, that's me. The problem is this, these people who call me "friend" or even their "girl" have crossed my path on a negative note, more than once. Many of them have no clue that I know. This leaves me to question the validity of their sincerity towards me and their intentions for even befriending me in the first place.

Am I really that easy of a target?

Whatever the reasons maybe, I'll probably never understand why people continuously give me their ass to kiss. It's quite frustrating when you give everything and do your best to live up to the friendship and the other party makes every effort to piss all over it. I'm aware of the solutions to the problem. Seems quite easy right? Say what it is you have to say...Yeah I got it. However, I know the people I deal with (excuse the preposition). They handle confrontation defensively and not objectively. Sure I know it's guilt but it's also counterproductive for me. How? Easy, if the person is already expecting the confrontation, those defensive walls block any type of resolution (or at least mutual resolution) from happening. Therein making the discussion counterproductive. This pre-notion causes me to avoid confronting people of their wrong doings towards me. Horrible excuse, I get it, but why waste my time when I can just separate myself? No it doesn't solve the problem but it removes that person from my space and allows some type of forward movement. At least in my mind it does.

So it's official, I'm a softee and in possible need of professional assistance. This passive-aggressive nature I've acquired is not helping me. I have a lot of bottled up emotions. I release them in black and white but I need to release them into the universe, for the people in question to know it's for them. On paper, people can only assume but verbally, they'll know for sure.

Guess it's time to toughen up and release the Leo. I say that a lot but it's time I do.

Your thoughts are welcome.

VaughnySweet.

Why Worry...$@*#& Happens!

2009-07-23T16:06:00.002-04:00

Of course I should be working on this spreadsheet but I'm doing what I seem to do the best lately and that's contemplate. Since being off of unemployment, things have been so bittersweet for me. I am glad and grateful that I am working but on the flip side, the pay is on a lower scale, so for the most part, I'm still lagging behind in some respects. However, I must admit, I am NOT the best with handling money. I recognize this and desperately want to improve and each time I make the efforts, it seems as if my efforts continuously fall in vain.

This past Sunday one of my worst fears happened, my car broke down. Who knew that life would be dependent on two things, (1) a car and (2) cell phone. Don't believe me, get stranded without either and see how far you get. Luckily, my bill is paid, so I had a workable mobile but I learned a valuable lesson with my car breaking down - don't ever allow money to dictate how you react to a situation of distress. What a valuable, valuable lesson I learned. Not only did I get screwed out of $50, I spent my money for the week and I've been on a mini fast since Monday. My lunch of choice today, a Special K Protein Bar and some Welch's Fruit Snacks...don't judge me. I'm still coming out of my rough patch but seriously. All of this could have been avoided if I didn't allow my current situation to dictate my response. It put me at a larger deficit than what was already in place.

At the end of the situation, I'm still without a car and under a small amount of stress about how much this is costing me and whoever else decides to help the kid. For two days, I've been in and out of a mildly depressive state, trying to figure out what I did or didn't do and it took me back to a very important person...my auntie. She wasn't my real auntie but she treated me like her niece. She and my mom were extremely close. She died last week Wednesday, this after her, my mom and another very close friends of theirs had dinner that Tuesday night. She had a heart attack in her sleep and why...a broken heart...I believe. She had been under EXTREME stress, handling family business, dealing with a freeloading daughter and coping with the loss of her mother. Her sudden death and the events that took place prior made me slow my roll. I too, very much like her, am a chronic worrier. Worriment surrounds me heavy, even when it's nothing to worry about, I'm worried. I've worried myself into a deep depression, loss of weight, gaining of weight and loss of hair. It is a characteristic of mine that I am DESPERATELY trying to break. My aunt's sudden death put all of that into perspective. Life is SOOO short. We have to live EVERYDAY as if it were our last. I have no clue if she knew her time had come but what I do know is that she enjoyed her Tuesday and possibly went to sleep with the worries of Wednesday on her mind, only to not have it be a worry anymore. I believe she is at peace.

The end result for me in all of this is to realize that shit happens. I walked home from the train station yesterday (which is about a mile and a half) and during that walk, I tussled in my mind, what could I have done better, what didn't I do to prevent it, what didn't I do as a responsible adult and I found some faults, but at the end of the day, Betsy (that's my car) was gonna breakdown eventually. Thank God that I was close to home and not at my schedule destination. I was within in reach to family and friends. All were there to support me. My job now is to fix the problem and right now Besty is being repaired. There are additional repairs that are needed and it is my responsibility to get them fixed because shit happens and I need to prepare for the worst and the best.

Has my worrying stop, not quite but what I can say is that it is easier for me to put things into perspective and prevent myself from falling too deep. My aunt's death is bittersweet for me. I hate that she is gone but from her death, I learned a valuable lesson about myself and I can now move forward and work towards checking this task of my list of things to do.

Until next time.

VaughnySweet

Are You A True Friend?

2009-07-13T15:05:00.003-04:00

As I sit here eating my Garden Salsa flavored Sun Chips (which are rocking btw) and sipping some green tea, I am enlightened by so many things. I enjoy being enlightened. At times it tends to shift your perspective and help make critical decisions that many of us oftentimes, como se dice, stagnate. My enlightened thoughts come from a place of confusion, coupled with disappointment, self-realization (or maybe just plain 'ol realization) and closure. When's the last time you allowed "closure" to enlighten you? Today's post is about friendship. I spoke about this some time ago but I felt the need to revisit, due in part, to the enlightenment that has so eloquently graced my thoughts. How exciting!

---So, today my fb status posed a question to my "friends" (how ironic) asking them, "what defines a friend?" I was happy to get a male and female perspective. Truth be told, I like the way a man thinks, it's fascinating to me (smile). I received some great and truthful responses. Some of which I have shared below:

"Friends are the people you prefer to/be hang around...They accept you and your good and bad, flaws and all". - Libra

"They (friends) should be able to tell you if you are doing wrong in a certain situation and will not lead you astray". - Briz

"Can I count on this person, trust them around my family or son, are they always asking for a hand out? Are they honest no matter if it hurts, always willing to do right...?" -Quan

"A friend is someone who's there to listen to your experiences and share their own with you. They don't let you down and they don't make you feel like you're they only one going through something." -Kisha.

There were more responses but these are the ones that stuck out most. They probed me. For the past three years, I've been re-evaluating my friendships. Oddly enough, the folks that most exceed these "qualifications" live at most, 3,000 miles away from me. I have VERY few right in my hometown. It boggles my mind how someone 3,000 miles away can challenge me to do better, as opposed to someone 10 mins away driving distance. No question at who's the better friend. See this word "friend" has two forms, a noun and a transitive verb (not sure what a transitive verb is? I'll give an English lesson later, starting with not ending a sentence with "is"..smham). Ok, I'm back...as a noun, a friend is one "who is attached by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile <--- I'll come back to this, one that is of the same nation, party or group; a favored companion." As a transitive verb, a friend is defined as "the ACT of: befriend". Hmmm...things are coming full circle quicker than expected, cool beans.

So if friend as a verb is the "act of; to befriend" and friend as a noun is a "favored companion, someone attached by affection or esteem, a non-hostile person of the same nation, party or group"; it is safe to say WE CHOOSE our friends? We CHOOSE to be acquainted with someone, to allow them in our circle, to share our being, our lives; so...why is it that after these people have the HONOR of becoming YOUR (because based on the definition it is a privilege, not a right) friend, that people betray, misinterpret, lose sight of and just outright disrespect the friendship!? Alright I got it, we don't have to be in each other's faces 24/7/365 but if I haven't seen or heard from your arse in 6 months and we schedule a meet-up and you renege EVERY TIME, seriously, you're not my friend! If I have a problem bringing you around my significant other (men this goes for you too), you're not my friend. IF every time I have good news, you have to piss all over it with your shade and negative attitude, you're not a friend. IF I can't confide in you my most intimate secrets without the apprehension of you telling the world, you're not a friend. IF you're constantly competing me with because you can't stand for me to be on top, you're not a friend. All of this refers back to a friend not being hostile. If you're fighting me every step of the way or throwing salt on my trail, how can I befriend you? How can we be a team if all it is with you is "I"! C'mon you know the saying!? I've become so disheartened with non-supportive people who claim to be friends. How is that possible?

Recently a "friend" of mine whom I've now drifted a part from, told me that she's read everything I've ever written posted via web. Surprisingly, I was hurt. Here's why: first, I had no idea she was even interested in anything I did, yet alone had to say and second, she waited like 8yrs (I might be embellishing a bit) to tell me this...WTH!? I considered this woman my sister, 8yrs later (I'm sticking with this figure) you tell me you admire my work? And to boot, she's always complained about hearing about my life via web. It made me look at her different. Why did she feel the need to keep that from me? Did she think my head would get souped? If so, then she never really knew at me all...

So where do you draw the line? When do you let go of something that's not meant to be...when do you determine it should be repaired? Once efforts are made to repair it, is it ok that it's never the same again? (thoughts of Tony Starks in my head). What to do when "so-called friends" do things that constantly affect you directly and indirectly and then smile in your face like everything is sugar? These are the questions that boggle my mind. I have a lot of unsaid words to a lot of people but I've let time pass so long, that I'm not sure if it's even worth it.

I welcome your thoughts...

Vaughny Sweet

Who should play Michael Jackson in a Biopic?

2009-07-09T16:36:00.003-04:00

Not even five minutes ago I just saw the following words appear at the bottom of my television screen while watching TV ONE: Who should play Michael Jackson in a Biopic? Generally speaking, we are all in a state of shock after watching the MJ memorial, and for those of us who are true fans, it's way too early to consider such a notion.

My natural inclination is to say that NO ONE SHOULD PLAY MICHAEL JACKSON IN A BIOPIC!!!!!!! Michael was ridiculed, mocked, and betrayed in life. I think we should let him live through his music and rest in peace. Over the course of a fifty year life, Michael spent 45 years, or 90 percent of his time on Earth directly in front of the public eye with no regard for his family, his private life or his mental well-being. There is nothing that would appear in a biopic that we haven't seen in a magazine or on Entertainment Tonight or even heard firsthand either through Michael and his family members. I also thought we covered Michael's most productive years in the movie, The Jackson's: An American Dream (1992), which demonstrated how Michael transformed into the enigmatic icon that so many of us loved. Much of what would possible be covered in a "biopic" would be focused on the negativity of the past 15 years, and that would be detrimental to his children as well as his legacy.

The Notorious movie evoked similar feelings in me. I loved The Notorious B.I.G., but after his death there was so much coverage in the media, including a one-hour episode of Behind the Music on his life and death. We saw "Biggie's" mother, Violetta Wallace, in tears over the untimely death of her son. Once I saw that a movie would come to theaters in January of 2009, I knew that there was a motive, and that motive was money. I say all of this to say that from this vantage point, any "biopic" about Michael would strictly be for financial gain and not to pay tribute to The Man, The Legend, and The Music.

Why should someone's life, priceless in nature, be so profitable in death?

The Moment My Heart Stood Still

2009-07-09T15:54:00.005-04:00

For days, I’ve had so many thoughts in my head. These last two weeks have been emotionally draining. It’s so hard to believe but Michael Jackson is gone. I never thought I’d see this day or experience this moment. For me, he was supposed to immortal. I loved him like he was a part of my family. I can’t imagine how those close to him are feeling because it’s been rough for me. I am a die-hard fan. Even when the media and others gave up on Mike, I was still there supporting his music and defending him. Since his passing, there are so many lessons that can be learned from this tragedy. I’d like to present two that I feel are most important in my opinion; (1) don’t be afraid to be who you are despite what other people think or believe and (2) your health is all you have.

There are so many things that we may never understand about MJ’s life but one thing about him that was so prevalent, regardless of what people saw or what they heard, he NEVER forgot where he came from or who he was. What I realize now as an adult is that no one really listened to what Mike had to say. Folks were so fascinated by his moves and performances but if you take a really close look at what he’s saying (look up the lyrics to Black or White, They Don’t Really Care About Us, Stranger in Moscow, Man in the Mirror, Heal the World and others) he CONTINOUSLY spoke out against the government, challenging them to do better nationally and internationally, he spoke out against racism and he told folks to leave him alone! His writing was prolific. He was pure genius, yet people judged him because of his skin disease or because he altered his nose or because he chose to father children with a white woman or because of those people with whom he surrounded himself….from day one, Mike was judged, ridiculed, boxed-in, misunderstood. Only those close to him appreciated him for who he was. I never knew Mike but I understood him. I empathized with some of his bouts. Some of us may never know how it feels to not be able to walk across the street, window shop, move freely around town or not have to dress in disguise to have a peaceful night out on the town. His being was constantly under public scrutiny. The name calling, the assumptions, he was even accused of child molestation…twice, not only to be later acquitted but to have the truth, upon his death be revealed. Even still, people believe that he is this monster that the media and others have made him out to be. This will forever hurt my heart but he never once shied away from who he was. He even left the US to maintain a peaceful life.

With all the hoopla taking place, Mike had to be under a lot of stress. He was never a hefty man but over the years, he got increasingly thin. Not because he wasn’t eating, it was the stress and lack of sleep he was getting. I can’t imagine how many sleepless nights he had reading what people said about him, wondering how it would affect his kids, his family. Wondering if he chose the right people to surround himself with, could he trust them, his music career, his next move, if he even wanted to move….Bottom line, Mike didn’t take care of himself and there weren’t that many people around him who had his best interest at heart. Just check out the interview with Bashir. He showed MJ in the worst light possible and twice for that matter. I wonder if he’s able to sleep at night? Mike was preparing for a 50 show tour. What person does that? I saw the footage of his last days on stage. He didn’t appear to be sick but he looked EXTREMELY tired. He was moving slow; he’s not a slow mover. The lack of sleep and exhaustion from rehearsing didn’t help. However because of this, there are now speculations that he was addicted to prescription drugs. I hope MJ is looking at all these people he allowed into his space that are now speaking out and telling his private affairs. He must be hurt to know people he believed he could trust are now selling their stories for some chump change….et tu brute! I believe his shaky health, sped up a time that was just too soon. At least for me it was.

There are so many things we can take from Michael’s life. These two are important because without knowing who you REALLY are and without the upkeep of your health, how you can impact the world as he did, how can touch lives through artistry has he did, how can you raise the bar to a level that has been unmatched has he did? Without those two things, your efforts are pointless. I am happy that I am in the process of rediscovering who I am and reprioritizing my life to be healthy of mind, heart and spirit.

I love you Michael J. Jackson and you will always been in my heart forever.

Vaughny Sweet.

To be Humble is to be Reverent...

2009-06-25T16:46:00.003-04:00

Do you know how to humble yourself? Can you submit to the blessings that have been bestowed upon you? I may lose some folks on this one but I think it’s important to recognize where your gifts come from. We have many gifts and many avenues in which we’ve received our blessings. When’s the last time you humbled yourself and gave a vote of thanks and appreciation to your Creator (whoever He/She may be) and to those who have helped you. Oftentimes we get so caught up in the blessing that we forget about the “Blesser”. That’s important; there are a lot of us young and old, chillin’ on a high horse, walking ‘round like their poo don’t stink like e’ryone else’s. Seriously!? It sounds so cliché but in order to progress (you all know I love this word) forward, we have to remember the trail…our trail. Never feel like you can’t relate once you’ve come through your “test”. I mean, you were just there last month!

Do you know how to humble yourself? Can you appreciate the good things? Whether you believe or not, the path you’ve trotted along has inscribed a testimony to your life that can help someone. Are you humble enough to share it or are you ashamed of who you really are? As I speak to myself in this post, I realized that I am not as humble as I thought. I wasn’t able to appreciate what I had and what I’d gone through to get it. At times we become disappointed with ourselves because we’re not were we want to be. We have to rid ourselves of this negative spirit. If we don’t celebrate the little things, how can we learn to appreciate the BIG BLESSINGS when they come around? I know I’ve said that statement before but I believe (and boy do I have strong beliefs) that it’s important to reinforce. Humbling yourself is a process. It requires the deconstruction of you ego….WHEW! I had to laugh to myself because I know for MANY of us, INCLUDING myself, it is extremely hard. But honestly, I must say that a strong pride can do nothing but keep you slow-poking. You can only get so far with it. I say that from first-hand experience (you should listen to me sometimes). To be truly appreciative, it must show in your daily walk and portray itself in your words and tone.

So I ask again, do you know how to humble yourself? Can you separate yourself from your trophy of “things” and give credit where it’s due? Think about it and get back to me. In the meantime, I’ll check for myself.

One last thought – could it be, the fact that you DON’T know how to be humble is the reason why you are stagnant in your growth?

Until next time…

Vaughny Sweet.

Relationships = Confusion

2009-06-24T17:07:00.006-04:00

How do you know, if someone...you know...wants you? Should you read the signals, should you ask, should you dismiss the notion? Who's to say that person feels the same. Should you take the risk and cross the line or let it go and wait 'till something more clear, cut and dry come along. Oftentimes we battle with deciphering mixed signals, but is it our place to decode the messages? Wouldn't it be best if the sender just said what they wanted to say? Why is it people are so vague during the "get-to-know-you" process? What are we afraid of? Isn't the point to know the other person, so why are so damn secretive? Again, what are afraid of? Why put yourself out there if you're gonna clam up? Why go through the motions of exchanging information if you're never gonna call or if the conversation doesn't move past a "textual" medium? What's the point? Are folks still doing "numbers'"? Aren't we too old for that?

So how do you know, if someone, you know...wants you? Based on my observations, you don't because even if they say they do, it may all be just a game to them. Married folks think they have it hard, try being single. What happened to just hanging out? Can you at least be clear about that? I mean most of us believe that we're fun people; I know I do, but these days, you can't even get a movie buddy and that's with discounted tickets. So what's our fear in engaging acquaintance with the opposite sex? Are men too busy on their high horse, expecting women to climb a pedestal? Are women to vague and emotional leaving men in a whirl of confusion? I give these questions a 50/50, half yes and half no. Everyone is not on the same boat but somehow those "no's" seems to ALWAYS run into the "yes'"....WHASSUP WITH THAT!?!?

I guess the point in all my rambling is, if you really want someone, TELL 'EM! I don't know about the rest of you but I am SO tired of this game. MAN DOWN, I QUIT! I'm going back on the shelf. Let me know when this ish is over!

Where has My Sound Gone?

2009-06-23T13:20:00.002-04:00

As I sit here and listen to some great music from some of Britain sensations (Amy Winehouse, Adele, Corinne Bailey Rae, Floetry & Joss Stone) I wonder what has happened to the quality and musicianship of what we listen to today. Jay-Z comes out with D.O.A. (Death of Autotune) to challenge his counterparts to be more original, creative and lyrical with their music. Many fans are hyped about what D.O.A. brings to the rap game (as if Jay doesn’t always bring something “challenging” to the game) but in the same instance, many artists (new and old) are shall I say peeved. So what does that go to show? Are what can be called “artists” slacking at bringing something new and innovative to the audience, have we as fans reduced ourselves to pop-lock-and dropping it without being cognizant of what we’re listening to or are record companies watering down our “spiked punch”?

I’ve never really been a fan of commercialized music. I mean, record execs actually pay radio stations to place their artists in rotation, no matter how WACK the song is, because they want their cut. So have artists “sold out” to the man of the music industry? What happened to the Rakim’s, Kool Moe Dee’s, Heavy D’s, Big Pun’s, Tupac’s and Biggie’s of the hip-hop culture? I’ll tell you, they’ve all become independent artists on independent labels, doing their own distribution and selling out shows all over this country. How horrible is it that artists like Foreign Exchange, Talib Kweli, Amel Larrieux, N’Dambi, Eric Roberson, and Jill Scott even; don’t get as much or any air time compared to Soulja Boy tellem, Cassie, Lady Gaga and who ever else is swag surfing with a poker face. I mean really, do we even understand what we’re listening too!? Nah, we’re just dancing, throwing back shots of Patron, and getting loose off the Goose. Dang, even Jamie Foxx had to pay dues and get an Oscar before he could really get recognized as a musician (if you didn’t know, he’s a concert pianist) and if you haven’t heard it, you need to check out Infatuation. It’s a seriously underrated album.

So what can we do to cure ourselves of the saturated artists…exercise our consumer rights and demand quality over quantity. Going platinum doesn’t necessarily make you a good artist; it just means you probably tricked a lot of people into buying your crap with a Swizz Beatz track and a ghostwriter. Who can resist a Swizz Beatz produced track!? We (the consumer) hold the key to the artist. If we don’t support, who will? If we demand better quality music and request the sounds of the “starving artist” who slave day in and out to bring this world good music, who live and die for what they do, the masses have no other choice but to listen.

So are you ready to exercise your rights?

Until next time…

Vaughny Sweet.

Let Go of Your Fears and Discover Your Motivation

2009-06-19T10:42:00.003-04:00

Today’s post, I hope, serves as an eye-opener not only for myself but for all of you reading. This writing stuff is my therapy and all of you are listening (reading) as I “sit on the couch” and talk :) I will try to make this post as objective as possible, but I always tend to “minister” to myself with the intent of reaching and/or helping others in the process. As I was skimming through Twitter posts today, I came across a post from Rev. Run, yes folks; Rev. Run is on Twitter and drops a world of knowledge each day. He asked us (those who follow him) a question today, “What really lights you up? Gets you outta bed? Excites you?” As I started to respond quickly, I erased what I wrote because I realized, nothing really lights me up and besides the gracious touch of God’s hand every morning, nothing else gets me out of bed. Nothing excites me – well maybe a sunny day – but these past couple of weeks have been hella dreary. As I write this, I think about the times when I was happy…it was the moments I spent helping children. Sparking a flame of creativity in them, and in turn, sparking a flame of creativity in me. I’m infamous for saying I don’t like kids, but somehow I seem to work so well them. I, like many of us, am at a stagnant place in my life. For some time now, I’ve just been going through the motions and for any of you who hates traffic, going through the motions feels like a never-ending traffic jam that you can’t seem to get out of. As soon as you think you see your exit, some idiot comes along and cuts you off making you miss that window of opportunity to dip off onto the exit ramp. Alright now, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!?

At any rate, the point that I’m making here is that I was unable to answer what motivates me to get up and start a new day. Honestly, that’s not good. Yesterday on Twitter, I began posting goals that I believe can help us all (especially ourselves) prioritize or re-prioritize our lives. The one that stands out for me is Goal # 4, it states: Aspire to be something. Without an aspiration there would be no point in having goals because there would be nothing to attain. I truly believe in this. The previous day, I took some time out and really focused on the goals that I want to accomplish at this present time in my life. It is my “goal” to focus on at least ONE thing and stick to it. I finally narrowed it down to three entrepreneurial ventures that I want to embark on (particularly the projects that have been archiving on my laptop for the past 6 yrs). After jotting down the main points behind each, I felt great; two seconds later…I felt sad. Why? Because I realized something about myself that I never noticed…I’m paranoid. Although self-admittance is great a thing because you can then work from that point to fix it, it hurts to know that you’ve been in denial for soooo long. Can you just imagine the time you’ve wasted being in denial that could have been productive energy achieving your goals!? *sigh* I digress, but this led me back to a conversation I had with someone a couple of days ago. It’s funny how we believe we’ve placed this shell around ourselves, hoping no one would figure us out when in all reality, folks have already got us “pegged”. The gentlemen I spoke with called me paranoid. I took offense because, although I am well aware that I am a “chronic worrier”, I NEVER considered myself paranoid. Nonetheless, I took what he said as opinion and let it go…until yesterday when I looked at what I hope to be, the beginning of my life, on paper. At times when we realize an idiosyncrasy about ourselves, many of us – not all – tend to “beat ourselves up” over it. If this doesn’t apply to you, great; however for me, I am the President and CEO of the “Beat Yourself Up Club, Inc.” I am my own worst critic; no one has to bring me down because I can do it ALL by myself in 2.2 seconds. Not the best quality to have. So at this point of realization yesterday, it saddened me to know this bright, vibrant being I claim myself to be is actually paranoid. I’ve come across so many people in my “almost 30yrs” of living and for what it is I want to do, I could have started and finished it 50 times over. I live by my school’s motto, “Find a way or make one”; I had the “way”, it came to me right in my lap but I didn’t follow through. The lesson here is, don’t talk about it, be about it! I wasn’t bout it, bout it.

Ok, so this wasn’t as objective as I had hoped but the point in all of this “self-confessing” I do, is to find a solution to the problems that I may share with others and offer it up as a means to progress forward. I like the word progress; it has a strong pronunciation to it. The reoccurring theme here is inhibition, the solution (so I hear) is to let go. It sounds so simple when you say it to yourself but it is so easier said that done. I challenge all of you who may be in the same situation as me, to dig really deep and discover what your fear is. I am still combing through the depths of my true emotions to get down to the bottom of this thang; but when you all do (and I will do the same), write it down on a blank sheet of paper (copy or computer paper preferably), get a red marker and write it down in CAPS really large on the paper (if it’s more than one thing, adjust your print) spray some cologne on it (don’t ask I’m just writing what comes to my head), go some where far out, take a lighter and a bottle of water and burn it (DO NOT TO START A BRUSH FIRE PLEASE!!!). And when you burn it, say a mantra to yourself that you will NEVER let this fear, plague your spirit again. Folks this is our time, good things comes out of hard times. We CANNOT continue to let our fears prevent us from journeying down the path that God (or whatever/whomever you believe) has created for US. Find what motivates you, lock it away in your heart and seal it from those nouns, adjectives and adverbs that plan to come and steal it from you. Even when you are feeling low, let that special place in your heart be the thing that keeps you going when you want to quit. Say it to yourself in the shower, incorporate to your favorite melody, write down on the top left or right corner of your journal, use it as your signature line in an email or text message (if you choose). Don’t let it slip away because when it does, it will leave you lost among a world of doers who use that special place to move them through these treacherous woods called life. Let your motivation be your favorite flower that sprinkles a dash of aroma across your nostrils to make you smile. My folks, be ENCOURAGED, as I will fight everyday to be the same.

Until next time…

Vaughny Sweet.

To Trust or Not....That's MY Question

2009-06-16T14:36:00.004-04:00

I always tend to have so many thoughts rambling through my head. As I should be doing work, I can’t help but take the time to release the verbiage racing through my cerebellum. I’m not sure if I shared this before (probably have) but I have the desire to be an entrepreneur. I stepped out a bit with this blog; I figured if I could manage a blog and make weekly posts, I would do well at maintaining a business. Not quite the best equation but I figured simply managing a blog would be mere basics. Needless to say, I had to reach out to a contributor to assist in keeping the pace of the blog going and to add some versatility for the various readers that may grace this webpage. The actions made me think about some of the business ventures that I have yet to “venture out” and start. I’m ashamed to say that they are archiving on my laptop, waiting to be presented to the world, tried and given their chance to flourish and survive in this crazy economy. It made me think that may be I need a business partner. But this is not like a blog…it’s my dream! It’s a seed that I want to plant and watch grow. I’ll admit, I have trust issues but how easy would it be to entrust someone (random or familiar) with your vision? I’m apprehensive about the whole notion of having a business partner but in the same instance, I believe having a “second brain” to cultivate this seed may be the best thing for me yet.

Those of you who have businesses or are in the process of getting your “seeds” off the ground, do you have a business partner(s) and if you do; how did you learn to expand your vision large enough to allow someone else to give sound input? There is still so much to learn regarding what I want to do with my business but maybe, just maybe the person I partner with can fulfill that lack of knowledge and add the fertilizer needed to get this seed growing.

Your thoughts are welcome…

Until next time,

Vaughny Sweet.

I HATE to Seem Like I'm Complaining but....

2009-06-11T13:08:00.001-04:00

Lately, I’ve been dealing with the issue of trying to stay focus at work. It’s been an uphill battle for me to because to be quite honest, the work I do is a bit tedious and cumbersome but I understand that it needs to get done. Between my daily rendezvous with Twitter and Facebook, I’ve been feeling as though I’m not giving at least 97% and I know I’m good for more than that. I’ve been back on the working scene for the last 4 months and I’m literally starting from the bottom and working my way back to where I was, at best 2yrs ago. Times were hard for me before the economy took its downward spiral but; neverthless, I am here and I am working, which is a blessing within itself. So what’s the problem? Me….how do I fight off the urge to feel down, the eagerness to be nonchalant and the desire to complain? I’m finally getting over a rough patch but I don’t want to put myself 2 steps back…again.

So here’s my question(s) (and hopefully I get some dialouge now that the “anonymous” button is on), how do I prevent myself from becoming a “Debbie Downer” on the job? How do I remain focus on the bigger picture? What can I do to motivate myself to give that minimum 97%?

Any suggestions?

Real soon….

Vaughny Sweet.

Thoughts for the Day

2009-06-10T13:17:00.006-04:00

Think about it: You’re single. Everything in your life has fallen into place just to your satisfaction…except your love life. It seems like you’re not satisfied with having a career, great friends, a nice place to live and most importantly, a family who loves and supports you the best way they know how…simply because you’re single and have no one to enjoy your success with on an intimate level. Instead of taking in the scents of life and embarking on new experiences, you withdraw from the greatness of the life you have built on your own. You let yourself go. You stay in on a perfectly good night. You cuddle up with a good book, waiting for Friday to become Monday, so that you can feel like your life has a purpose.

Consider this: The time you spend alone and lamenting over the misfortune of an empty love life could be used in more positive ways. Many of you reading this are in your late twenties or early thirties, and you ask yourselves daily, “Is this it?” By this time, you have been to countless weddings, bridal showers, bachelor parties, and baby showers, not to mention churches peppered with happy families huddled together and in love. You need that love. However, you will never find it if you continue to withdraw from this vast world, in which you are an essential element. It only takes one time to encounter that very person who can change your life forever. The most important part of finding that “special someone” is to be a whole person on your own, so that this person can complement the person you have become instead of filling a shell of a person. If you commit yourself to becoming a whole person without interference from another person, then no matter what happens once you find that dream relationship that “special someone” will be unsuccessful in stealing your joy when the dream becomes a nightmare.

You are beautiful!

You are fabulous!

You are strong!

Keep your head up high, turn your swag on, and “do you” and time, space, and opportunity will present you with a person who just happens to be doing the same thing!

Tee

--
"This above all: to thine own self be true"
-from "Hamlet"

Adding Some Spice

2009-06-10T13:17:00.001-04:00

Hey folks!

I am excited today because I believe that Thoughts and Discussion is embarking on a pivotal moment. I know I mentioned this before but just in case, here it go agin! :)

I realize that I have not been posting as often as I would like, so I thought about having guest writers come in and share their thoughts with you to bring out some discussion (pun intended). After speaking with a few folks who's style I enjoy and believed would contribute to the cohesiveness of the blog itself, I FINALLY got someone to send me a post. I'd contacted this special person awhile ago and I'm not one to hound, so I knew in due time I would get something and now that time has come.

Ladies and gents (I believe), I introduce to you your guest writer (and hopefully frequent contributor)....Tee!
She's a graduate of UGA, a soon-to-be grad student and none other than a Jersey Girl, just like me! I am more than sure that you will be enlightened on what she brings to the writing forum and will definitely enjoy her insight. She's a little gangsta with it but hey, how boring would life be without a lil bit of "gangsta-ness", lol....So without further adieu, I present to you...Tee, check her out shawties...

Until next time.
Vaughny Sweet.

Crossroads (possibly part I)

2009-06-02T10:24:00.005-04:00

So in an attempt to use this blog space as my therapy for a moment, there are SOOO many things that I need to relieve from my chest. Currently, I am dealing with swollen lymph nodes, a scratchy throat, an off equilibrium and some type of lump or blockage making it a little difficult for me to swallow. I haven't made my tea for today but with all this irritation, I am trying to maintain a positive attitude. You see, I am dealing with my own self-inflicted issues. There are a lot of things I am changing about myself (I know this subject area is quite repetitive) and it's important to always remind "me", that I'm a work in progress.

Oftentimes we don't realize that we play the "woe is me" card. It seems so subconscious that we "express" how we feel about our current situation but in some way end up complaining about life itself. I am a victim of this. None of it is intentional, I just need to vent. Of course for me, this is a part of breaking the cycle of this passive-aggressive nature I've acquired over the years. I was NEVER that way. Nonetheless, I do my best in being proactive with correcting my situation. Using the tools that I've been given, thinking and playing smart. Well folks, it's not working. Here I am, in the midst of a new job, a new beginning and somehow I'm despondent. I asked a question on twitter stating "can people speak negativity into your life?" I've been blessed to be surrounded by people with strong insight and wisdom, so it's no surprised that I was asked about my enemies. Some I am aware of and some I'm not but can you believe that these people, would go so far as to say they hope I get hit by a bus and die!? I mean, that's a bit over the top but who knows, they could be wishing it to happen! Although I don't hear these words, that energy latches on to my aura and begins to slowly plague my spirit. Ever wondered why you have a hard time getting out of that rut your in? It's probably because someone is wishing you stay right were you are....think about it.

So how do we combat this negative energy? We find ways to stay positive. What are some of the ways? Hell, how should I know!? I need that for myself as well but a lesson I learned from my uncle is that we have to be proactive, instead of waiting on our storm to pass. I must admit, I haven't been proactive at all. I've just been patiently waiting for it to all go away and folks....it's not going away. My dilemma in all this now is how and where do I start and what do I do? I know I need to be proactive but I have no clue were to begin. It's the fresh start I WASN'T looking for. I'm not mentally prepared. I'm working on the spiritual aspect. What I recognize is that this is gonna take a lot of brain power that I'm just not sure I have. My road map is not clear and obviously it needs to be revised but where do I start drawing the lines?

I desperately want to say something to motivate all of you to restructure your road map but I can't pass along something that I don't have and right now....I am SO unmotivated.

Until next time...
Vaughny Sweet.

Continuous Contemplation

2009-05-19T15:45:00.005-04:00

I'm realizing that I am still in a bit of contemplation....I listen to my friends as the speak so eagerly about their new projects, business ventures and so forth. I admire them for finding their niche, making a plan of action and acting on it but it makes me feel as if I'm slacking. It seems as though everyone has honed in on their best skill sets, devised a marketing plan and created a brand for themselves. Here I am approaching 28 and I still haven't found my niche. I mean, I can't be Ms. Info, the world already has one. I just wonder where does that leave me?

During my downtime I write out my thoughts, questions that I pose to myself to probe my brain as to where the direction of my life is going, what skills do I possess that are marketable outside the corporate world and how can I make them work for me. A couple years back I met Lauren Lake and she talked about how she was able to take her passions and the skills that she learned and make them work for her. She's a lawyer, an advocate for women in entertainment, a public speaker, a television host, an interior designer and a singer. Her ability to take risks and follow the opportunities, has afforded the chance to gain those opportunities she's received and make a name for herself....a household name at that. Risks...that may be what separates me from the rest. The fact that I am afraid to take risks. Right now, I have no idea where my life is going at this point because God has added some dark tints on this car He's driving that only HE can see. So there's nothing left to do but sit back and be patient.

I believe the point in all of my contemplation is the time for redefining who I am. I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago, let alone 6yrs ago. On this date, May 19th, it was the beginning of my life. I graduated college on one of the University's worst graduation dates in history and I had NO CLUE what I wanted to do with my life and 6yrs later, I still don't. There are two things I that I know I am great at, (1) writing and (2) public speaking. Surprisingly, there are hundreds of others who feel the same. So that leaves me as a small minnow in a school of fish. The question for me is, how can someone recognize that I am different from the rest of the school? I've yet to figure this out and I'm even wondering if it is for me to figure out in the first place.

Nevertheless, I don't want to be that person who trying themselves in the daytime with a flashlight. I want and desire to be secure in who I am with no questions, doubts or reasons. I believe I'll discover what makes Vaughny Sweet who she is...but for now, I'll just sit comfortably in this passenger seat while God is driving and continue jotting down my thoughts in hopes of your discussion.

Until next time...

Vaughny Sweet.

A Nuance of "New"

2009-05-18T16:11:00.003-04:00

On Sunday, after I came from church, I sat in my car in deep thought. I dozed off a couple of times but when I finally got out the car; I had a weird feeling....as if I'd felt a change coming. A couple of months back, I'd made a vow to myself to get my life in order and start setting small goals for myself to accomplish. So far, I've accomplished three things on my list and not so much because I am a slacker but more so because my priorities have changed. The things that were important in January, aren't as important or don't apply now in May. As we approach the six month mark, I'm realizing that there needs to be a re-prioritizing in my life. Due in part to this shift in my employment and aging gracefully, the structure of my life just seems so much more different that it did six months ago. My friends have changed, my outlook on life has changed, my desires and wants have changed...it's quite equivalent to my own personal paradigm shift.

Although I always feel like I'm slacking in so many ways (because I am my worst critic), I believe this new "paradigm shift" or "nuance" (if you will) in my life, has come at no greater time. I'll be approaching 28 in less than four months, which will put be more closer to 30 and this is a milestone that I am looking forward to experiencing. By 30, I believe there are things in my life that should be consistent and stable, for instance my employment situation, finances, living quarters and health. I should have the basics down pact and although a person's life can change within a matter of minutes, I want to be prepared for that change, regardless of what it may entail.

Another piece of this contemplation that hit me is that I have a horrible lackadaisical nature. My "I can do it later" attitude has constantly become my downfall and I am not sure how to rid myself of it. I always use the excuse of if I do it now, what will have I have to do later but is it really an excuse? What if I really have nothing to do later if I finish everything...then what!? Lounge around, hang on the computer, Facebook and Twitter!? I do that now when I have loads of stuff to do! But seriously, how can someone rid themselves of laziness? It's been my ever long struggle. Hopefully with this "personal paradigm shift" I can finally find a way to conqueror it and live to and be my full potential. 'Cause at the end of the day, that's pretty much all we really want to do right!?

Until next time...

Vaughny Sweet.

What's Your Type!?

2009-05-15T12:18:00.002-04:00

So back to this whole "type A" stuff. I was having a brief discussion with an associate of mine and he said to me...well, let me start with some background.

I must say that I am a Facebook/Twitter fiend. It's a fun place (Fb) where you can connect with friends, play cute quizzes and express who you are. Yesterday I placed on my status that I was tired of white collar men acting like the world owes them everything because they have a degree. Guess what? I have one too, so I'm just gonna marry a blue-collar worker because they're humble and they have a cohesive benefits package (that part was supposed to be a joke but you catch the drift). Of course that ensued an uproar but a lot of men liked my status, the "corporate brothas" didn't appreciate it that much, which was fine, I didn't expect them to.

So back to what my associate and I were discussing. He responded to my statement saying that the "divorce would slowly begin." His meaning was that, I personally, would not be able to handle the mindset of a blue collar worker, simply because it's different and that my strong personality indicated that I didn't know how to humble myself. I would think I'd have some experience with my father and grandfather being blue collar workers, but I digress...Although I laughed off what he said, I was actually quite offended that he equated me having a strong personality to not being humble. What does that have to do with anything? Then kept on saying that I didn't know how to "shut the hell up"...at that point, I turned on my antagonistic skills and probably pissed him off the remainder of the conversation. Little did he know I was 2 seconds away from blessin' his soul and NOT in Jesus' name! Trust when I say, I've have grown a great deal...

In sticking with the topic, why do certain men feel as though a woman should be henpecked, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen!? I thought we evolved? I must admit, I can be too aggressive but for the right man, I can fall back. Which proves a point, the right man hasn't come so until he does, I'm standing my ground. However, by no means does that mean that I don't have humility or that I don't know what it means to deal with trials and tribulations. Everyone' s story is different, the experiences are different but it's that PERSON'S story and we have no room to judge. It bothers me when men and women categorize one another. I've been an active participant in this as well but I do my best to steer clear from it because I hate to be categorized or assumed that I am this one dimensional being. All of us have many different facets but none of us have learned to appreciate and/or accept people for who they are. Which is why I believe men shy away from strong personalities. An aggressive woman can be very intimidating, specifically when she's accomplished. For many of us, we don't want you to compete, we just want YOU, for who YOU are.

As I talked about the trials and tribulations of men with one of my good friends, we both agreed that we are simple women, that appreciate quality time more so than a "quality restaurant"! Cook for me or we can cook together. Being intimate is more than just being physical. Most women with strong personalities are balls of emotions waiting to burst. We want to show love, affection and support but too many fraudulent men have passed through our space, causing us to shut down. So we box up our feelings, create this exterior shell and settle for being the "bitch" because that seems to be the only thing people respect. Truth be told 97% of women HATE being "the bitch" because it's not who we are. Seriously! So we create this shell and focus on the things we can control, our lives and our careers, birthing the independent woman. The dynamic of the "independent woman" is simple yet complex. Once a woman is completely wrapped into her personal goals, it's hard to break that focus. So when men set their sights on trying, they get snubbed, some bourgie attitudes and the like because our trust factor is torn. A woman who is completely shut down is scary. Women who are shut down are heartless and destructive. Unfortunately, most men have a tendency to run into or approach this type of woman because of her nonchalant attitude. Now women with these characteristics become the standard typecast for women with strong personalities, which is completely not the case.

I don't know the solutions to this constant battle between men and women. Trying to figure out what each species wants is strenuous on the brain. The only thing I wish is that men would stop being so quick to write off us "type A" women. We're good women and deserve a chance at happiness, just like our counterparts. Being judgmental allows people to miss out on great opportunities....Something to keep in mind.

Until next time.

VaughnySweet.

Relax, Relate, Release (one of many)

2009-05-13T15:55:00.004-04:00

So I know I'm supposed to be completing the post on Type A personalities but I had a lot on my mind and needed to release. The phrase that crosses my mind is "when do you really know when you've 'crossed a line'?" When do you really know when something is "TMI" or strictly confidential? Honestly, I believe you can't. Standards such as these are solely based on individual mores. Some people are far left, some are far right and others are in the middle. Personally, I tend to find myself in the middle. Although I have uncouth-like tendencies, a lot of what I express have these 2 purposes, (1) to entertain [which is 50% of the time] and (2) information [the other half]. At times what I express may take on both criteria. Here's my discrepancy, when people feel like you YOU should filter what YOU say. Last time I checked, we had 1st Amendment rights in this country. I'm well aware of the restrictions but trust, I'm not bending the rules yet! And speaking of rules, when should someone know when and where they're applied; when they're NOT KNOWN to begin with!? I'm just saying, I can use my discretion and instincts all I want but did you NOT listen to G.I. Joe!? "Knowing is half the battle!" Hello!? How can I exercise discretion and instincts on something I have no knowledge of. Wouldn't that place me at a learning curve? Particularly when I have no idea what YOU want or how YOU want to proceed. Rules do not apply when they're unknown. Ahhhh....I'm feeling a bit better.

So what's the solution, is it always the person who does not know the rules responsibility to find out what they are or should the person who knows, stop being funky and divulge the info. I'm saying, if that's pertinent information and you hiding it from me...what's the point!? Next time, I'ma play dumb and I don't wanna hear a word! And if I say something you don't care for...you know where the door is!? It's time I put my foot down! Humph.

'Till next time....

Vaughny Sweet.

So What's Your Type? (Preface)

2009-05-07T15:25:00.004-04:00

Lately, I've been doing some ethnographic research in some likely spots such as clubs, networking parties and various other social gatherings. My observations have led me to wonder what characteristics and personalities traits tend to appeal to men. My general statement is that most men shy away from dominate personalities or what I like to call, "chili peppers". These type of women are not necessarily your "wicked bitch of the East" but more like your outgoing, aggressive, social butterfly type of women. I definitely fall into this category but find myself not being approached by men as much as others believe I am. At times I've watched a genuinely good-looking man sit back and observe myself and another female who is a bit more "reserved" in body language and walk up to the more "reserved" woman and strike up a conversation. I look and wonder if it has anything to do with looks then I remember that I'm cute :) and as I "eavesdrop" on their conversation, I realize it's because she portrays herself to be more a "damsel in distress", opposed to my making conversation with the bartender or whomever else happens to be around me at the time.

My next thought is whether or not I am THAT unapproachable...I think I'm not but others may beg to differ. Another thought that crosses my mind is whether or not the man feels as if he has to compete with my personality and then that's when I get a bit disgusted. I'm not necessarily a "background chick" but for the right man, I can be. It bothers me when a man feels as though a "chili pepper" is hard to deal with. I mean, why you tryna control a sista!? Just let me be! In light of these thoughts that have been swirling through my head, I opted to seek the opinions of other like-minded intellectuals. The thoughts that funneled where quite interesting. I don't necessarily plan to quote people directly, but I do want to present some of the ideologies shared.

So in the meantime....what's your type?

Re-organization

2009-05-07T14:59:00.003-04:00

So I've been doing some thinking...I genuinely like the fact that I have a blog; however, I don't post as much as I want to. My purpose for creating the blog was to speak about topics, general topics and initiate discussion. Although there have been a few people who have popped up here and there, there is not much "discussion" going on and I figured it's because there are not enough "thoughts on a page". So in my quest to increase traffic on the site and engage more people in great discussion, I've sought out a few folks who's writing style is similar but perspectives are diverse to contribute to the blog. I mean, the link to the site is "tastyconvo", why not add some folks in here to spice things up!

I've also considered drafting small posts to the site, just to keep things going. At times it might be random thoughts or even prefaces to a more in depth upcoming post. Whatever the case may be, it is my goal to keep those of you following the blog entertained. The direction of where the blog is going makes me seem like such a BORING person, when in actuality, I have a lot to say...I just don't write it down...Starting today, I am going to work on that.

Thanks for those supporting me thus far and look forward to more spicy Thoughts and Discussion...

Until next time....

Vaughny Sweet.

Also, you can follow me on twitter: twitter.com/msmorris81

Words: Food for the Soul or a Recipe for Disaster

2009-04-13T12:33:00.003-04:00

What's in a word or phrase? People use terminology so loosely these days and even with terms being used loosely, people say things with the intention of achieving a result be it good or bad. So when someone asks "do you miss me?" what are they really fishing for? I mean, I think there are some prerequisites that must be fulfilled in order to "miss" someone, no? It's simple mathematics, I'll break it down.

Prerequisite # 1: In order for someone to be missed, the person who is asking "said question" needs to be liked by the opposite person.
This should be an obvious observation but somehow, I think the...how can I describe them..."miss-ees" believe that an elongated time frame away from them constitutes an automatic "miss" and this is just not so.

Prerequisite # 2: There has to be a connection between the "miss-ee" and the "miss-er".
Again, this should be an obvious observation but alas, the "miss-ee" believes that if you, the "miss-er" and the "miss-ee" have shared a moment in time, be it a conversation, lunch, dinner, an email chat or any of the like; that there should automatically be a connection betwixt the two of you and this just not so. Sure, lunch/dinner may have been great and the conversation may very well have been intriguing but it really doesn't mean that "we've connected". You were great company at the time, you served your purpose (short lived as it may) and the move on process has ensued. Simple.

Prerequisite # 3: So if prerequisites 1 & 2 have been fulfilled, this 3rd one is very crucial...the "miss-ee" in no shape or form should have treated the supposed "miss-er" any kind of funky way
If at any point during the "connecting" and "liking" stage this occurs, "missing someone" becomes null and void. I mean seriously, there is no way the "miss-ee" could be missed if that person gave the "miss-er" their behind to kiss. There's no balance, it doesn't flow, it's illogical and quite frankly, very asinine to think in such manner. At this point, and this is my sole op-in-onion, the "miss-ee" should be shot. I'm just saying...such simpleton-like behavior must be dealt with immediately.

So what's with the "miss you" factor? What makes people think they are missed? How does the thought process form? Is it strictly emotion-based? There are so many contentions that follow this question. I'm not a psychologist, so I can't give a professional prognosis on the situation; however, I do have pretty good intuition. I may not take heed to it as often as I should but it's 95% of the time on point. That meaning, I can spot BS a mile away. When folks claim they "miss you" or ask if you "miss them", it's ALWAYS an ulterior motive. If it's a man, they want the cookies, if it's a woman; they want the banana and/or money. Most people are in your past for a reason. There are reasons why you and that person couldn't get it together....THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! So don't take 2 steps back. You've already gone 10 steps forward. Say HI (pun intended) and keep it movin'. Hell, depending on who it is, don't even speak back. Knifing folks know how to create traps to suck you back into the very thing you worked so hard to remove yourself from and let go.

Misery loves company, don't be an attendee of that party. Words are strong abstract/concrete things. They appeal to your emotions. People use them for good but more so bad. Words can be soft on the heart or painful on your spine. Avoid that pain. If someone from your past appears out of the dark talking words that sound sweet...more than likely it's a ploy to re-open a door that you've already closed. Trust your gut and deadbolt that shit! You close doors for a reason, remember those reasons and stand your ground. Don't let butter give you high blood pressure or widen your hips, and don't think margarine is any better, all it does it create a slow, emotional death. Stay healthy folks.

Until next time....

Vaughny Sweet.

Re-establishing the Resolution of Organization in Yours and My Life

2009-04-13T11:29:00.004-04:00

So I've been conflicted with a lot of things going on with my personal and professional life. I'm quite sure many of you have been feeling the same way. We all believe that a new year causes us to revise, revamp and rejuvenate those funky parts of our lives so that we are able to progress further and attain our goals and desires. If this is so, then why is it that we start the year off great and somewhere between March and May (at times a little earlier) we revert back to the same old patterns from last year and those previous? Even further, why is it that we manage to organize ourselves on the job but can't organize our personal lives? Where is the disconnect, should there be a connection, do these rules cross apply?

This is my dilemma folks. I've managed to become the epitome of organization on the job but can't seem to get it together outside of work. I had a small conversation about this with my best friend and he clearly stated that both entities are different but I just didn't agree. Shouldn't how you run your professional life be reflective in your personal life? How can someone be so efficient on the job and not half as efficient at home? Is it because money is involved? Well wouldn't how you conduct your personal life affect how you make your money? For instance, drug addicts and/or alcoholics aren't the most successful people. They may start off fooling everyone but afterward, that lifestyle starts to take a toll on their professional life. It's no bueno! Showing up to work with slurred speech, clothing discombobulated, hair disheveled, unpleasant odor...it affects your professional life. At some point, these people aren't able to function properly and when you start costing the company money and/or clients, which in turn 360's back to money, the sacrificial lamb factor comes into play and life begins it's rapid downward spiral. Or how about the person that's always late. This doesn't just apply to women, there are plenty of men who find themselves losing track of time. These are the same people that show up "fashionably late" to social functions. Somehow they believe these rules apply at the workplace. Again, no bueno! After so many "fashionably late" days, your manager will "stylishly" start to dock your pay....then what!?

My personal idiosyncrasy is what I like to call morning time management. The way my lifestyle is functioning, it seems to have become very fast paced. I'm always down for the quick and simple, so that I am able to get up and go. There are many excuses that I can list as to why some days I'm off to a late start; however, that would defeat the purpose of the intervention that is needed. I can easily use the lack of clothing and shoe options as a defense, which is quite valid (although many would beg to differ) but it still wouldn't do the intervention process any justice. So where is the disconnect between the efficiency I have on the job and my "performance" at home...procastination. It's quite simple. I know the things I need to do but somewhere in the back of mind I feel like if I become the sharp and on point person that is embedded in my genetic makeup, then I'd have too much free time. And what the heck could I do with all that free time if my clothes were planned for the week, my lunch was made and prepared, my room was neatly organized... as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I'd be an anal mess. Everything would be so organized that I'd have no idea where anything is and that would frustrate the heck outta me. Although it makes absolutely no sense to you; to me and maybe one other person, it's pure logic. As I think about even more, I'd probably have nothing to complain about...but damn, when did a need for complaints become a reason for anything? Gotta do better. But alas, my old ways of how I've been functioning, half ass, must cease and desist. I mean, I'm almost 30, I can't sash-shay onto another decade doing the same thing I did in my tweens. How digressive would that be!?

Going forward, I am making a pledge to rid myself of the habits that keep me from giving my 200%. I think it behooves any of us to consistently battle with something that should be so natural and that's giving, doing and being phenomenal. I even urge you to not only do the same but also follow-up to see if I'm keeping up my end of the bargain. Accountability is a huge thing and in order to move forward, a person has to be accountable for their actions be it good or bad. Today, I am being the bigger person.

Until next time...

Vaughny Sweet.

Are You a Meredith Grey?

2009-03-28T19:13:00.005-04:00

Just by reading the title, one may believe this post is strictly about relationships...it's not. This post will tackle the topic of self-assurance but from a different dynamic. First, some background.

I had been a true Grey's Anatomy fan for a looong time. Somewhere between Danny dying and Derrick and Meredith finally deciding to become a "real couple", I fell off the wagon. This year I picked back up on it, specifically with Izzy being diagnosed with cancer and I became drawn to it again, just like I was before. This last episode, when Derrick finally gets his self-confidence back and operates on Izzy; there was a monumental moment for me. Each episode has a message but the message I gathered was "your 'weaknesses' should never be discounted as a strength"...I even had to pause a second on that one.

Anyone who's a Grey's Anatomy fan, knows about Meredith Grey, her funky past and her even more weird friends. Her past has become somewhat of a norm within the turn of the last two centuries. Lies, deceit, distance, fatherly absence and emotional detachment. Her experiences have shaped her into the woman...the doctor she has become today. Her biggest issues (in my opinion) are her passive attitude, evasive nature, twisted perspective on life and her nonchalant demeanor. Her ability to drive people away with the stroke of her tongue made me want to slap her each and every Thursday night. Needless to say her character was played well. But this night, this episode was most significant. Derrick finally proposed to Meredith and the point of signifance was not that he proposed, it was how it was done and what was said. He used moments during their surgical career together where she supported him, where she believed in him. Although it always seemed as if she was evasive, nonchalant, detached or "twisted" in her outlook, she never stopped supporting him. What people considered to be her weaknesses, were actually strengths that were dominant in her relationships; but more so in her career. They are what made Derrick lover her and what made her a strong and dependable resident/surgeon at Seattle Grace. It was a pivotal moment with me and it gave so much validation to the book that I've been reading (almost done) and advocating, Now Discover Your Strengths.

The authors negate the ideology of "fixing" your weaknesses but instead, promote the theory of managing them around your strengths and possibly even turning them into strengths. The best part about that scene is that she didn't even realize that they were strengths.

*Those people in your life that care about you most or even simply have an eye for talent, will recognize your strengths and indirectly allow you to use them in away that benefits YOU!*

This is important to know. People who are surrounded by you will not see your "weaknesses" as something to just "deal" with; they will always find the positives amidst the negatives. It is also important that you recognize how to do this yourself. We all know what our said weaknesses are; however, do you know how they work to your advantage? For instance, and I'll use myself as an example for the sake of the discussion, two weaknesses that I identify with most is my issue with procrastination and the "know-it-all" characteristic. With the procrastination issue, I've learned to manage around this by using project planners, organizers and requesting deadlines for projects to keep me on track. This has helped me become a better employee, more organized and more efficient. On the flip side, I still tend to veer off, I mean no one's perfect; however, what works in my favor for being a procrastinator, is that I work VERY WELL under pressure. At times, my best work has been completed at the 11th hour :) Some people cringe at the idea of working under pressure. Most people tend to refrain from environments that require them to move quickly, maneuver through tight deadlines or even handle multiple projects. This is where my weakness works in my favor. In this instance it becomes a strength. Since most companies thrive off the now, being able to function properly in a constantly changing environment is not just an asset, it's a must!

The second example of the "know-it-all" characteristic may possibly be the one thing that annoys those closest to me the most. Quite honestly, I don't believe what bothers them so much is the fact/idea of me "knowing" everything; it's the cocky attitude that follows. I mean hey, if everyone were this smart, they'd be cocky too! Sorry...couldn't resist :) but seriously, I believe a certain level of intelligence, brings about a certain level of cockiness. Why wouldn't it!? The saying "knowledge is power" is an absolute truth. The more knowledge you have, the more power you posses. How is this a strength? Well, of all the people that ridicule me for being a "know-it-all", more than likely those same people come to me for advice, general information or assistance in some form, why? Because I know a little bit about EVERYTHING. If I don't remember anything my professors taught me at the prestigious Clark Atlanta University (yeah I said it...and!?), I will never forget to find a way or make one, that is instilled in me and I will never forget to learn a little bit about everything. A little knowledge is better than none at all. So I make it a point to ask questions and learn. I pay attention, observe, retain and then apply. Stuff goes in and never know when it's gonna come out but nevertheless when it does, it always comes out right on time. In the workplace, this is a HUGE strength. There always has to be a "go to" person. There always has to be someone who is an expert and can dissemenate information at the drop of a dime. This is where your "know-it-alls" (like myself) come in and this is where that quality can be put to good use. In moderation of course :)

Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses are important. To master managing both would move you into a place in your life that would open increasingly unimagineable doors. So are you a Meredith Grey? Surrounded by a cloud of negativity, mixed with a confused past that needs unchaining? If so, no worries. Those qualities about you that people find "weak" are only strengths that are ready to be unmasked and utilized the proper way. It's ok to be Meredith Grey, in the end, she has a great career, a man that loves her and the self-assurance that she is comfortable, in the love with and knows who she is and could give two rats asses if you didn't like it!

ROCK ON to all of you who are Meredith Greys like me...OUR weaknesses are OUR strengths!

Until next time...

Vaughny Sweet.

Image is Everything....NOT!

2009-03-15T15:43:00.009-04:00

I've had this tag line in my head for weeks, "is image everything", and it made me think of the old Sprite commercial, "image is nothing, thirst is everything". Although they were being a bit parodistic with the concept of having super celebs sell drinks, I believe they were onto something far deeper than just carbonated drinks.

As I collected my thoughts, I reflected on what initially inspired them in the first place. I don't want to make a habit of "pulling cards" via blog, but it astounds me how this person (who's name will remain unsaid) could go around through life portraying an image that is nonexistent. Yet again, this post is a bit personal and I believe all of them are in some shape or form, but I believe that all of you reading this can relate to what I'm about to address at some significant point in your life.

So back to this concept, "image is nothing, thirst is everything", again we're not talking about soft drinks here but, more so a thirst for life. I must say this recession is breaking people down in more ways than one. A more prevalent breakdown are people's financial stability. I empathize and relate to a bigger percentage of folks, not just Americans, who are struggling to make it day in and out. Surprisingly, this recession has not hit us the hardest. Why? Well, we've always been in a deficit and we've adjusted, as well as, learned how to "find a way or make one" (my CAU motto). All this recession means for US is that we have to continue on our grind and come out of this on top. Times like these strengthens our endurance to, well...endure. However, this recession is really hurting the "well-to-do". In times of economic crisis that small percentage of self-made millionaires, "old money", celebrities and other individuals of prestige, have always managed to stay afloat. Not this time! This time of financial crisis has hit everyone hard and although it made be a small one....it's still a dent. This recession is also revealing those whose thirst for image has been far greater than their thirst for life. People like, Bernie Madoff, are finally receiving the repercussions of their actions. His thirst for image was bigger than his thirst for life and in the process, he allowed schools, churches, non-profit organizations, families and the like; to lose monies that they believed were safely invested. All while he enjoyed this "good life" off of the monies these people entrusted him with. Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive!

Image is nothing, thirst is everything. I truly believe this is deeper than what's on the surface. How often have we come across people in our daily walk that portrays this wonderful person, only to be disappointed when that layer called "the representative" is shed. You feel shafted, like you don't even know this person! I've been on both ends of the spectrum. How? Well, I've experienced the portrayal of an unreal image and I've had people accusing me of doing the same. It's hard to realize that the person(s) you've been spending so much time getting to know are not who they say they are. How difficult is it, in these times, to allow people in your intimate space, to self-disclose, to bond, only to find out the person with whom you've been bonding with is pretty much a fake. Depending on how tight the bond is, it can become quite devastating. On the flip side, to know that you've again, shared your space with others, self-disclosed, bonded; only to find out these people never believed a word you said...take a moment to think about that-difficult to grasp isn't it? Makes you wonder how people really see you. Do people see you as this person who thirsts for life, for knowledge, for strong spirituality, greater health, a more meaningful purpose or do these people see you as someone who's stuck on image, titles, materialistic wealth (there is a difference), a large phone book or friend's list, a reputation (which can be good or bad)...now take a moment to think about that-again, difficult to grasp isn't it?

Thirst is everything, BUT, it really depends on what you're thirsty for....Are you thirsty for a sense of belongingness or thirsty for solitude? Are you thirsty to move up the corporate ladder or thirsty to make a difference? Are you thirsty for companionship or thirsty for a nut? Are you thirsty for togetherness or do you gulp from the cup of division? Thirst is everything but it depends on what you're thirsty for. Our thirst has the ability to lead us in the path of righteousness for his namesake or have us wandering through the valley in the shadows of death WITH evil. A dry mouth signals desperation to the brain. It stimulates the need for hydration; so, what are you hydrating yourself with? Good food, strong faith, solid integrity, loyal friends, stern habits? Do you allow the mirage of image to blind you from the things you need most? It's fine...it's a rhetorical question.

Image is nothing! Yeah I said it, image is nothing; but somehow we find ourselves wrapped around it. Keeping up appearances. Do these facades work in our favor? That mirage called image allows us to believe it does. Although "image" is nothing, it is a part of that 97% of the way we communicate. Image is nonverbal. Your image is the first thing people see and can determine whether they fulfill their curiosity of getting to know you or whether they keep their distance. Your image is what can make or break you during the interviewing process or be the deciding factor in that promotion. So I guess keeping up appearance can work in your favor. BUT, what about when "keeping up appearances" is all you know how to do. An appearance is what it is, something that appears to be a particular way. It's clearly on the surface. But what about what's underneath the surface? Is that space tidy or are your corners dusty? Image is nothing-IF-what's underneath isn't a dust pile of lies. Think about it...have you ever found yourself trying to blend, trying to make something work, all in the name of "image"? Don't lie! :) But seriously, think back again, yes I know you've never done this much reflection in your life but work with me here, I'm making a point. At times we want something so bad, that we'll "fix" ourselves to seem as if it is for us but it either never was or it simply was just wasn't the right time. Light bulb go off!? I know it did, don't lie! Too often we put ourselves in situations where we don't belong, all in the name of "image". Your parents told you not to go to certain places for a reason. Merely to avoid some unknown hurt or disappointment that you really didn't need to experience. NOW did the light bulb go off? C'mon, stop lying...remember image is nothing-but thirst-is everything :)!

So before you go to put on airs about a life you could only DREAM of having, think about what your thirsty for. After some thought, you'll figure out it's just not that serious and if you really have to front about who you are and what you've done to gain the prestige or "name" you're so THIRSTY for, maybe you should do a bit of soul-searching and self-evaluation. How sad is it to know that many of us are so unhappy with ourselves that we have to create this fictitious person in order to be accepted by ourselves and others. Well, I challenge all of us this year to find out what we are truly thirsty for and to re-evaluate this image we are portraying. I charge all of us (yes me too) to become accepting of the person we really are, to discover those idiosyncrasies that need fixing, embrace them and improve. Never doubt that there isn't always room for improvement and never allow your thirst for an image to become greater than your thirst for life itself.

Here's that Sprite commercial I was talking about....

Until next time...

Vaughny Sweet.

Black History Month? Did we forget!?

2009-02-26T16:19:00.004-05:00

So as Black History Month comes to a close, I remember a conversation that I had with one of my best friends. Via text of course :), she asked did I notice any events going on during this time. It took me a minute but I realized, that I hadn't heard much about Black History Month. This month, for some reason, has so much going on. The Superbowl, All-Star Weekend, Pro Bowl, Valentine's Day, President's Day, Lincoln's Birthday. It was quite packed.

I saw a few documentaries here and there on Public Access Stations and on HBO on Demand, they had a documentary about prominent African Americans and their stories. It was quite interesting and informative. Here's what I noticed-and I could be taking a loongg stretch with this-but now that we have an African American President, there seems to be sort of a "hush around Jerusalem", a subconscious thought of "well, you guys have overcome, no need to talk about it anymore!" Shame on the person who believes this! Black History, African American history should be celebrated 365. The very basic things we use still today were designed, innovated, or simply thought of by someone of African decent. The filament needed to enable the hollow shape of a light bulb was created by an African American, NOT Alexander Hamilton. The toliet we use daily, the refridgerator (back then it was called an icebox), metal chairs, the machine to rapidly produce the soles on your shoes, traffic light, internet, water gun, R&B, Hip-hop, Jazz, Blues, Rock n' Roll (Little Richard folks!), roads, bridges...African Americans have had a hand in the makings of this country, be it as a slave, indentured servant, share-cropper, underpaid, middle class or upper class, our presence on this land has shaped and molded it to what it is today. This is something that ALL Americans should be reminded of each and everyday.

Yes we have an African American President. Does this mean we've overcome!? Heck NO! All it means is that there is another place in history that we have made our mark. Overcoming has to be collective. As long as there are people who depict African Americans as monkeys, threatening the lives of other African Americans, black on black crime or self-destructive behavior, no matter how far we progress, those people mentioned will always throw us 50 steps back. It is our duty to remind the younger generation of our greatness and journey. It is not to beat a dead horse in the mouth but to encourage and give hope that the struggle is just what it is....a struggle. Whether it makes you or break you is dependent on no one else but YOU! Our history is bigger than just one month with the shortest days, it is a legacy that will continue to grow every second-minute-hour. It is to be shared, honored and respected...

Just my thoughts

Vaughny Sweet.

Spots of Reflection

2009-02-22T15:39:00.004-05:00

So here I am again amidst random thoughts in my head and at this point, all I can really do is reflect on these past two months. I am working to move the direction of this blog away from a "diary-like" form but currently, there are a few things swirling through my head.

To say the least, this year started off pretty cool. I spent my New Year among decent company and have had the opportunity to share my space among good folks...well maybe not necessarily good for me, but good nonetheless. I've had my ups and downs with my personal life, family and career. I've noticed the path of my life shifting its course and for the absolute better. I've lost and gained in many respects. Some losses have been bittersweet but the gains always balance it out. For each moment thus far, I've learned more about myself and have shed the fat of denial with each lesson. It's been a WONDERFUL eye-opener and each day I'm becoming more and more comfortable with Vaughny Sweet., what makes her different and unique, her flaws, her strengths, her thoughts and perspective. I'd like to believe that I am a cool ass individual that people should really get to know, conversely, I realize that I'm not for everyone and everyone is not for me. Oddly enough, that's actually a sad thing to come to grips with. I like having large circles of diverse groups of "friends" that satisfy each of the parts of what makes me, but again I realize, this vision just isn't going to work...at least not for me.

I've recognized that there are two things that truly make me happy, Public speaking and writing. Everything else kind of satisfies a certain craving for knowledge and skill. I've also recognized that second chances are granted to those whom God believes can handle them. I've been given second chances on many ocassions but have never stuck by my word to make it count. I've somehow seemed to miss the mark with each try. Two weeks ago, I was given a second chance and because I realize what my shortcomings have been all these years, it is my duty to make this one count. This in many ways realates to the previous post on pride. It's been a long humbling process for me but I've come too far to let any more opportunities pass. This time, I have to put out or shut up...

Now Discover Your Strengths is a book that I've been reading (and need to finish). It was recommended by my aunt, with the hope of helping me become more focus on what my strengths are and how I can apply them to create a long-lasting career. What I didn't realize, is that how this books applies to everyday life. The book advocates "managing your strengths around your weaknesses". It made so much sense to me. So long have we all worked to "fix" our weaknesses that we don't spend time discovering what our strengths are. The book identifies your 5 Signature Themes; there are 34 that are listed but your top five are your strongest and the ones that the most time should be spent perfecting. It's like realizing what the "selling points" are in the package of You and now knowing how to shop it. Upon discovering my top 5, everything seemed to make so much sense to me. Now that I know what they are, the goal is to perfect and apply them at any given opportunity. It is an exciting journey that I am ready to embark on. (excuse the preposition)

As I determine what thoughts in my head that are "blog-friendly", I can't help but continuously circle around the thought of being misunderstood. This word has been a sub-theme of my life. It was always a thing of mine to be a "relatable" person. To be able to show empathy and have understanding of what others go through. After 27 years of forcing it, I finally realized this is not a quality of mine. I can't relate to everyone, but more importantly, not TOO many people can relate to me. And you know what, I am FINALLY ok with that. Everyone is not built to understand my thought process, my personality, my words, my speech....just me. Those who share like minds with me are EXCEPTIONAL people. Those who don't are cool....just not cool enough for me ;)

With these thoughts of "misunderstanding", I've also come to grips with the fact that I truly wear my heart on my sleeve. I've only known this to be a weakness but I am determine to turn this into a strength. Candidly speaking, a few people that have shared personal space with me, have realized this on a level that they probably could not have imagined. What I believe is a quite misunderstanding, is not so much the words that are/have been said but the thought process behind the words. The intentions, the reservations, the feelings, the predetermined outcome. That is what bothers me most; the fact that folks say or do things with a preset response they believe I'll give them, along with a sketched outcome of how the situation will end. Needless to say, I've shocked quite a few folks who thought they an had idea about me. I'm unpredictable, which can be good or bad, depending on which side you stand. One can never know how my response will be on any given day. Am I a conplex individual, perhaps, but I'd like to think of myself as an enigma. If I want you to figure me out, I'll let you...besides if you knew what my next move was, where would the fun be in throwing you off course ;)

Ahhhh....I feel a slightly relieved. Reflection is always a good thing. It allows each person to take a step back and be truly objective. I am by NO MEANS a perfect person, although I strive to achieve it. I have high standards, not as high as they used to be but high enough to be attained. Recognizing the idiosyncrasies that move about through our lives is important. It is a chance to grab them, look them in the face that let them know they don't stand a chance of hindering your personal, professional and spiritual growth...

'Till next time ;)

Vaughny Sweet.

Thoughts in Random

2009-02-15T15:11:00.008-05:00

So getting this post together has been quite difficult for me. I started off writing a piece about pride, which was a self-confessing piece because I had realized that this character trait is one I had been denying for years.

Sidebar: 2009 is the year of "Truth-telling", it was congruent with a sermon I listened to two Sundays ago.

In order to place these thoughts in some form of order, I'll start with pride.

For years, I have hid the fact that I have strong and foolish pride. At times, I've lived off of $5.00 for an entire week and refused to ask for money. Not smart when you have family willing to help you when all you have to do is ask; but "strong and foolish" pride prevented me from doing so. I've always felt like I had something to prove. It makes ABSOLUTELY no sense but I was actually teased for having a supportive family. How weird is that!? Isn't that opposite of how this "teasing" thing is supposed to go!? Nevertheless, I was teased on various things, being an only-child with a supportive family was one of them.

Having this pride, allowed me to put myself in situations where I didn't belong. I never had to really struggle but to prove to others that I was a hard-worker and I didn't take handouts, I went left or right when all I really had to do is go straight. I didn't want to be categorized as one of the "spoiled kids" even though I was but it sucks (specifically at a young age) to have people think that you are not self-sufficient. I mean, most kids my age in elementary school (late 80's early 90's) already knew how to cook a full-course meal and not because they particularly wanted to but because they HAD to...how the hell else were they gonna eat!? Mommy, and if they were lucky, daddy or grandma had to work, there were 2-4 other siblings and they were the eldest. They had to eat, so they cooked. I never had that problem. People in my house worked but we had a microwave. All I had to do was heat up some left over food that my grandmother cooked the night prior and I was good with my TV and The Box (what you know about that :P). I never had to want for anything. ALL my needs were ALWAYS supplied but still, I felt like I needed a story, to relate to my peers. I lived in the 'hood but I didn't have the "typical hood" lifestyle. I grew up working middle class. Yet again, this pride that I had and still have, fixated something in me that said "I know how it feels too, I'm in the struggle just like you" but really...I wasn't.

My pride has gotten me into a lot of trouble and increased my journey on this path called life. Lessons that I didn't necessarily have to learn, I learned and although I appreciate the lessons, this unwarranted "learning process" has taken up time that should have been spent progressing. Pride will make you set standards for yourself so high, that they are unattainable. Disappointment has been a bitter taste in my mouth for as along as I can remember and it's catalyst has been my pride. Pride has been a factor in another topic that I had planned to discuss which is friends. I've had a lot of ups and downs with people who I've claimed "friend" and over the years I've had to realize that these folks whom I've labeled "friend" do NOT have my best interest. Hell, people in general do not have your best interest but through the quality of discernment, we have to decipher who of all these people is more genuine.

How has pride been a factor in dealing with friends you ask? Well, when someone or something (mainly your conscience) tells you not to deal with someone, not to listen to someone and/or not to disclose information to other people and you don't listen because your pride is telling you "people always got something to say. these folks are my friends, they care about me....I don't believe this" and then years, months, days, weeks, hours, minutes even - later - you find out what was said to you to be true... not only have to eat crow, but you also have to deal with your pride and ego being bruised. Which then leads to disappointment and an unnecessary lesson learned that could have been avoided if you listened to whomever or whatever told you what NOT to do in the first place. Oh folks, this has been a harsh reality that I am facing year upon year.

I am learning that as much as you would like to share parts of your life with people, you can't because those who you believe to be your friends are not really your friends. People fish for information because they want to keep tabs. They mentally process these tabs and when they get a earful of a slip up, they place that in another category and the more slip ups they hear, the more they start to formulate opinions and the day you ask for advice, they talk you out of your happiness and that's when they've succeeded because these folks, these leeches NEVER want to see you happy in the first place. I've been dealing with situations like this for YEARS and I haven't learned yet...until now.

I am learning that there is nothing wrong with going with your gut. I still have problems with second-guessing myself but your first thought is ALWAYS your best. When I was in Catholic school my Religion teacher told us that we have an angel and a devil sitting on our shoulders. The angel represents our conscience and the devil...well, we all know his place. The devil encourages us to do bad but then we hear a tiny voice that says "you sure you wanna do that?" That devil's voice gets stronger but that whisper we heard a few seconds ago, gets louder, "You Sure You Want Do That?". Then the devil's voice goes "COME ON, what's it gonna hurt!?" and then whisper becomes a gnawing in your gut, a twinge in your back or a sharp thrust in the back of your head and screams, "DON'T DO IT! I'M WARNING YOU!!". That's our gut telling us to fall back and evaluate the situation. When your body does that to you, LISTEN TO IT!

I am learning to take everything with a grain of salt. Re-read the two previous paragraphs then come back to this.

Lastly, I am learning how not to be a Chatty Cathy. For someone like me who despises talking on the phone, I sure find a way to disclose a lot of my personal information. To sum it up, everything aint for everybody. I am learning that discernment and discretion are two things that are needed in my life in order for me to progress. People will talk about me until I'm dead and they may probably keep the conversation going beyond that; however, there is no need for me to give them a direct reason to talk. People should only know so much about you. There are some people who know just about EVERYTHING when it comes to me. My life has become an open book and that is not a good place for it to be and I need to close it immediately. When you find yourself disclosing so much information, it can either be used against you or twisted around in a way where you can lose something valuable. Am I going to shut down my blog? Not even, this was created to share experiences and formulate discussion. I value my blog and I enjoy an open forum where folks can express themselves. That is the goal I hope to achieve with Thoughts and Discussion but it is not my intention to turn this place into my personal diary. Which 360's back to the lesson I've learned (1) sharing ain't fo erybody, (2) go with yo gut, (3) take all nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs with a grain of salt and (4) stop being a Chatty Cathy...well unless it's here :)

Pride and friends, they can make you or break you but if mastered well; they can be two of your greatest strengths....hope this all makes sense cause I'm only spell checking this time....LMAO!

Vaughny Sweet.

Thoughts and Discussion

Emotional Foolishness

Sort of an oxymoron

Paranormal Activity

2nd Quarter Reflections

Ponder This

Catching Up and Letting Go...

Party for a Cause

A Virtual Vent

Done.com

Well...I thought I knew you *bbmconfusedface*

30 Pearls Campaign...A plan to change now and forever

The Month of Polar Opposites

Does hard work really pay off?

So....

This Year May Be Over but It's Just Beginning...

Thanksgiving Uncovered

Unblocked...Unlocked and Throwing Away the Key

Infinite Blessings

The Cake Has Been Iced

Scalp is Skin!

Selfish vs Selfless...is there even a point!?

Letting it Go...

How Do You Spell "Support System"... F-A-I-L!

The Uneducated Intellectual – Law of Opposition

More Poems

Insomniac

Some Poetry

The Concoction

And it begins...Summer that is....

Something Sexy for Your Weekend

On My Soapbox...

Education at Its Worst!

To Perceive or Not to Perceive...That is the Question

The First Should Always Mean REFRESH!

Start of a Rant: The Devil Made Me Do It!

Lapse of the Mind

Pioneers Dying Too Soon....RIP Guru

Crimes Against the Heart

Hi My Name is VaughnySweet and I'm a "People Pleaser"!

Love Does Not Box You In - VS 1:1 (Part 2)

Loves Does Not Hurt...Love is Not Selfish - 1Cor 13:1-13

Love Lost? Strong Possibilty

Love

Happy New Year! Yeah I know I'm late...

Saying Goodbye to 2009

Love at First Sight or a Figment of Your Imagination...

A New Journey

Yep, I'm Saying It....Adults are SELFISH!

This "Season" Stuff is So Overrated!

Who Are You Underneath?

21 Questions - My Way

Random Thoughts....Part II I think?

Words of a Feather Flock Together: Part II - Oxymoronic Colloquy

Words of a Feather Flock Together - Part 1

What about these words: Preface

Yin and Yang: Balancing for the Season called "Your Life"

Time to Change with the Leaves

Let's Talk About Sex!

Repetition: Thoughts About Men

Summer I'm Gonna Miss You :(

Marriage: An Ideal or Institution

A Bull of Emotions

Mrs. Softee

Why Worry...$@*#& Happens!

Are You A True Friend?

Who should play Michael Jackson in a Biopic?

The Moment My Heart Stood Still

To be Humble is to be Reverent...

Relationships = Confusion

Where has My Sound Gone?

Let Go of Your Fears and Discover Your Motivation

To Trust or Not....That's MY Question

I HATE to Seem Like I'm Complaining but....

Thoughts for the Day

Adding Some Spice

Crossroads (possibly part I)

Continuous Contemplation

A Nuance of "New"

What's Your Type!?

Well...I thought I knew you bbmconfusedface